Should I force DD to be fashionable?

(56 Posts)
fuzzpig Tue 26-Mar-13 18:34:15

Recently had a comment from another mum at a birthday party (thankfully NOT in earshot of DD) saying that she was wearing a ridiculous outfit because it didn't 'go'.

Perfectly pedestrian clothes BTW, just clashing bright/pastel colours and a long sleeved top under a dress. That's the sort of thing she likes to wear. She doesn't choose what clothes I buy - I get pretty normal supermarket children's clothes - but she chooses what to wear each day.

Apparently I should be inisting that she wears coordinating clothes all the time so she doesn't look silly.

She is FIVE, by the way. She shouldn't have to worry about this, right?! Or am I being naive and setting her up for a lifetime of social problems by not choosing her clothes? confused

scarlettsmummy2 Tue 26-Mar-13 18:39:37

I don't think you need to make her be fashionable, but I am not sure I would trust my four year old to wear whatever she wants all the time!

Alibabaandthe40nappies Tue 26-Mar-13 18:40:59

Oh dear God, of course she shouldn't have to worry about this yet.

There is a little girl who goes to a music group I take DS2 to. These children are between 18 and 30 months old. This girl always has a bow in her hair, and a really fashionable outfit to co-ordinate with her Mum. Proper grown up clothes, muted colours and no stretch or elastic to be seen. It is such a shame sad

Smudging Tue 26-Mar-13 18:41:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StickEmUp Tue 26-Mar-13 18:41:45

Well child-free me doesn't know A lot About kids but lemme see:

At 5, the main thing is reading, beginning to write, and simple maths?

Women who commented stupid, if i am correct on what i thought were very young priorities.

The woman is a loon.

Turquoiseblue Tue 26-Mar-13 18:43:10

hmm have a similar here too. I dont think you should be dictating to them what to wear always, and fwiw I would let dd off to a party wearing her choice of emsemble (within reason - I did draw the line at her togs and swim fins to go visiting her nana last week - but that was more because of the cold outside and in her nans house !
If it s clean fits and seasonally (ie weather and cold ) appropraite then I wouldnt do too much about it really.

stargirl1701 Tue 26-Mar-13 18:43:30

A mum at a group I go to commented how 'differently' I dress DD. She followed that up with how she wants her DD to look fashionable now she's getting older. They are 6 months old!

I tried not to snort grin

brettgirl2 Tue 26-Mar-13 18:47:38

I have a clashing 4 year old. Tbh I let her choose her own clothes from the supermarket, it kills an hour.

Life's easier, one less thing to argue about imo and she looks cute.

I think in a similar situation I might have laughed and appeared like I thought she was joking. Are you sure she wasnt?

turkeyboots Tue 26-Mar-13 18:47:54

DD was like your at 5. A year of school and "fashion" is now an issue. Clothes have to be from same shops as friends, and she copies what the girls in Years 3 and 4 wear.

So avoid all this while you still can!

Whyriskit Tue 26-Mar-13 18:52:15

An aquaintance of mine has a 4 year old DD who is a typical 4 year old. The mum is very stylish and the little girl is always dressed in designer gear and looks dreadfully restricted.
FWIW I generally let DS1 choose what he wears. DS2, being 2, is a little more contrary, and needs some guidance to avoid wearing wellies in summer etc.
Your DD is developing her own sense of self, and that is fine.

colditz Tue 26-Mar-13 18:53:33

Smudging

I love you

sjupes Tue 26-Mar-13 19:03:27

My dd is 8 and dresses magnificently - things match but not the way they are meant to i.e on someone elses child the clothes would hang wrong or be weird looking but dd just has that look confused to last years christmas party she wore leapoard print wellys, red tights, a grey stripey jumper dress, beige furry gilet with a hairband with a massive butterfly on it - it sounds awful but god she looked incredible and also happy smile

She turned to me last week and said ''mum, the other girls in class like one direction but i don't want to, i like my own stuff i don't need to be just like them eh?'' My wee heart burst with pride!!

