"as a man.." "I am a male and..." "speaking as a bloke..."

(151 Posts)
AnyFucker Tue 20-Aug-13 23:47:44

Oh do fuck off.

That is all

SunshineBossaNova Tue 20-Aug-13 23:55:00

Hell yeah.

Paninfinitum Wed 21-Aug-13 00:02:21


AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:03:13

Yes, Pan, I know you are a bloke.

Paninfinitum Wed 21-Aug-13 00:07:55


BlameItOnTheBogey Wed 21-Aug-13 00:11:21

I asked DH and he says you are being mean for writing this post. <ironic smile>

BOF Wed 21-Aug-13 00:14:04

Bore off. I don't want to be told to give extra attention to someone for their dick, unless I see it and deem it worthy.

BOF Wed 21-Aug-13 00:14:36

<waits for inundation of PMs> grin

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:14:55

did he give that opinion "as a man" Boges ? hmm

Pan, I shall chuck you down that well in a minute.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:16:04

BOF, you and your cocks. May they forever keep you entertained wink

BOF Wed 21-Aug-13 00:16:34

I'm a simple soul smile

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:19:32

speaking as a woman cocks are mildly entertaining, are they not

especially when they start mansplaining and putting the wimminz right grin

NumTumDeDum Wed 21-Aug-13 00:20:29

Arf. Not a fred about a fred AF? Or a man named Fred. Who is male. And may or may not be a marzipan encrusted spider?

I don't mind them saying it (as sometimes mentioning their gender can be useful) its just usually some twattish thing is said right after it.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:21:14

all that and more, NumTum grin

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:22:27

indeed, roasted

in my vast experience of men talking out of their arses, a pronouncement that starts "as a man..." almost invariably is followed by utter bollocks

NumTumDeDum Wed 21-Aug-13 00:25:14

I hate marzipan. To Room 101 with it. And Fred. Take him too.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:30:48

I don't mind a smidge of marzipan, attached to some wedding cake. And I knew a nice Fred once. I don't like them FredBet shops though.

I like marzipan. And DH is a Fred sad

I like marzipan, don't get me started on icing work of the devil

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 21-Aug-13 00:43:25

Vvvvvv occasionally it can be helpful since this is a female dominated site.

However, most of the time it isn't relevant. The times when it is relevant it's sometimes obvious from the content. And the rest of the time it's one of those men from mars who believes that women hail from the mystical fairy princess land of venus.

No. You're just a person, with an opinion. You may share that opinion with some people from your own gender, and some people from the opposite gender. Or maybe you're just a bit of a fruitloop who nobody agrees with at all. Either way, it's nice to have your opinion, but we don't (usually) need it pointed out that you're hairy on your dangly parts. Thanks all the same.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:46:18

it's ok sometimes to add a footnote "btw, I am a man just for clarity"

that is much less "hear me and shush yourselves, women!"

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 21-Aug-13 00:51:06

blush I don't know where that came from.

YY a footnote is less intrusive and announcer-y.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:52:53

where what came from Yoni ?

the hairy dangly bit ? grin

the bloody things appear from nowhere sometimes...

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 21-Aug-13 00:54:27

grin Well I figured women's dangly bits don't tend to have quite the same forest like growth...

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 00:55:36


< innocent face >

YoniTime Wed 21-Aug-13 10:19:32

Speaking as a woman, I really like the cut of your Jib AnyFucker. cake

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 10:23:59

My grandad was called Fred. He was ace!

And marzipan is only ok in stollen.

And yes, the "I am Man" thing is hmm it reeks of "now listen up, lil ladies - this is what you are doing wrong"
Christ knows how this forum has muddled along as a female-dominated site for so long!

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 10:25:26

why thankyou, YT smile

GrimmaTheNome Wed 21-Aug-13 10:33:42

>Christ knows how this forum has muddled along as a female-dominated site for so long!

tch tch, deferring to the superior knowledge of the patriarchs. sadgrin

Suelford Wed 21-Aug-13 11:26:20

"As a man" is 9 times out of 10 followed by some ridiculous generalising bullshit, just like "As a mother".

MardyBra Wed 21-Aug-13 11:33:24

I like it when you don't discover for a long time that certain posters are male -like ComposHat. To me, it means they're just joining in as fellow human beings rather than doing the mansplaining. I thought Tiggy was a lesbian before I discovered he was a bloke.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 11:38:43

Indeed, MB. there are quite a few male posters who don't shove that fact in your face, as if it makes all the feckin' difference

Now listen here. I have been prepared to tolerate this Feminists section and let you all get on with sharing your feminist views and opinions - but when some of you start dissing marzipan, you have Stepped Over A Line!! Marzipan is delicious - especially the marzipan I make (to the recipe of the blessed Saint Delia, of course).

