Hair Length

(42 Posts)
StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 16:35:22

I have short hair and have done for years.
When i met dh, i had just shaved it. Number 6 so about a cm long.
Since then ive had a variety of lengths, i did have a short bob for my wedding and then cut it short a week later.

Reason for posting - recently on a work lunch with about 20 people from another company, hair length be came a topic of conversation.

One of the guys said he hated short hair. Another said, yeh but what if you were going out with penelope cruz and she got a hair cut!

Well, the answer was 'dumped'.

Now, im very comfortable with my hair choice and also comfortable knowing most women i know have hair longer than the shoulders.

What does bother me is the fact this man decided a lovely women wouldnt be worth anything of she cut her hair short.

This is peppered with my own feelings i know ... I have horrible hair when long and cant see a good reason to grow it.

I cant reconcile between my belief that women should be able to have there hair how they like, and the fact this man thought short hair was repellant.

I wonder why?
Does anyone know what im saying, im a bit confused myself so might not be concise, or i might be missing something fundamental maybe a lovely long haired lady can tell me.

CheerfulYank Sun 17-Feb-13 16:37:26

He's a twat, that's why. smile

I have quite long hair myself, but don't care how other women wear theirs.

greenhill Sun 17-Feb-13 16:42:36

I agree with cheerful my hair is very long, but I was admiring a woman with very short hair in the supermarket yesterday. Mine suits me, hers definitely suited her.

FloraFox Sun 17-Feb-13 16:47:59

I like short hair on women but isn't it just a preference, like blonde or brunette? I never fancied men with curly hair until I met my DH, who had very short hair when we met and I was a bit shock when it grew in a bit and it was curly.

If this guy said he wouldn't hire or promote a woman with short hair, that would be unacceptable.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Sun 17-Feb-13 16:50:48

I used to have very long hair. I have had various mid length styles and bobs and always looked a bit meh. I have a number 2 now and I definitely look better and get loads of compliments.

I don't think he has decided that she has suddenly become worthless if she cuts her hair short, more that he has no interest in her worth to start with.

Saying that though, a lot of people do have a 'type' an wouldn't be attracted to anyone who varied very far from that type.

BookWormery Sun 17-Feb-13 16:52:47

That guy was a twat. End.

I have mid length hair. If I could carry off super short, I would, but I don't think I have the face/head for it!

I'm v jealous of your short hair envy

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 16:55:40

Ah, i guess you may have had to see his horrified face at the idea of short hair. Im pleased in a way he could say it in my presence, if he has views at least they are open and honest.
Of course he is an example i don't want to go overboard on him, but he did say he would dump a girlfriend if she cut her hair short. The Penelope cruz bit was his colleague saying yeh but what if she was your favourite film star!

I guess i also wonder if its a very ingrained symbol of femininity.

BertieBotts Sun 17-Feb-13 16:56:03

"I don't think he has decided that she has suddenly become worthless if she cuts her hair short, more that he has no interest in her worth to start with. "

This. It's not about the hair. It's about the fact he sees women as objects, and hence, how they look matters, because there's nothing inside to matter.

He was a shit. I also prefer short hair smile

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 16:56:36

And further to this, what if said girl friend had cancer, and lost all her hair.
Why would that be different in his eyes.


sausagesandwich34 Sun 17-Feb-13 16:57:22

so the guy doesn't fancy women with short hair

the same way I don't fancy bald men?

it's one person's opinin and means nothing -obviously your DH thinks otherwise

don't see yor problem?

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 16:57:58

"I don't think he has decided that she has suddenly become worthless if she cuts her hair short, more that he has no interest in her worth to start with."

Ah, this makes sense.

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 16:59:45

Im not sure what my problem was either, i am exploring that here smile

Booyhoo Sun 17-Feb-13 17:07:34

tbh i'm not keen on men with shaved heads or mean with really long hair. that being said, if i was going out with someone long term and the shaved their heads or decided to grow it long it wouldn't be a dumping offence. you'd probably find that if that same guy was actually going out with penelope cruz and after a while she cut her hair he wouldn't dump her either. but yes if someone with lets say, a mullet was trying to gain my affections, they'd stand a better chance after a decent haorcut wink

amothersplaceisinthewrong Sun 17-Feb-13 17:13:14

Hair is incredibly personal and everyone should of course have what they want; But equally we must be free to like or dislike.

Anyone who dumps someone because of their hairstyle is rather shallow and stupid to say the least.

I have had all sorts of hair (other than permed) over the years, DH never really commented as he knew it could mean trouble. He recently did admit he prefers me with longer hair (coincidentally I have hair just past the shoulders at the moment!)

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 17:17:09

If he wouldn't start going out with someone with short hair because he doesn't find that attractive, fair enough.

If he really would dump someone for getting a haircut he wouldn't like, he's very shallow.

Most likely he wouldn't, and he's confused the first with the second, and is just not very good at thinking.

I am not a fan of men with beards, and it is unlikely that a man with a beard would get my attention in that way because I would not think of him as fanciable. But if DP grew a beard I might still fancy him because I know of his other qualities and I already think of him that way.