Don't conform as long as your dd is happy smile

kim147 Tue 26-Mar-13 19:06:02

Much easier with DS. He's been so conditioned to earth coloured tops, probably with a picture of a dinosaur on them (or a plane) plus a pair of darkish trousers.

I think DS is very fashionable for a 7yr old. grin

madamginger Tue 26-Mar-13 19:18:31

I buy all 6 year old dds clothes, but its up to her to pick what she wants to wear. Today she wore a party dress with a pair of jeans under and pink boots.
We went to an easter egg hunt in the park and she was the best dressed one there wink

defineme Tue 26-Mar-13 19:18:45

I think obviously your dd is fine to wear what she likes.

On the other hand I never chose what I wore as a child, had very few clothes and Mum just put out what was weather appropriate and I didn't give a stuff.

I think children choosing what to wear is a relatively new thing and reflects that they just have lots of clothes because clothes are cheaper and more readily available than they used to be. It doesn't particularly suggest free spirit to me.

However, I'm not interested in fashion, but I really hate clashing colours-sets my teeth on edge.I do talk about colour a lot with the kids when we're painting and drawing. If dd or ds asks me 'does this go' about stuff they're wearing I'm truthful and it's up to them if they change it..I insist on a change if they are wearing something inappropriate for the activity or the weather.

fuzzpig Tue 26-Mar-13 19:32:13

Thanks for all the replies smile

Smudging grin

I do have some limits BTW, eg appropriate for weather and not her best dress for running in mud. Her clothes don't have holes in, her hair is neat (well as neat as I can get it, it's flyaway!) and that's good enough for me.

I expect I will let her choose what I buy soon, it's really more due to time/practicality that I just choose stuff as and when.

Sjupes, that is fab smile

Good point about having more choice nowadays. I had hardly anything - DD certainly isn't drowning in clothes (their room is tiny so very little storage!) but does have more than me.

UptoapointLordCopper Tue 26-Mar-13 20:17:59

I thought it was going to be about a teenage child! FIVE, ffs. shock Wear what you can play in!

DSs' trousers all have holes and patches and holes in patches. That's fashion. grin I told them some people buy jeans with holes in and they look shock and hmm.

Iggly Tue 26-Mar-13 20:25:15

My dd is 15 months and there is a pressure to dress her fashionably in some circles hmm

I dress her in bright sometimes garish colours (hot pink cords with rainbow top anyone!) whereas a lot of girls her age are all in greys/creams etc.

fuzzpig Tue 26-Mar-13 20:27:58

Indeed! Apart from a couple of nice dresses/skirts, her clothes are basically leggings and t-shirts! Practical and comfy for all the running, climbing, scooting etc she certainly doesn't get her energy from me

I did wonder idly if she would say that about a boy in similarly 'odd' clothes, but there weren't any boys there.

In general though, looking in clothes shops, it does seem that only boys are supposed to dress practically hmm

specialsubject Tue 26-Mar-13 21:22:34

tell the other woman that you are bringing up your daughter to think that fashion is for fools.

and let her make the most of the time in life when you can wear pinafores, bunches, loud colours and still look good!

doyouwantfrieswiththat Tue 26-Mar-13 21:34:34

fashionable? Have you seen the style hunter section of Grazia lately? The look de jour is somewhere between bag lady & strongly medicated.

ds2 likes to choose his own clothes and he likes them bright which makes him easier to spot, ds1 is just starting to show a need to stay under the radar. Occasionally people comment on ds2's clothes, especially the fairy dresses, he's 5 and is just starting to care.

But tbf we're talking more of fitting into a group here aren't we and for that purpose it's less about 'fashion' it's more about conforming.

doyouwantfrieswiththat Tue 26-Mar-13 21:38:26

Incidentally I saw a young (9ish?) boy wearing a t-shirt saying ' my girlfriend is a super model' which I thought was deeply naff, my judgement was also influenced by the fact that he didn't want ds2 on his 'team' and kicked up a fuss.