You should go back to the trivial matters of sorting out society, and leave marzipan alone - ok??!

grincake<with marzipan.

MardyBra Wed 21-Aug-13 11:41:36

Marzipan is lush.
Christmas cake stinks.

grimbletart Wed 21-Aug-13 11:48:02

AF - it's when they start "as a mere male.." you really need to have the bullshit detector set on high mode. grin

KellyHopter Wed 21-Aug-13 11:52:27

Oh yes, 'mere male' or similar. Get knotted.

That really lights my tampon strings. hmm

"As a male" at the start of the sentence is up there with "I'm not a sexist but..." and "I don't mean to be nasty but..." - it is a useful clue that they are about to say something objectionable and think they have "defused" it with their preface.

I do like male posters to make some comment that makes it clear they are male if it is relevant to the discussion though, just to make it clearer what their starting point might be and save confusion. But not necessary in more general threads.

As a ma...

If I was a man, would y'all be surprised grin

YoniTime Wed 21-Aug-13 14:23:37

My least favourite intro is something like Hi ladies I'm a man <ducks> <awaits pitchforks>lol implying that his female audience are full of wild irrational savages who will attack him simply because he is male. Guaranteed to not make me read the rest.

YoniTime Wed 21-Aug-13 14:27:09

The other thing that sort of intro implies is that we better be nice to OP since he is a man and all.

Bunnylion Wed 21-Aug-13 15:40:15

As a male I am OUTRAGED at the opinions on this website.

I have just shown it to my wife and she is nodding furiously in agreement.

TeiTetua Wed 21-Aug-13 15:45:02

I can recall hearing a man say on a feminist board (no, he didn't start off with "Speaking as a man...") that he felt embarrassed about pointing out that he's male, as if it were a kind of exhibitionism, but then if he didn't say anything he felt deceptive, and there wasn't any right way to deal with it, but most of the time, not saying anything was definitely easier. He did sort of wonder if anything he'd be likely to say would ever make people think he was male and point it out, and if that happened maybe it would be thing for feminists to note ("You can always tell if there's a man around...") Or maybe people absolutely should sound like the person they are, so he'd be entitled.

It's of the same ilk as 'Speaking as a mother'. Bore off.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 21-Aug-13 15:51:00

Yes... I think that may be why quite a lot of the men who post regularly have a gendered NN, then they don't have to mention it at all.

Speaking as an anonymous person with access to a keyboard and a broadband service, I don't really care what gender a poster is. There's often no need to specify it, with some clear exceptions of course.

That said, it is often quite easy to tell when a man posts on FWR (again with notable exceptions) because they either sound like they've styled themselves as some wise, logical figure from on high to arbitrate between feminists and the rest of humanity; or they want to argue the toss about everything in a Devil's Advocate way, often as purely an intellectual exercise. Oh, and <whispers> those guests that impose upon us every so often. But they don't count.

YoniTime Wed 21-Aug-13 15:58:47

I think OP and others, at least me, have a problem with a certain kind of attitude not that men point out that they're men if it's relevant.

SunshineBossaNova Wed 21-Aug-13 16:03:48

^^What Yoni said.

Dackyduddles Wed 21-Aug-13 16:05:52

It's the same as

I'm just being honest/ don't mean to offend

Or the classic

I ain't racist but

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 16:11:46

I don't mind gendered or ungendered nicknames.

It's just the entitled "speaking as a man..." trope that sets my teef on edge

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Wed 21-Aug-13 16:46:02

Oh, thank god, yes.

And can I add, 'Hi ladies ... blah blah blah. Discuss'.

Fuck off.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 16:54:39

..... aaaand fuck off some more smile

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 17:31:54

God, the "ladies" thing really twitches my toffee.

KellyHopter Wed 21-Aug-13 17:34:53

"Hi mummies..."


LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Wed 21-Aug-13 17:41:40

Yes, indeed.

It's not especially an MRA thing, but it's such a massive giveaway when someone is trying to sell/advertise something on the sly, when they start a post with 'Hello mummies'.

I notice the MRAs are currently setting up the 'but ... wait ... isn't this a site for parents' shock revelation on another thread. Subtle.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 17:45:29

My wife would be furious with you all if I had one.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 17:46:04

I can't be sexist coz I have a mum, innit.

