The post 50 Shades of Grey world ....

(57 Posts)
AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 21:12:30

Valentine's day coming up.

We have tv ads for Ann Summers at 9pm.

We have LoveHoney ads pushing the "blindfold, whips and delicious pain" approach to "loving relationships"

Great.

WidowWadman Thu 07-Feb-13 21:23:54

So?

9 pm is the watershed. So can't really see the problem. Mind, haven't seen the add as I hardly ever watch anything on a channel with advertising.

As for LoveHoney, they're a specialist sex toy retailer, and have had whips and blindfolds in their product portfolio long before the shite book was published.

Some people enjoy whips and blindfold and have long before the shite book was published. As long as it's consenting adults, there's nothing wrong with people doing it.

PretzelTime Thu 07-Feb-13 21:28:43

blindfold, whips and delicious pain
I haven't seen the ads. I assume it's not about men being on the receiving end of that, it almost never is.

Hmmm
I wonder if this is partly popular to market to women because women aren't allowed delicious pleasure. Even chocolate is sinful (as described in ads etc)

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 21:32:34

This is the first year I have seen ads for sex aids and bondage stuff linked to the "romance" of Valentine's day.

Significant? I think so.

PretzelTime Thu 07-Feb-13 21:32:42

By the way, Valentine's day generally mean a lot of lingerie ads. VA is about love, isn't it? Why are female lingerie = love?

PretzelTime Thu 07-Feb-13 21:33:58

And now, as OP notes, S&M/bondage/pain = love

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 21:36:53

It's the only logical conclusion to find, isn't it ?

I like the story of valentine's day..still not sure what any of it has to do with women dressing up as sex toys or being whipped though hmm

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 23:36:39

Indeed

SirBoobAlot Thu 07-Feb-13 23:39:39

Loads more tacky shit in cards shops as well. The gushy cards make me vom but whatever. The "spank my arse in a heart shape" style that's going on this year makes me want to throw things.

Fucking 50 shades of shit...

AnyFucker Thu 07-Feb-13 23:40:36

Indeed

MechanicalTheatre Thu 07-Feb-13 23:59:47

Hmm. Well, 50 Shades of Grey has shite all to do with BDSM. It's just an abusive relationship and it would never have been successful if the roles had been reversed. And that worries me, it really worries me that people are going into this kind of thing with their eyes totally closed just because it's fashionable or whatever.

And I am disappointed that Love Honey are selling 50 Shades stuff, because there are already 5 billion sex toys out there and really no reason for having a stupid branded butt plug or whatever.

On the other hand, Love Honey already sold all that kind of stuff anyway. And so did Ann Summers. So...I don't really know. I'm so sick of women being made into sex objects. Sooooo sick of it. I'm sick of making complaints to companies who use pictures of half naked women to sell stuff and I'm sick of men saying crap like "but men just aren't aesthetically pleasing like women are" (because yes a man actually said that to me the other week and it gave me the rage).

Sex is great. Sex is fun. Sex does not mean you have to wear a frilly neglige while your man sits there in a manky old t-shirt.

Darkesteyes Fri 08-Feb-13 00:15:45

Agreed. You would not believe the amount of magazine articles ive seen in the last six months that hold up Fifty Shades as some sort of sex bible.
Easy Living magazine has a "Passion" section and they keep referring to 50 Shades as if its the go to sex manual for everyone.
It is about an abusive relationship and the last time i checked stalking someone and not taking no for an answer is harassment.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 07:26:03

Indeed. This is my point. How did the fucked-up bloke and abusive relationship in 50SOG become the ultimate in "romance" and something to aspire to ?

SirBoobAlot Fri 08-Feb-13 08:40:59

I have no idea. Quite happily admit I read erotica books, and a lot of them are wonderfully well written, sexy, humorous and well structured. Some of them display accurate BDSM. So why on earth this shit managed to become so popular is beyond me.

NeedlesCuties Fri 08-Feb-13 09:50:03

I agree.

