Another vent about my father's wife... sorry

(48 Posts)
Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 18:42:50

My father posted on Facebook today that he was horrified that men were in Oxford's cheerleading team. Wife posts in agreement because 'men should be men and women should be women'.

I tell dad that it's because cheerleading is a gymnastic sport and men tend to chuck women around (technical term smile). Cue dad saying thanks, he didn't know that.

This was her response: No <dad's name> you are just normal, and I can tell you that it is not only mature people in this country that feel like this, I know lots of young people who are saddened by the way our country is going sad


bran Sun 24-Feb-13 18:49:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roughtyping Sun 24-Feb-13 18:50:31

Ha bran! Excellent plan!

FloraFox Sun 24-Feb-13 18:50:38

The country is going to the dogs because there are men cheerleading? Wow. Never mind the economy, who cares about the AAA rating... it's all about the cheerleaders.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 18:53:02

I may try your tip next time bran. smile

A while ago she commented that she couldn't post on a lot of peoples' pages - I wonder why...

Dad and I have a strained relationship (even more so since I've found out he's been born again as a sexist, creationist, homophobe) and I try and be polite to her. But she's a nasty fuckwit with no sense of humour.

AThingInYourLife Sun 24-Feb-13 18:56:44

"No <dad's name> you are just normal, and I can tell you that it is not only mature people in this country that feel like this, I know lots of young people who are saddened by the way our country is going"


I love the idea of all the young people being terribly upset about the corrupting influence of male cheerleaders on society.

"I'm so worried about my future - high unemployment, sky-high house prices, years of debt to pay for an education that won't improve my job prospects...

"Shut up Jocasta, you sap. There are men chucking women about gymnastically while people watch sport. We are DOOMED!"


Moominsarehippos Sun 24-Feb-13 18:59:55

Has she been the bad influence on your dad?

PuddingWhine Sun 24-Feb-13 19:04:02

She can't possibly be so weird as to think that men doing traditionally female things (not that I approve of cheerleading, I would tell my dd to go out and do her OWN sport, a real sport) but nobody feels that men cheerleading is the breakdown of society, she was in primitive terms urinating around the lampost.

I really like the "i love your sense of humour!" suggestion. Love that. Will use that soon I hope!

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 19:13:36

moomin This is my dad's third marriage and he changes personality traits with each one. He was a dope-smoking, left wing hippy and folk singer when married to my mum. Then went on to be a slightly right wing liberal new ager when married to my stepmum.

Now he's a born again Christian who thinks gays are an abomination, the world was created in 7 days, men and women have specific gender roles and atheists are all communists. He's always been big on gender roles (EA to my mother: stopped her wearing make up while bringing up me and DSis)

I don't blame her for being a bad influence. He's almost always been a selfish man and I think now he's merely letting his prejudices out freely, rather than hiding them and being 'Mr Nice Guy'. (As for being a loving Christian he regularly will go 2/3 years without phoning me - FB means that he remembers I'm alive occasionally.

Thing smile

Pudding yes she can be that weird.

TheCrackFox Sun 24-Feb-13 19:14:14

You could always inform her that you thought she would be pleased that men are doing a traditional sport.

Cheerleading used to be a male preserve

Would be interesting to see how she argues herself out of this one.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 19:15:44

Crackfox that is awesome - thank you. It's going straight on FB!

SanityClause Sun 24-Feb-13 19:21:31

Wow, CrackFox, I learn something new on MN, every day!

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 19:23:00

I got this response to that link:



StewieGriffinsMom Sun 24-Feb-13 19:24:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PuddingWhine Sun 24-Feb-13 19:26:11

wow sunny! did your father marry somebody younger than you! I'm trying to imagine saying "bothered" to somebody older than I am!

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 19:53:12

She's about 14 years older than me, and a grandmother.

It's a hugely mature response smile

MinnieBar Sun 24-Feb-13 20:21:11

Suggest she watches 'Bring It On' - male cheerleaders aplenty there. Plus Faith from Buffy is in it.
Probably not the place to say it, but I love that film!

StarNoodle Sun 24-Feb-13 20:27:08

Minnie I love that film SO MUCH IT HURTS. I can probably recite it from the beginning to end. Not hugely feminist (lines such as "she puts the WHORE in horrifying" spring to mind...) but yes, male cheerleaders! Fit ones, in the Clovers...
Sorry OP, derailing your thread! I shall go away...

kickassangel Sun 24-Feb-13 23:39:57

Glad someone could link to an article.

But why should she bother to read something factual when she can just be a bigot?

tribpot Sun 24-Feb-13 23:43:26

But you see her point - the economy is doomed because men are STEALING WOMEN'S JOBS.

Ponders Sun 24-Feb-13 23:44:58

George W Bush was a cheerleader at college

I think she needs to know that grin

(apols if this was already linked)

Tortoiseonthehalfshell Sun 24-Feb-13 23:45:34

(What does "bothered" mean? In this context?)

Ponders Sun 24-Feb-13 23:47:01

"do I look bothered?"

Ponders Sun 24-Feb-13 23:47:37

(Catherine Tate)

Greensleeves Sun 24-Feb-13 23:47:45

She sounds as thick as pig mince

Is she a sexist creationist homophobe too?

I would post "it's spelt bovvered" but then I am very childish. Moreover I wouldn't waste time and effort thinking up an intelligent responsibility for somebody who thinks the Earth is flat grin

tribpot Sun 24-Feb-13 23:48:22

I think it means she is discounting Sunnywithshowers' response because it doesn't fit with her crackpot narrow world view.