GrimmaTheNome Wed 21-Aug-13 17:48:01

>but ... wait ... isn't this a site for parents' shock revelation on another thread

Mm - just being helpful in case anyone hadn't noticed the big 'by parents for parents' strapline? I do sometimes wish it was called 'ParentsNet' - I doubt it would change the demographics much but would avoid that particular twattery.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Wed 21-Aug-13 17:48:55

Oh, I think what they are actually going for is the 'FWR is full of childless harridans whose empty wombs sting them into frustrated anti-male efforts'.

But yes.

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 17:49:27

LRD, yes, because you can't be a feminist and a parent - what with the whole penis-hating thing.

NicholasTeakozy Wed 21-Aug-13 18:19:07

I used to post with a different name (until dd2 started quoting my posts at me) and it never entered my head that I should point out my gender. I think this NN makes it obvious, though the last one should've too. What was strange was starting a thread in AIBU after starting an identical thread in FWR (a lovely poster recommended I do an AIBU) loads of posters referred to me as 'she'. As a man I took that as a massive compliment.

kim147 Wed 21-Aug-13 18:27:29

I can't remember my "reveal" - but it must have been on this section and no doubt in a 1000 post thread grin

NotDead Wed 21-Aug-13 18:27:33

As a woman, I know that its difficult for men to appreciate how they come across when they mention their gender. They might think that they are merely highlighting that when they say 'my partner' and then 'she' they are not lesbian, or are saying that they are aware that society, expectations, viewpoints can sometimes be gendered even without the actors being aware, because that is the context in which the advice is being sought, but they are not - at least in the mind of some of the regulars, because some of the regulars hear 'I am a man' and picture a massive godlike tool wagging their finger and telling them off in a Dickens-y sort of teacher sort of daddy sort of way. This isn't fact you know, because, as a mother, I know that sometimes emotion clouds the thoughts of the most intelligent child when they are in a foot-stamping tantrum.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Wed 21-Aug-13 18:31:42

True, winni. grin

I do often feel as if, when someone rocks up saying 'as a man ...', I should be wearing a nun's habit and peering over the convent wall at this unknown representative of a foreign species ...

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 18:48:49

Oh god, yes. Because, y'know, we sometimes need to be told what we are doing wrong. Especially wrt feminism! And we don't want to be scared away by these strange creatures we don't know how to relate to.

Nicholas, kim, that's it. I couldn't care less whether its a woman or a fella advising me on what type of wine I should get. Or advising me on handling ds's epic meltdowns. But someone replying "as a man" or even "as a mum" sets my teeth on edge. Its just so bloody patronising.

Imagine if everyone started their comments with "as a female/male, I think this..." There's just no need to announce it. I make my opinions on people to do with what they have to say not whether they have a penis or a vagina.

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 19:07:09

ABF, as a woman, I think you have made a very good point <pats on head>

StickEmUp Wed 21-Aug-13 19:09:07

Yay!! I'm a childless harriden.

Actually I'm childfree.

Pan Wed 21-Aug-13 19:12:27

I think many of you are being a bit harsh here.....

repeat offenders maybe, but for the first timer who has stumbled across Mumsnet and is additionally a bit unsure of netiquitte it may well seem polite and respectful to say who they are and from where they are coming from. Asking for advice from such a site can be a bit daunting, and have no idea how you may be received.

if not so gentle nudges changes nothing in posting style, then they get all they deserve. As Tiggy said recently, it's never a good idea to start a conversation bollocks first.

LRDPomogiMnyeSRabotoi Wed 21-Aug-13 19:16:48

You can usually tell the difference, TBH, pan.

Not always, but usually.

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 19:23:06

Pan, what we sometimes find is when a "gentle nudge" is given, it can trigger a huuuuge manly tantrum about how we are misconstruing what is simply a "friendly overture" and what a bunch of vipers we are and how the Daily Mail is right about us < yawwwn >

Having said that, those threads are usually started by the hairy of hand. Which unfortunately reinforces the idea that a thread that commences with "as a man" or "hi ladeez" is to be viewed with derision and/or suspicion

if blokes just didn't do it in the first place it would help

it's not like they don't understand how patronising it is, because I assume these blokes don't march up to a bunch of people in a pub and start spouting his opinions "as a man"

or maybe they do smile

Didactylos Wed 21-Aug-13 19:25:36

could we have a special thread where posts with these openings get quarantined - call it ' as a mere male' or Mansplainers Anonymous
or even 'am I being masculine?'

(btw, I am outraged, and so is my wife)

ClaraOswald Wed 21-Aug-13 19:28:24

Surely an opinion is formed by one's brain and not the penis or vagina?