Also for it to be sold to younger people as being the height of 'cool' sex just makes me feel ill.

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 10:39:55

I continue to be astonished by the massive amount of effort that has gone into marketing those books to women. And out of all misogynist books, why choose the most badly written one they could find?

To appeal to a young audience, readers of Twilight fanfics?

FrothyDragon Fri 08-Feb-13 11:18:24

Seen in a baby shop window this morning. A changing mat which read "9 months ago, my mummy read 50 shades of grey"

I nearly boaked.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 12:56:32

Ffs

Numberlock Fri 08-Feb-13 15:37:47

I had to google that, frothy. Came across a babygro that says My mummy pretends Christian Grey is my daddy.

Give me strength.

Darkesteyes Fri 08-Feb-13 15:52:50

Ive just started following @50shadesisabuse on Twitter. They tweeted about a babygro that had "im a 50 shades baby" on it. FFS
Sir boob i read a lot of the Black Lace books in the 90s. A lot of them were very well written. They revived the print last year because of the success of 50 Shades.
BL were seen as feminist erotica. But i think that image became rather tarnished last year when they ran a writing competition. Through where?? You mag and the Daily Mail??? One of the most mysogynistic papers in the country.
Black Lace were better when they wernt mainstream or trying to be IMO.

SirBoobAlot Fri 08-Feb-13 16:29:04

The 50 shades baby stuff just makes me want to vomit.

So many people have told me I'm dull / prudish for not liking them. I have no objection to sex, or to BDSM, but I do have a problem with glorified abuse being seem as a relationship to aim for.

MechanicalTheatre Fri 08-Feb-13 17:06:57

Yes SirBoob I have also been called a prude by my flatmate because I refused her offer to read 50 Shades.

I go to BDSM clubs FFS.

The baby stuff is just...it actually horrifies me. What the fuck is wrong with people? Are their kids just little fashion accessories to show off how edgy and wicked cool they are?

SirBoobAlot Fri 08-Feb-13 17:10:24

LOL same here MT grin A group of us went to a fetish party recently for a giggle, and there was loads of stuff taking the piss out of 50SOG.

The baby stuff makes me itch. Yes. Well done. You had sex and it made a baby. Congratulations. I don't want to know if there were handcuffs involved, thanks. Though if the 'daddy' likes to pull out tampons, there are bigger issues afoot.

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 18:16:08

I don't understand the "prude" thing. Maybe you should show her a underage m-preg Harry Potter tentacle rape romance (or whatever crappy things you can find) fanfic written by a dyslectic 11-year old, and when she fails to appreciate the litterary genius you call her a prude.
...wait, a 50shades fan would love such a thing wouldn't they. Because it's naughty!!11111

The most naughty and taboo thing of all seems still to be female pleasure (that doesn't involve being dominated or spanked or banged) There isn't even any proper words for female wanking as discussed on another thread.

Also for it to be sold to younger people as being the height of 'cool' sex just makes me feel ill

NeedlesCuties in fairness, and I do think this is a good thing.. I don't think it is being sold to young people as the height of cool sex (or at least it isn't seen that way by young people)... I think 50 shades is seen as middle aged mummy porn to most people. Sort of a last ditch attempt to save your sex life before you start doing pole "fitness". Or at least that has been my experience of the readers. <wink wink nudge aren't we naughty> boaktastick

It all comes off really desperate and trying too hard. Erotica has been around since people could make words. Only people with no imagination wait to be told when they are allowed to read it.

Horrified by the losers dressing their babies in 50shades babygrows hmm

WidowWadman Fri 08-Feb-13 18:39:26

It's the relationship in 50 shades (and Twilight which it is based on for that matter), which is fucked up, not neccessarily the sex they're having. Nothing wrong with a bit of sexual experimenting, as long as everyone involved feels comfortable with it.