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 17:21:49

Okay, i think i may have overthought this issue.
I can live with that grin

I certainly wouldnt want him to be without the right of expressing his views and it made for a few laughs after and a few fearful looks as he was sitting opposite me.

Maybe i will join you ... Im not a fan of huge muscles grin but i Love beards.
See, i can do it it. Whoops.

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 17:25:29

I think the correct answer is If YOU were going out with Penelope Cruz? That's really not a situation that you need to devote much thought to mate.

Cortana Sun 17-Feb-13 17:30:25

On reading my mind went over to the David Beckham advert. The MNers who said they would be happy to have his company, as long as he didn't speak. grin And I thought perhaps it was thinking along the same vein as "If I had my perfect partner they would have....but they wouldn't....."

In reality I doubt many would turn down a date with Mr Beckham whether he sat and loudly read the script to Twilight to them, but that was the "game" they were playing.

TeiTetua Sun 17-Feb-13 17:34:46

Time for Zippy1111 to step up and point out that here women are discussing a topic that's about choices for women, but which for most men in our society, comes with very little freedom at all.

weegiemum Sun 17-Feb-13 17:40:45

I'd love to be able to carry off really short hair! I had really straggly long hair (not attractive!) for years, but got it cut a year ago to a chin length bob. My head is so round though I'd look like a football or Charlie Brown if I had it very short!

My issue is I'm trying not to dye as I think grey hair is cool - sadly, mines growing in right now. So doesn't look good!

nooka Sun 17-Feb-13 17:43:58

I would suspect that the number of women with extremely short hair/shaved heads is probably fairly similar to the number of men with very long hair. Both are convention busters which would probably not be tolerated in conservative workplaces/circles.

I'd agree that the guy in question was a bit of an idiot, but it sounds like banter to me so I'd not really be bothered. I feel the same way about beards though (I like them) if I was playing 'fantasy men' there are a few who with beards would hit the list and without would be on the cutting room floor.

That doesn't mean I'd dump dh if he shaved, I'd just fancy him that little bit less for a few days.

CheerfulYank Sun 17-Feb-13 17:45:12

I think gray hair is cool too! I have very light creepy blue eyes and I'm excited to have silver hair someday. It'll look witchy and cool.

On further thinking, I may be strange. hmm

nooka Sun 17-Feb-13 17:49:09

Grey hair looks fantastic on some people (as does white). On others not so good. I currently have blond and red streaks in my dark brown hair. My mother said I looked like a demented zebra. Thanks Mum!

I think you just need to feel confident that you like the way you look.

Trills Sun 17-Feb-13 17:51:59

Creepy light blue eyes and silver hair sounds fab.

nenevomito Sun 17-Feb-13 17:54:58

I have very short hair. If I met someone who said they would dump a woman because of it, I would think myself lucky that he would never be interested in me and keep it short to ward off other knobbers with the same attitude.

weegiemum Sun 17-Feb-13 18:02:03

My mum went blonde when she went grey and tbh it looks awful! So I think id rather be grey. I'm sure I can carry it off. Blonde washed her skin tone out but I think the salt-and-pepper look will be good.
I'm only 42 but already 1/4 grey. It's ok as I don't dye, so it's all natural, no roots.

runningforthebusinheels Sun 17-Feb-13 18:04:07

Really rude to discuss not liking short hair in the presence of a woman with short hair imho.

I wouldn't sit in a any group where there was, say for example, a man with a beard, and say I can't stand beards, if I was dating Brad Pitt and he grew a beard - he'd be out. Because that would make me a twat.

But yy about him seeing women as objects and therefore all their worth is tied up in their looks.

AbigailAdams Sun 17-Feb-13 18:16:57

I don't think you are overthinking this OP. This is all to do with objectification of women and the importance the patriarchy puts on appearance. Pretty important stuff.

Who and what we fancy is always going to be influenced by trends, social norms, patriarchal norms.

But to say you would dump someone for having short hair is a pretty narrow field of vision and I would be wondering what other constraints he would like his girlfriends to conform to.

StickEmUp Sun 17-Feb-13 18:22:52

I guess the way he said it was more like any lucky gf of his (im sure he thinks) should be what he wanted.
As for discussing it in front of me, i am more that comfortable with my short hair so it wasnt an issue.
I just remember thinking ... So what next. She wears skirts, then fancies putting on some combats for a change. If he met her that way, could she not wear the combats becasue he didnt like them.

Because i am in the minority of being a female with short hair, i think it puts me in the place of, well, more women have long hair so its a weird place to argue from.
Like. Could be percieved as arguing with women who have long hair over an issue i had with a man.

sashh Mon 18-Feb-13 05:03:12

This is peppered with my own feelings i know ... I have horrible hair when long and cant see a good reason to grow it.

I grow mine and then have it cut to send the hair to the little princess trust.

Before and after pics on profile.