Therefore drawing attention to your genitalia usually precedes a massive piece of twattery.

In my opinion.

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 19:29:42

The "as a man"-ing threads are normally started to tell us that we neglect our children/hate men/are far too sensitive about silly rape jokes. A man asking for rship advice will usually be treated as any other poster.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 19:43:43

Can I add "I fear for my sons" and "as a mother of boys" to the list?

AnyFucker Wed 21-Aug-13 19:46:12

I saw a new acronym created yesterday. It was a special moment, and I have to admit a likkle tear formed in my cynical eye.

It was MoB. (Mother of Boys)

< sniffle >

Pan Wed 21-Aug-13 19:50:05

True LRD and AF.
I recall being clueless about asking about dd being a Highly Sensitive Child, and a google said 'MN'. But that's for mums, isn't it??
Unless a bloke is used to being around women, the initial twattery can be seen as just that.
Winnicas - I'd disagree - I have Rel. hidden but from what I recall, men's circs get treated quite differently to women's.

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 19:54:09

hmm, I dunno. I've seen men get some really great advice and can think of a few threads where they are told that their DW or DGF is bang out of order.

Winnicas Wed 21-Aug-13 19:55:15

Oh yes, Mother Of Boys.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 19:58:55


When their children get older, do they become MOOBs?

YoniBottsBumgina Wed 21-Aug-13 20:05:14

Do MoBs often refer to SMOGs? (Smug mother of girls) Since girls are innately well behaved and calm whereas boys are little whirlwinds, apparently.

TeiTetua Wed 21-Aug-13 20:39:35

Oh, but they are. Snips and snails and puppydog tails, we all know that.

crumpledinside Wed 21-Aug-13 20:46:11

As a marzipan lover, I fear for my cakes

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 20:59:25




Br0na Wed 21-Aug-13 21:01:09

I agree. Is it supposed to carry so much weight. This is how it really is girls.

Libertine73 Wed 21-Aug-13 21:04:31

Can you make marzipan???

Pan Wed 21-Aug-13 21:12:48

No you can't make marzipan. It involves unicorns and rainbows.

crumpledinside Wed 21-Aug-13 21:14:36

You can make your own using a coffee bean grinder to grind the almonds. Then mix with icing sugar. You get to choose your own coarseness.

I like it coarse.

Chubfuddler Wed 21-Aug-13 21:18:20

I do enjoy some quality lizardsplaining though. "As a male" is a handy heads up that you are about to be thoroughly patronised. Especially when they purport to speak for their wife.

Chubfuddler Wed 21-Aug-13 21:19:14

What are you if you have boys and girls? Apart from fucking knackered?

Where's my smug?

<stamps foot>

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 21:19:42

My wife is still livid.

Chubfuddler Wed 21-Aug-13 21:24:41

Occupy her with some marzipan making.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 21:31:16

She hates marzipan because everyone knows only feminists love a crushed nut.

crumpledinside Wed 21-Aug-13 21:40:58

Dude, I don't merely crush nuts, I grind them into a puree.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 21:44:29

You've made my wife cry, crumpled.

I hope you are proud of yourself.

You should get your wife to make you a sandwich Shesh that'll cheer her up.

MissStrawberry Wed 21-Aug-13 21:51:27

It would have been useful to know a certain poster was a man when I offered [snogs] blushgrin.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 21:57:35

My wife says that hearing a feminist talk about sandwiches makes her sad because feminists don't understand the importance of sandwiches. Or blow jobs.

Does your wife agree with we is nasteeee viperz?

*that we are, not with.

Damn brain iPad.

crumpledinside Wed 21-Aug-13 22:02:49

Nasty viperz with body hair and shrivelled childless ovariez? And marzipan dildoz?

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:08:52

My wife doesn't even know what a dildo is. Because she likes peniz.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:09:10

Marzipan dildoz grin

Marzipan dildoz


Tasty and satisfying...

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:12:10

Mixed with shrivelled ovariez and we have ourselves a feminist stollen.

No spiderz in my stollen please ma'am.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:15:32

If itz a feminizt stollen it'll be covered in spiders, says my wife. Because spiders eat men. Like feminizts do.

Then I must renounce my belief system, I do not eat spiderz. Will you let your wife chat to me on an anonymous forum now?

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:17:48

My wife says she knows how to use a kettle so why should she learn to use a keyboard?

Huh. Well, maybe I have a wife. Huh. Have you thought about that?

And she says... She says... Um...

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:20:30

Oh. Um. No.

