If you want to sell to me, don't call me 'love'

(40 Posts)
Kiriwawa Wed 13-Mar-13 13:57:42

Some bloke from e-on (the energy supplier) just rang me asking me if I would switch back to them and they were offering a really good incentive.

He started the call with 'Hey Kiri' rather than Hello Ms Wawa which irritated me to start with. And then he called me love.

Would any of you spend £1500/year with a company who called you 'love' or am I being overly cross and unreasonable?

OKnotOK Wed 13-Mar-13 14:02:32

Maybe its an "up North" thing (which i am). But its used a lot, its generally not meant to be patronising or sexist.

I quite like it...ive been called a lot worse.

ByTheWay1 Wed 13-Mar-13 14:02:42

I wouldn't care - I would say "it is Mrs ByTheWay1 sweetheart " and laugh at him - if it is going to save me shed loads of money I'm not going to be precious about it...

PelvicFloorClenchReminder Wed 13-Mar-13 14:04:41

I wouldn't like it either. In fact, I would hate it.

I don't think it's terribly professional to use first names or 'love', and I would be wondering whether he'd done it because I was a woman, or because they've been told to use an informal style. Men rarely call other men 'love', IME!

That said I use 'love' a lot myself, so sometimes you can hear that it's just part of someone's habits of speech.

MummyPigsFatTummy Wed 13-Mar-13 14:06:05

No I hate this too and had a row once with a tele-sales man who did it to me. I would go out of my way not to spend money with a company which allows its representatives to take this chummy and patronising approach.

Kiriwawa Wed 13-Mar-13 14:10:03

Exactly mummypig - I felt patronised. I don't care if it's a Northern thing, this is a business call from someone I don't know, selling me very expensive services. Corner shop = fine. Telesales bloke selling utilities = not fine

StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 14:10:36

Very unprofessional and would irk me too.

I can respect the view so no attack but to be reduced to 'love' to get cheaper energy, nah thanks, I'd rather pay more and recieve a professional service.

Personally.

From a large company no, I wouldn't take it.

From individual tradesmen - well, I would have a choice of none if I refused to deal with people who call me "love" - apart from the younger generation who just call me by my first name.

VerySmallSqueak Wed 13-Mar-13 14:20:47

I think it's just a regional thing - ime experience such terms are used as equally from women to men as from men to women.

It doesn't worry me at all.

notcitrus Wed 13-Mar-13 15:10:09

If it's from the fruit stall guy who calls everyone love or mate then I'll go along with it. Someone otherwise using formal English, no.

I do wonder what signals being an old person who gets called love by women who only otherwise use it for small children.

I've worked with chaps in industries where everyone is male and 'mate', where they've realised 'love' doesn't sound right because no-one else is called that, don't feel right calling a woman 'mate', and compromise with a lot of 'you' and 'me old China'. Or just gone ahead and used love, but been otherwise respectful and treating me as an equal. Unlike certain superficially-respectful colleagues. Words can indicate attitudes and influence actions, but the actions themselves are more important, IMO.

MummyPigsFatTummy Wed 13-Mar-13 16:23:22

It's all about context really. If you are having a friendly chat with someone in a local shop, perhaps, and he or she called you 'love', no problem. Nice and friendly even.

However, if you are speaking on the telephone to someone you have never met before and they switch from calling you by your first name without asking (my pet hate) to calling you 'love', it is completely unacceptable and unprofessional.

In my case, the caller did it in response to my rather cold response to the original call (it was after 8pm, I had just put Dd to bed and I hate evening cold calls - perhaps I am a bit unreasonable about this). He was clearly intending to sound demeaning, more or less saying 'calm down love, you're being hysterical'. (I wasn't shouting btw - just cold.)

Funny enough, I think it was E-on on that call too.

MummyPigsFatTummy Wed 13-Mar-13 16:27:10

Maybe not E-on but definitely electricity related. Perhaps they all go to the same cold-call training school.

StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 16:29:10
StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 16:30:43

And these kind of things are dismissed as 'no harm'.
On their own, no.
Collectively, they paint a picture of the view of women the world over.

StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 16:32:12

Sorry I should have said that post is not me!
Whoops.

Just a woman who knows what's on my mind.

MummyPigsFatTummy Wed 13-Mar-13 16:36:58

From StickEmUp's link: "Pet names have long been a good way to shut women up. You know, “simmer down, little lady”? "

This is precisely the way it was said to me.

ByTheWay1 Wed 13-Mar-13 16:45:43

So collectively the word mate/ pal/ me old mucker conveys what exactly about men?

Sometimes it is "overthunk" (as my 12 yr old says) why does the word "love" paint a picture - when both men and women use it to men and women and children - sometimes things merely are a cultural manner of speech, and not meant as a (what exactly??) put down? term of affection?

Just because folks "darn sarth" don't talk to each other... there seems to be a lot of suspicion about people from "oop north" who do so using endearments..

StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 16:51:34

YES MUMMY oops caps

'Hello love, sit down with a cuppa my little darling and let me tell you how my lovely company can save you more money to spend on pretty's'.

Ugh.

I'm in sales I know the smarmy approach. grin

StickEmUp Wed 13-Mar-13 16:52:45

As a darn sarfer, when both men and women use it to men
I never heard a man call a man love
Do they do that up north
<interested>

I love the north, btw. I holiday there as opposed to abroad, I love it so much.

ByTheWay1 Wed 13-Mar-13 16:59:54

Yep - usually with a me on the front as in "me love" or alternatively - for some reason "me duck" , was brought up surrounded by everyone using the word love all the time... I thought it was nice..

whimsicalmess Wed 13-Mar-13 17:03:03

(waves)Northerner here too, its really not that bad IMO.

cheer up love it might never 'appen (dons hard hat) grin

ByTheWay1 Wed 13-Mar-13 17:05:36

hahahahaha whimsicalmess I've learned form MN that that one is wrong in sooooooooooooooo many ways

Januarymadness Wed 13-Mar-13 17:22:06

my family and close friends csn call me love if they want. Other than that it makes me want to rip peoples heads off.

I had a female sales assistant do 9t to me the other day in a very dismissive manner. If I had the time I would have made a formal complaint. "It's only a ..... Love" angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry angry

whimsicalmess Wed 13-Mar-13 17:23:36

I have a saying in these situations WWHD, what would hyacinth do?

I don't think she'd approve grin

I can't actually think of a term like love, duck etc that irratates me.

MrsMushroom Wed 13-Mar-13 17:23:51

Yanbu. When SKY customer service people say DO you mind if I call you Mushroom?

I say @Yes...it's MRS Mushroom.

And I can hear them rolling their eyes!

Januarymadness Wed 13-Mar-13 17:24:45

it can be patronising, condesending, dismissive and over familiar all at the same time. It does very much depend on context and tone.

teatrolley Wed 13-Mar-13 17:27:27

You had me at 'Hey Kiri'. It makes me stabby.

Bue Wed 13-Mar-13 17:35:20

This annoys the hell out of me but, to borrow from another section, I think IBU. It's totally a Northern thing and isn't meant to be sexist - my right-on Northern feminist friend calls men and women love and pet all the time. That has somehow legitimised the practice for me!

anoldbloke Wed 13-Mar-13 17:38:15

'Love' is used in Yorkshire by adults to children, men to women and women to men. It's generally an informal, egalitarian and friendly gesture in the street or in a shop.

It does seem odd in a commercial cold-call, though.

Lessthanaballpark Wed 13-Mar-13 18:18:21

Can I sit on the fence and say it depends on the context? grin

MrsMushroom Wed 13-Mar-13 21:11:37

Oldbloke it's not appropriate on the phone though...not unless it's your old friend or your neighbour ffs.

I mean...where I'm from, it's normal to call everyone flower or petal...I don't do it when I'm speaking to clients!

MummyPigsFatTummy Wed 13-Mar-13 23:29:58

As has been said above, it is all about context. You know when you are being patronised and when you are not. In the context of the OP, it sounds like she was or at least the caller had no idea about professional boundaries. In my case the caller didn't like my attitude and used 'love' to put me down. Just made me angrier.

When the butcher calls me 'love' I know he is being friendly and have no issue with it.

All context. It isn't a north/south divide. It is an appropriate/inappropriate divide

CardinalRichelieu Wed 13-Mar-13 23:38:03

I actually quite like being called love, darling etc. by people in shops and pubs. OK, men don't call each other those things but they do call each other 'mate' and 'old son' (only in the east end) seemingly at random. So I don't find it patronising.

However, I do think that when someone is ringing you up from a company, and they know your name, they should call you Ms Whatever. I don't actually care, but in principle they should - especially when the customer is someone older. I feel a bit resentful on my granny's behalf if she gets called her first name by someone who is a total stranger. It's a bit chummy and creepy.

CardinalRichelieu Wed 13-Mar-13 23:38:58

Rumpole of the Bailey calls men 'old love' and 'old darling' and he's a legend.

SingingSands Wed 13-Mar-13 23:42:26

I live in West Yorkshire, where everyone calls everyone "love", so I'm used to it. But on a sales call I would bridle at it and expect the caller to be grovelling formal.

Redbindy Wed 13-Mar-13 23:44:02

A bit unprofessional but was it worth it financially?

MechanicalTheatre Wed 13-Mar-13 23:55:24

I complained to Pret a Manger because one of their staff called me "darling". "Love" I can just about cope with, although I don't like it, but "darling"? FUCK OFF.

notnagging Thu 14-Mar-13 00:10:22

It's not professional but it's not exclusively men saying it to women either. I get called love more from females.

samandi Fri 15-Mar-13 12:45:30

Good lord, I wonder how that approach goes down. No, I certainly wouldn't be switching back to an energy supplier if they called me by my first name and then 'love'.

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