Plenty of people do enjoy all kinds of kinks, including powerplay and wearing frilly negliges without being in fucked up abusive relationships. They shouldn't be derided or patronised for it. We've come a long way since the times were sex was something dirty not to be talked about and fantasies something to be ashamed of,do you want to go back there?

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 18:47:22

I'm of the opposite opinion WW, I think female pleasure and that talking about female experiences that doesn't match the patriarchal ideas/ideals are still seen as taboo or as something annoying/uppity/feminist.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 18:48:32

Who said anybody wanted to go back to a time where women's sexuality is not to be talked about ?

50SOG is not about women's sexuality.

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 18:55:41

I used to like BDSM until i read that book! Seriously it completely turned me around - the thought of a jumped up little fucker like Mr Grey lording it over me makes my teeth itch!! I would be quite happy if my DP bought me a new sex toy or sexy underwear for v day i would not be wanting any connection to Mr Fecking Dysfunctional. No thankyou very much.

PretzelTime I always thought that frigging was the word for female masturbation, or that wanking was unisex smile

WidowWadman Fri 08-Feb-13 18:56:09

AnyFucker, plenty of middleaged women seem to enjoy crafty wanks to it, doesn't seem to have a huge male readership either.

I really don't want to defend the book too much as I share your opinion that it's shite. I find the babygrows pretty yeuch too. But handwringing over lingerie and sex toy adverts?

Claiming that toys, lingerie, and erotica are not about female sexuality is pretty dismissive and purports a very narrow view about what female sexuality can entail.

MechanicalTheatre Fri 08-Feb-13 18:59:22

Widow, I don't think anyone here has an issue with the sex in 50SOG. It's the relationship. And the fact that it's shit.

Toys, lingerie and erotica can be about female sexuality, but it is a very narrow view of female sexuality - and male sexuality.

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 18:59:32

I thought frigging was a nicer word to say when you didn't want to use a certain swear word! MN, so educational.

MechanicalTheatre Fri 08-Feb-13 19:00:25

I say "jacking off" for masturbation for either sex. My friend says "jilling off" for women, but I find it a bit twee.

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 19:04:01

Yes jilling off is twee. And then there is "schlicking" which is just gross.

Ann Summers is for women. Women can go in feel comfortable going in there, it's on the high street. My problem with it is that it feels very geared toward women dressing up or for hen party crap. All the good stuff is hidden at the back and in the normal shops on the high street there is really very little round the back to be of much interest. I do feel like it is really more there for men .

And I don't know any women who dress up for themselves. Dildos and the lot yes that is for her.. But dressing up is not for her.

Can a word for masturbation be twee? hmm

Never heard of schlicking, why is it gross?

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:05:25

I am not "handwringing" WW. That is a dismissive thing to say.

I didn't say sex toys, lingerie and erotica are a problem. Where have I said that ? What I do find a problem is the creeping presence of it. Ann Summers ads at 9pm (yes, I know it's the "watershed" whatever the fuck that means...but I feel it should be later). Shite like 50SOG contributes to the normalisation of sex being part of everything we do. Watch Coronation Street...get confronted by ads for whips and sex toys. No thankyou.

You are not reading what I am writing, WW. Or you are adding your own spin, to paint me as "handwringing". Take your pick, readers.

WidowWadman Fri 08-Feb-13 19:12:01

"Shite like 50SOG contributes to the normalisation of sex being part of everything we do"

The normalisation of sex is a bad thing to you? Cripes. Sex is an important part of human lives. Yes, there are asexual people, and that's perfectly fine, sometimes people have a stronger, sometimes a weaker libido.
As long as noone forces their sexuality (or lack of) onto somebody else against their will, it's all fine and dandy.

Normalising sex as something enjoyable, not shameful, is a positive message - because it enables people to talk about it -the good things, and the bad things. In a society where sex is taboo, it's much harder to talk about it, which can't have a good effect.

MechanicalTheatre Fri 08-Feb-13 19:14:21

Widow, you're really twisting AF's words.

She said "the normalisation of sex being part of everything we do" not "the normalisation of sex". Very different things.