<checks with wife>

My wife doesn't believe you. Prove you have a wife.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:21:20

My nan says you're a fucking liar.

Libertine- I make my own marzipan. No fairies or unicorns involved.

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 21-Aug-13 22:23:22

With only a couple of exceptions most men on here are twats.
There. I've said it.
<Tiggy and Compos are my exceptions BTW>

My wife says you should tell your wife that she does too exist. And my mum says you're to stop being mean to me.


Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:25:00

My nan could take your mum in a sandwich making competition. Any. Day.


That is all, folks

I also nominate NicholasTeakosy and dervel for non-twat awards.

My mum doesn't do sandwiches, she is one if them feminists.

Sheshelob Wed 21-Aug-13 22:29:14

Now my nan is upset.

Nest of viperz.


<<feels compelled to confess to secret crush on Pan>> blush

I justificaion, I've had wine

<reviews notes>

Shesh nan upset
Crush on Pan
Most men twats
Feminist stollen recipe

vintagecakeisstillnice Wed 21-Aug-13 22:35:20

Tiggys a mmmmmmmm man??????shock

I hate stollen, but love marzipan <conflicted>

Totally agree with the OP btw, AF

What about shrivelled ovariez?

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 21-Aug-13 22:40:17

It also annoys me when there's a general thread and someone comes up with 'Well, I just asked my dp and he says...
Haven't you got your own fucking opinion?

LadyBeagleEyes Wed 21-Aug-13 22:41:33

OH, and marzipan is shit. I always pick it out of the Christmas cake.

Well, I've just asked my DH and he say no, I don't grin


<goes to bed>

...unless the dp happens to have expertise relevant to a question, otherwise I agree totally.

kickassangel Wed 21-Aug-13 22:50:27

Well, speaking as an Angel, I Agree withAF and Yoni and everyone.

Love marzipan. Tried making it once and decided that shop bought is definitely better, don't like the graininess of home made.

Everyone always assumes I am female, but traditionally, angels are male (but strangely neuter at the same time) which probably means I'm confused.

Pan Wed 21-Aug-13 22:55:39

No need for the blush Pacific - it happens. <crush-ending post grin>

I have always disliked having to state one's gender when registering for talk forums (there is a long story about me having a lifetime ban from one where what was apparently the Final Straw was me suggesting the site hosts weren't technically competent enough to make it feasible to register without stating gender). Until I discovered Mumsnet.

kickassangel Thu 22-Aug-13 09:53:18

I avoid stating my sex or gender as much as I can, as I want people to respond to me as me, rather than as a woman.

SinisterSal Thu 22-Aug-13 10:04:18

speaking as a plumbers wife I always put forward his opinion on Op's Pipe Query

Maybe he could advise on my broken boiler. No hot water for Buff and the scoobies at the moment hmm

TeiTetua Thu 22-Aug-13 13:43:15

But would you want to hear from someone who would start off with "Speaking as a plumber..."?

I suppose if your hot water is out, that's exactly what you'd want.

SinisterSal Thu 22-Aug-13 16:18:24

Yeah. Not if you needed your tax return sent in, or your dodgy looking rash looked at.

TiggyD Thu 22-Aug-13 21:53:54

<Gives "Not A Twat!" badge a quick polish>

SunshineBossaNova Thu 22-Aug-13 21:57:16


AnyFucker Thu 22-Aug-13 22:07:48

I am very happy to see you on my thread, tiggy

Speaking as a non twat, of course smile

NicholasTeakozy Thu 22-Aug-13 22:30:00

Yay! Tiggy's here! About bloody time.

Pan Thu 22-Aug-13 22:34:11


Pan Thu 22-Aug-13 22:35:29

NT we have a Vuelta thread in Sports, if you'd wish to pop along?

duchesse Thu 22-Aug-13 22:46:55

I never even knew that Tiggy and NicholasTeakozy were men. Defo non-twats! No clues whatever in anything I've ever read by them. Although to be fair the other regular lovely male posters are generally only identifiable by their names (thinking eg BetaDad or niceguy) which are bit of a giveaway.

kickassangel Fri 23-Aug-13 00:21:13

Never knew Tiggy was a man!

Many of the male posters have names that identify them as men. Is that an attempt at upfront honesty, or a need to assert their manliness?

SunshineBossaNova Fri 23-Aug-13 01:00:39
NicholasTeakozy Fri 23-Aug-13 05:50:43

Morning Pan, will do. I have no idea who's riding this year.

Careful with those badges now, I only had enough bottle tops for a couple...

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