WoTmania Mon 18-Feb-13 14:06:15

Well, he sounds like a nice person....hmm not at all controlling over women's appearances.
People's reactions to appearances is interesting. Like you OP I tend(ed, I have dreads now) to go long, short, long, skin-head, long, cropped etc and people reacted in all sorts of different ways. DH prefers long hair but was never bothered bothered the times I came home with a skin-head having left with bra-strap length hair. Likewise, I love his very long hair but he were to cut it..well, there's more to our relationships than his looks. Where as one exBF used to say that if I cut my hair he would dumo me (oddly he didn't last long grin).
My dad has a real problem with both my dreads and my facial piercings - I think he feels it reflects on him somehow that his DD looks so unconventional.

Really I suspect, as other posters have said, that it comes down to viewing women as objects/commodities. This kind of man wants a GF to look a certain way so that he in turn looks (and maybe feels) like a certain type of man if that makes sense.

ForkInTheForeheid Tue 19-Feb-13 18:50:35

I think there is a view (in some) that long hair=femininity and beauty. Hence the stereotype of the the short-haired butch lesbian (apologies for the phrase). I've got pretty long hair and have done most of my life, but have had it ear length a couple of times. I actually day-dream about shaving my head a la britney spears but am too afraid of the reaction I would get! I like my hair long but I love the idea of literally having to do nothing to look after my hair.

kickassangel Wed 20-Feb-13 00:40:41

Tbh it could vary from light banter about his preference to someone who really believes that women have to look a certain way and if they don't then they don't really count as human.

But certainly he seems rather set in his views. What if he has a daughter who prefers short hair? Would she be dumped?

I had a no2 crop when DS was a baby; it was so practical in the weaning stages grin as I could just wipe the mashed bananas off with a damp flannel. I now have long hair, because it's less bother - I just tie it back in a ponytail and occasionally whack the ends off with the kitchen scissors when they get really ratty looking.

I think this bloke is probably a dick; if it had just been a general jokey conversation about preferences you wouldn't have felt so irritated by it. People do have their preferences and fetishes, and it's fine to find certain features in a person sexually unappealing, buyt it's a bit rude and juvenile to go on and on about it.

TheSmallClanger Thu 21-Feb-13 13:28:51

There's a certain kind of man who insists on bringing this up loudly when there are women about with short hair. It can feel like they're almost daring you to argue back at them. It's not nice to have to accept being publicly told you are unattractive as "banter".

I've had short hair most of my life. This has happened frequently.

WhentheRed Thu 21-Feb-13 18:19:43

I have short hair, and pretty much always have. The longest has been chin length. I have noticed a difference in the way I am treated by men. I am more invisible with short hair, and got more male attention (not saying that was a good thing) when my hair was longer. Lots of men over the years have told me that they view short hair on women as unattractive. I have been urged on more than one occasion to grow my hair out.

I find it funny when I look back at old school photos. When I was in secondary school, all the girls had short hair. Now, you would be hard pressed to find a short haired schoolgirl. The proliferation of long hair on girls seems regressive to me.

I would love to go grey. I am about 70% grey as it is, verging on white. However, many people I respect have told me it would be harmful careerwise. White hair on men denotes gravitas and seniority. White hair on a woman means old and letting herself go.

mathanxiety Fri 22-Feb-13 00:12:11

I always laugh when men start dismissing women on the basis of their hair.

Considering how bald many of them end up they have some neck.

WhentheRed Fri 22-Feb-13 00:17:25

mathanxiety, maybe it's hair envy, autohairophelia.

june2013 Fri 22-Feb-13 13:31:55

I totally understand this - I cut my hair very short (from very long) after a long term unhealthy relationship ended. I started dating another guy about 6 months after that and was still furiously cutting my hair shorter at any given opportunity. This new guy kept badgering me about growing it out.

I don't have any issues with how people choose to wear there hair (I've had it every length) - but generally in our society long hair is associated with greater femininity and therefore stereotypically more desirable to men (yes in practice it's not always actually the case, but it's images that matter). I think that is starting to change, cf Hermione what's her name and Anne Les Mis Lady, looking stunning. But what a scandal when that teen superstar cut her hair very short and died it platinum blonde (crp what's her name? Pixie something? AAAh no Miley Cyrus!) and look at the constant sniping at South African actress... cripes what's her name?? Charlize Theron....

Tanyaaah Fri 22-Feb-13 13:58:15

I have been thinking about this recently as I've just had my hair cut short. I love it and I think it is because it allows me to not care about looking pretty and girlish any more. It is liberating.

kickassangel Fri 22-Feb-13 14:09:12

As someone said earlier, it is a fairly recent thing, and I think that a lot of those 'real Housewives' type programs are part of the reason. Not that long ago, people made comments about once you were thirty you couldn't 'get away with' long hair, and certainly in the 80s it was all short hair like Princess Di. Now longer hair is fashionable, and how very dare a woman not be trying to look twenty and trendy to get her man?

specialsubject Fri 22-Feb-13 20:04:43

you are over reacting to a fantasy conversation. The man does not find short hair attractive. It's allowed. He's never going to meet Penelope Cruz. He might even have had his tongue slightly in his cheek.

so he doesn't find you attractive. Most of the world won't. Some will. As long as your partner does, so what?

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