VerySmallSqueak Tue 26-Mar-13 21:45:00

I'm loving encouraging a sense of their own style in my DD's.

If they want to be fashionable that'll be of their doing - not mine.

But it won't be through flicking through masses of glossy magazines at home or by watching loads of celeb crap.

hwjm1945 Tue 26-Mar-13 21:49:43

Woman sounds lime an idiot.let them make their own
Decisions.within reason and in accordance with weatheretc

At any age kids should wear what they want as long as it's appropriate for the weather and whatever they are doing. Once they get to school age then maybe the occasional bit of guidance for eg wedding, funeral, great auntie's 80th birthday or whatever, but other than that FFS it's unimportant.

Schooldidi Tue 26-Mar-13 22:01:51

Both my dds have worn 'interesting' outfits from time to time.

Dd1 has now reached an age (13) where she is starting to pay a little bit more attention to it, but she is still quite fussy that her clothes have to feel right and less interested in how they look.

Dd2 has just turned 3 and wears some right wierd and wonderful outfits because she chooses her clothes most days. So she generally opts for long sleeved top under a t shirt with jeans, but some of the colour combinations make me wince a bit. Then other days everything she wears has to 'match' in the sense that it's all pink, or all green, etc.

Wellies (with cars and buses on grin) are the footwear of choice at all times and the current favourite coat is a dressing up outfit to make her look like a ladybird hmm. If she's warm enough I don't really censor what she wears.

UnEggspectedItemInBonnetArea Tue 26-Mar-13 22:05:03

My DD is 5 and delights in the weirdest clothing combinations, it's a joy to behold. Ignore loopy woman.

Geeklover Tue 26-Mar-13 22:09:37

My dd is a bit of a clothes horse. She is almost 10 and always looks fab. Just rarely very conventional smile
When she was a toddler and started wanting to wear odd combinations or fancy dress clothes out and about I never stopped her. I do hear people saying to their dc of both sexes you can't wear that etc. but I always felt I was letting then express who they were by their choice of clothes.
Dd is starting to see pressure from other girls but she just thinks they are being silly. She likes what she likes and doesn't care if anyone else does or not.
Ds as well often dresses like he got dressed in the dark at a jumble sale and has at times gone shopping with me in a party dress or something else he thought looked or felt nice grin.
He's 7 and also doesn't give a stuff what people say. He is a hat man and has loads. He gets comments everywhere he goes in his hats and luckily all complimentary.

If they are comfortable and in weather activity appropriate clothing who am I to argue with them.

Yardarm Tue 26-Mar-13 22:32:48

I find much fashionable clothing for girls to be both impractical for playing and often also inappropriate for their age. I know there will be more pressure later to dress in a more 'grown up' way but for now I am very glad that my 7yo DD chooses boys trousers, shorts etc (but perhaps with a slightly more girlish top) and faces no pressure from friends (or their mums!) to dress in any other way. Perhaps that's because many of them have older brothers rather than sisters!

Beamur Tue 26-Mar-13 22:39:05

I like my DD to be dressed in nice clothes and fairly matching outfits - but she has some choice too, after all she is a person - not my accessory!
Funnily enough, where I live artful clashing is way more fashionable than matchy matchy.
A friend of mine has a little girl with very strong ideas about what she will and won't wear and went through a phase where everything had to be stripy (and then it was spotty, or a certain colour) and everything she wore - including undies had to conform to that - and came up with some very interesting outfits!

glub Tue 26-Mar-13 23:03:40

you are joking aren't you? like you said, she is 5! who cares as long as she can move and likes it herself. if she's anything like my daughter she will have her own ideas about what she wants to wear - she needn't wear what some old silly woman thinks is right.

margot1962 Wed 27-Mar-13 02:50:18

She's 5! Get a grip on this! Tell her that what you achieve (good at reading)is more important than how you look.

sashh Wed 27-Mar-13 08:06:17

At 5 a spiderman costume worn with glittery wellies and a blue tutu is a good look.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 27-Mar-13 08:15:15

Who makes that kind of comment about a five year old?