I don't see men being bought frilly, fluffy thongs for V day.

NeedlesCuties Fri 08-Feb-13 19:14:35

HairyHanded I take your point about 50SOG being aimed at a middle-aged audience. In my earlier post I meant more the prevalence for sex to = S & M, or kinkiness when shown in music vids etc that teens and young adults watch.

I think it's all part of the same disease. If you're a woman then you're a plaything, a pretty thing to be pushed around while looking 'fabulous'. I don't see any prob if 2 adults want to have sex in any way they want, it's just the idea that it's mainstream and what everyone should be at which annoys me.

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 19:21:51

It's a very specific sexual ideal the ads push too. The lingerie ads around Valentine's Day... they read to me like we should think love = straight sex =women's lingerie = nice stuff for men to look at. Women as object man as subject. That's the message of the majority of such ads.

Schlick is gross (to me) because it's an onomatopoeia like fap and it's basically immature internet lingo.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:24:22

WW who are you having a conversation with ?

it ain't me, that's for sure hmm

is it someone in your head ?

Oh sorry, yes, you are right needles. And if they can show whips and chains at 9'clock at night it will just be one more thing the average 16 year old girl is going to be expected to have in her repertoire.

Slightly off topic, I was just thinking how happy I am that the internet only was just starting to take off when I was a teenager. Dial up pretty much killed even the most driven teenage boys attempt at porn watching. Can you imagine what it must be like for young people today who see so much porn of all kinds and can get it anywhere and on any device.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:25:41

"sex is taboo" ?

Erm, no

Thanks Pretzel, I didn't understand that.. (guess it doesn't sounds like that to me blush).

Portofino Fri 08-Feb-13 19:32:10

Totally agree AF - it is normalising the kinky stuff, making women feel bad if they DON'T like it.

What do you think it will be like in 50 years if everything that is considered "kinky" now then becomes "vanilla" (hate that word). Will sex become some sort of extreme sport or will people long for the days of covered ankles and long john pajamas?

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 19:43:03

ads for whips and sex toys during CBeebies ?

it's natural though, innit ? To "handwring" about that is denying women's sexuality.

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 19:52:55

I think the whole "normalisation" of kinky stuff spoils it - for me, it loses its edge and naughtiness when i realise that everyone is at it!

Sex is fucking fantastic, i love it, but i don't want to be confronted with it in the supermarket (except when im up for a bit of kink and i buy an extra large corgette and a packet of condoms as a "sign" to DP that hes in for a good night).

frustratedworkingmum Fri 08-Feb-13 19:54:20

no its definately a word for female masturbtion - actually there are loads, "strumming" "flicking the bean" grin

Or a salad.

AnyFucker Fri 08-Feb-13 20:51:38

FWM, indeed smile

AbigailAdams Fri 08-Feb-13 20:56:03

As this is the feminist section can I just point out that most of female sexuality has been defined by the patriarchy. Much like this relationship in 50SOG. Man defines woman's sexuality (whether she likes it or not)

PretzelTime Fri 08-Feb-13 21:08:10

Notice how the concept of women (normal women, not male fantasy version) controlling, hitting and dominating beautiful submissive men is not being mainstreamed and normalised. Because the would be manhating, wouldn't it.

Darkesteyes Fri 08-Feb-13 21:08:58

As long as noone forces their sexuality (or lack of) onto somebody else against their will, it's all fine and dandy

It gives me hope to see that others also think like this WW. I think there is an undercurrent in society and the patriarchy that they want to control womens sexuality.
Whether that be forcing their sexuality on a woman or withdrawing sex and affection from a woman completely and expecting the woman to shut that part of herself down too. And put up and shut up. It is definately a power and control issue.

Darkesteyes Fri 08-Feb-13 21:12:17

Pretzel there were many Black Lace books that had that theme running through them back in the 90s before they were mainstream.
But since going mainstream last year there seems to have been a complete change.

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