I'd be tempted to follow up with a naffola response like 'Wicked' - doesn't make any sense, isn't properly down with the kidz but it stops her from getting the last word. Innit. (I don't say 'innit' like that except sarcastically).

MechanicalTheatre Sun 24-Feb-13 23:50:16

Tell her that in the USA, football aka soccer is a wishy washy namby pamby GIRLS' sport.

And yes, the George W Bush cheerleader thing.

ajandjjmum Sun 24-Feb-13 23:51:12

'Just trying to educate you!' would be my response.

Sunnywithshowers Sun 24-Feb-13 23:51:19

She's a sexist, creationist, anti-feminist homophobe and she's thick as mince. But she's pretty and defers to my dad (ha!) which is all that counts.

I can't be arsed to get the last word. I really shouldn't get caught up in this - she doesn't do reasoned debate, she does increasingly irritable bigotry.

Anyhoo, there were probably way too many long words in that article for her to read. <meow>

MechanicalTheatre Sun 24-Feb-13 23:59:16

I fret about what we're going to do with women like that, come the revolution.

I start thinking about stuff like re-education camps, then I realise that maybe my feminism has become a bit...y'know.

MrsGeologist Mon 25-Feb-13 00:02:07

If you do fancy having the last word, please let it be, 'whevs.'

Greensleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 00:03:13

tell her she's just wel jel cos her boobs aren't what they were

it's the only language these people understand

MechanicalTheatre Mon 25-Feb-13 00:04:39

Or just go for a Scottish classic.

"Yer maw".

Nothing more, nothing less. Works in every situation.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 25-Feb-13 00:13:13

I feel sorry for her.sad

Why do you direct more of your anger towards your SM than your DF? It sounds as though he chose her because he knew that she would always back him up in his misogynist ways and is happy to hang her out to dry when his DD comes over to make himself look better.sad

Sunnywithshowers Mon 25-Feb-13 00:19:59

Dione it's because I've had quite a lot of unpleasantness from her since she's been with dad. The only things we have in common are my dad and being women. I am civil, but I don't like her.

On FB I can post something innocuous and all of a sudden she's raged all over it. (She does the same to my DSis and her kids). Dad is at least a bit warmer.

I haven't seen my dad in over 2 years, and unless I arrange it I shan't see him for another 2 years or so. I am angry with him but it's tempered with grief about the relationship we've had, and will never have. And because I love him. I've often thought if he was a boyfriend I'd have ditched him years ago. sad

Sunnywithshowers Mon 25-Feb-13 00:21:02

And she's not my SM. My SM was the woman I grew up with who I loved dearly (after initially giving her shit - I was only a kid). And who he left for his OW. She is my dad's wife.

Greensleeves Mon 25-Feb-13 00:27:45

Maybe try "Oh, I am glad to see one of you CAN be bothered"

your dad is a disgrace sad

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 25-Feb-13 00:28:26

Oh Sunny I am so sorry that you have had to put up with this. And I probably wouldn't have posted had this been in another topic. We all need to vent about the people who we see making our life more difficult.

But as this was in FWR, I called what I saw as a man being shitty to two women for what it was. Your DF is a grown adult. He has let you down throughout your life. It sounds like he uses women for his own ends and is so good at it that they end up blaming eachother instead of him.sad

tribpot Mon 25-Feb-13 00:30:55

Also the dad posted something rather kneejerk 'men? Cheerleaders?' and then appeared to acknowledge that Sunny has imparted some information he hadn't thought of, namely cheerleading being a gymnastic discipline requiring strength as well as agility.

Sunnywithshowers Mon 25-Feb-13 00:38:02

I put my comment in here originally because of the initial gendered posts about cheerleading. I totally agree that he's a disgrace. sad

Sunnywithshowers Mon 25-Feb-13 00:40:10

I hadn't thought Dione about him pitching us against each other. He may even get a little ego boost from it. confused confused

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 25-Feb-13 00:42:41

Yes Tribot, he sounds absolutely charming. I'd lay a bet that he is being just as charming to his wife offline when she asks why he didn't back her up when she defended him.

But I don't think FWR is the place to slag off individual women, who like the poster, are in thrall to a deeply misogynistic man.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 25-Feb-13 00:44:40

Sunny, once again I am sorry. I will step away from this thread now as I don't think I'm helping your situation.blush

Sunnywithshowers Mon 25-Feb-13 00:51:43

Dione no need to apologise, you have given me food for thought. It's worth me asking myself why my anger is directed at her, not him, and whether I have internalised misogyny to some degree.

DioneTheDiabolist Mon 25-Feb-13 01:00:00


Grumpla Mon 25-Feb-13 09:50:40

But hang on, I thought it was feminism that made house prices rise and sent this country to the dogs? Now she's telling me it's male cheerleaders? I'm confused, maybe your Dad's wife could pm me to clarify?

tribpot Mon 25-Feb-13 12:39:58

Well, it could be all part of one phenomenon, Grumpla. The masculinisation of women forcing house prices up is leading to a feminisation of men forcing them into cheerleading.

FrauMoose Wed 27-Feb-13 16:28:54

I can't imagine being 'friends' with my one surviving parent on FB. My brother has talked about us becoming FB friends, but I don't think I would respond to a friend request from him - although our relationship is quite friendly in some ways.

Even though this hardly solves the underlying stuff, I don't think family members need communicate/keep up with each other via social media - especially if it brings up feelings which are upsetting. So maybe a bit of 'unfriending' - and use email/texting/phonecalls instead?

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