TrinityRhino Wed 27-Mar-13 08:28:22

that woman is not only rude but quite crazy....actually very crazy

noblegiraffe Wed 27-Mar-13 08:38:59

Oh god, is there such thing as fashion for kids? Is Peppa Pig so last season? Is my DS in dinosaurs when he should be in diggers? The shame!

SofiaAmes Wed 27-Mar-13 08:39:25

My dd has been picking her own outfits and dressing herself since she was 2. She's been designing and making her own outfits since she was 7. I used to get comments from other parents periodically about her clothes not matching. Well, now she is 10 and the other girls and adults all look to her for fashion advice and strangers stop her in the street to compliment her outfits. I can guarantee you that not one of her outfits ever "matched" in a conventional way.
There was the one day in 3rd grade where she had convinced her entire year that wearing deflated red bouncy balls at a rakish angle on your head was the latest style in hats....And the day that a mum texted me to say how hip my dd looked and where did i get her clothes from...I didn't have the heart to tell her that they were hand-me-downs from her dd, just worn in a slightly more unique combination.

Toasttoppers Wed 27-Mar-13 08:40:29

My mother used to dress me up as a child, I am not fashionable at all as an adult.

extracrunchy Wed 27-Mar-13 08:40:42

Ridiculous. And actually quite sad...

SatsukiKusukabe Wed 27-Mar-13 14:44:22

will out myself here.. basically I dress dd myself, we live in area with extreme weather and a 2 year old doesn't get the option of deciding her clothes for that reason. However she "accessorises" herself on her own. She has a collection of probably hundred Mardi grass type beads dozens of hats and sunglasses and shoes to choose from. I live near a couple pretty amazing charity shops and occasionally go overboard... inevitably she wears her dragon wellies or red sparkly shoes firefighters helmet or Easter bonnet type thingAnd a couple of suprisingly well color coordinated beads. She then tops off her look with putting her sunglasses on sticking both thumbs up and saying aaaay like the Fonz. I find it hilarious I realize it's totally unacceptable or so I have read time to time on mumsnet... but I love it. Ds is still little but been practicing putting in hats.

Bue Wed 27-Mar-13 15:44:35

Stargirl shock Dressing fashionably at six months?! "Outfits" for babies would have no place in my life. Who can be bothered with the faff?

TheSmallClanger Wed 27-Mar-13 16:01:05

If you can't wear crazy clashing clothes at 5, when can you wear them?

DD had some co-ordinating outfits and a lot of thrown-together ones at that age, and she did go through a phase of liking to wear layers - skirt or dress over trousers, with a cardi or jumper and perhaps a scarf. She wasn't the only one. Lots of the little girls round here wore/wear colourful wellies as their main footwear.

OBface Wed 27-Mar-13 16:06:57

How bloody depressing.

OP take no notice

WoTmania Thu 28-Mar-13 11:03:31

NO is the short answer.
Let her wear what she wants and experiment and gain confidence in the way she looks and develop her 'own style'.
My mum and I clashed for years (and years and years and years and years and years) because she tried to get me to conform to a certain way of dressing that just wasn't me. We get along a lot better now I'm in my 30s and she leaves me alone mostly.

I was told off for letting ds 2 wear pink when he was 3! He had pink wellies, tshirts, hoodies. My reasoning was piccasso had a blue phase.... He's turned out ok. Likes pink, won't wear it though! The woman's a loon! Ignore!

infamouspoo Sat 30-Mar-13 18:25:26

No. Fashion is a way to make women buy more stuff than they need and feel insecure. Why make them start at 5?

InNeedOfBrandy Sat 30-Mar-13 18:30:08

Oh I am the complete opposite of all of you on this thread. I always have my dc looking nice, it might be head to toe primarni (well actually no I hate primark but they have had the odd thing) but they always match and look nice. EG I wouldn't let dd wear her pink trainers with red trousers, why because it looks awful.

FreyaSnow Sat 30-Mar-13 20:29:07

I agree with the poster who mentioned 'artfully clashing' as being a fashion. It is a sterotypical look for a middle class child from a certain sort of family - lots of bright colours, wellies, skirts over trousers, long tops under dresses and tshirts, boys with long hair, knitted striped jumpers etc.

If I go to my local park, half the kids in the playground are dressed like this.

chipmonkey Sat 30-Mar-13 20:44:50

How rude of her to comment!

I remember one of ds2's friends aged 3 coming to a party in a pink top, orange trousers and wellies!grin The Dad was at pains to explain that it was her own choice of clothing, not his, but to be fair, I was more worried about where all the friends were at any given time, rather than what they were wearing. Mind you, she was easy to find!

Schooldidi Sat 30-Mar-13 21:28:04

Freya we fit that stereotype well in our house. Dd2 chose her own clothes today and mil nearly had a fit when she saw her. Everything was spotty!! So she had purple with yellow spots on a long sleeved tshirt, then on top of that she had a white sundress with tiny multi-coloured spots, her knickers and socks were both white with spots. The only problem with her 'spotty' look was the trousers because she doesn't have any spotty trousers so she chose stripey leggings because "stripes are nearly spots". Top it off with a ladybird dressing up waistcoat, a monkey head hat, and a bright red coat, and she looked a complete state. BUT she had chosen it herself and had got herself dressed without any help, which is a big deal when you're 3 and she was so proud of herself. It would have been cruel to tell her it didn't look great.

MrsDeVere Sat 30-Mar-13 21:34:35

As long as they are warm/dry/not too hot etc
Who cares?

I am going to be absolutely honest though... I can't bear my kids looking scruffy when we go out. They often do , but it makes me very uncomfortable.
But that is linked to my childhood.

Other people's DCs? I do not judge at all unless they look neglected (as opposed to just a bit grubby).

I think this has to go both ways though. Its not right to judge a parent who dresses their child in designer wear as vain or controlling (or anything else)

BanjoPlayingTiger Sat 30-Mar-13 21:39:39

Oh FFS! 5! hmm

How utterly ridiculous.

I hate how girls are supposed to conform to fashion. My dd is 13, she mostly dresses in baggy trousers and tops. I have had people tell me she should wear more girly things. TBH, as long as she is wearing clothes that are weather appropriate I let her wear whatever.

I have been found on more than one occasion ranting in clothes departments about the lack of suitable clothing and footwear for girls who want to climb trees.

Greythorne Sun 31-Mar-13 10:53:25

I agree with MrsDV

I love dressing my DDs up in 'nicely' matching outfits but I am Northern working class and we just don't do shabby chic. I make sure tights match, hair clips match, everything is pressed. I let the odd tiara slip through from time to time smile

But I couldn't give a toss what others do. I secretly admire those kids who turn up for play dates in orange crocs, pink fairy dress, electric blue fleece and multi colored striped tights.

AllPurposeNortherner Sun 31-Mar-13 11:16:25

I let mine choose if we have time, otherwise I lay the clothes out for them. I do supply them with clothes of my choice - eg fairly practical and often vintagey - but they do choose the odd thing, mostly moshi monsters/thomas stuff tbh.

6yo DD1 had a non uniform day recently. She wore black shoes, grey and black woolly tights, black velvet dress with grey long sleeved top underneath and a denim waistcoat. She looked ace :-D

3yo DD2 mostly chooses "boy" clothes, and they suit her too. A usual outfit would be red combat trousers, thomas trainers, thomas t shirt, yellow hand knitted cardigan and a ladybird hat grin

AllPurposeNortherner Sun 31-Mar-13 11:18:10

Oh, and it might be relevant that they have very kind family who make clothes for them - black velvet dress was made by MIL, cardigan was knitted by my Nana...

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