OMFG! Topman glamourising domestic violence.

(174 Posts)
FlamingoBingo Wed 14-Sep-11 13:52:26
DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 13:53:43

sad That was always my ex's excuse...

scarlettsmummy2 Wed 14-Sep-11 13:54:20


JohnniesBitch Wed 14-Sep-11 13:56:15

eek, do you think they really have not considered the implications of what is printed on that t-shirt?

messymammy Wed 14-Sep-11 13:57:07

fucking hell, that is outrageous.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lubeybooby Wed 14-Sep-11 13:58:57

Oh urgh that is AWFUL.

ComradeJing Wed 14-Sep-11 13:59:25

Jesus that's horrible.

rubyrubyruby Wed 14-Sep-11 13:59:43

That t-shirt doesn't say 'domestic violence' to me.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 13:59:59

I'd hope so too, BTP.

ReadyToDrink Wed 14-Sep-11 14:00:02

I've just complained via the 'contact us' option right at the bottom.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Wed 14-Sep-11 14:00:05

Bloody hell. Who do we email to get that off the shelves? I am appalled

gapants Wed 14-Sep-11 14:00:36

That is really terrible. Shame on them.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 14:01:19

What does it say to you then, rubyrubyruby?

Because they're all excuses that a DV perpetrator would use to apologise to his victim.

LaDanseMacabre Wed 14-Sep-11 14:04:48

What bloke would even wear that??? Must be aimed at someone young and stupid naive. Must be part of their 'avoid this bloke' range along with the one someone linked to this morning that said something like "Nice new girlfriend, what breed is she?" Awful insidious blokey culture....

rubyrubyruby Wed 14-Sep-11 14:05:06

It just looks like the sort of thing a teen would wear excusing them from some sort of stupid behaviour.

LaDanseMacabre Wed 14-Sep-11 14:06:26
DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 14:06:59

"I'm so sorry you provoked me" goes hand in hand with assault, rubyrubyruby... As do the rest, but still. That one stuck out at me most

gapants Wed 14-Sep-11 14:08:12

I also just emailed.

WhoWhoWhoWho Wed 14-Sep-11 14:08:45


I can see it not occurring immediately to everyone that it relates to DV, but yes those are all classic excuses.

Plus I've just been trying to place it with other possibilities that a man would be saying "i'm so sorry" about and none of them really work.

What were they thinking?

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:11:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaDanseMacabre Wed 14-Sep-11 14:14:38

"Plus I've just been trying to place it with other possibilities that a man would be saying "i'm so sorry" about and none of them really work."

Yes it wouldn't be to a bloke he punched at a bar in a drunken rage would it?

LaDanseMacabre Wed 14-Sep-11 14:16:32

There was an article on 5live only today about the increase in teen DV (or boyfriend / girlfriend) cases ....

....also - bit of an irony there's a Rhianna T Shirt in the same range on the website....

ScarlettIsWalking Wed 14-Sep-11 14:17:08

that is really quite sick

gapants Wed 14-Sep-11 14:19:09

"product stock query" i think is the best one that I could see.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:23:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:25:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:27:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LeoTheLateBloomer Wed 14-Sep-11 14:28:09

I've just spent the morning on a Pattern Changing course for victims of DV. Everything on that t-shirt comes up every time we meet and it makes me shudder.

Some people have absolutely no idea. How it ended up on the shelves is beyond me sad

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 14:30:12

Anyone up for boycotting Arcadia Group for the time being? grin

SardineQueen Wed 14-Sep-11 14:31:07

Both of those t-shirts are out of stock hmm

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:32:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

rosieposey Wed 14-Sep-11 14:32:58

That t shirt is a disgrace but it doesn't say DV to me either - it looks more like excuses for cheating (and this is coming from someone who suffered DV for 7 years).

Its a horrible t shirt - in much the same vein as those crappy wkd blue ads - who the fuck thinks these up? sad

Curiousmama Wed 14-Sep-11 14:33:07

List the names of Arcadia shops I'll boycott them.

So awful words fail.

Illegitimate Wed 14-Sep-11 14:33:58

Their twitter and facebook reply:
We have received some negative feedback regarding two of our printed T-shirts. Whilst we would like to stress that these T-shirts were meant to be light-hearted and carried no serious meaning we have made the decision to remove these from store and online as soon as possible. We would like to apologise to those who may have been offended by these designs.
good to see them removed

Curiousmama Wed 14-Sep-11 14:34:34

Don't shop in any of those so am ok.

MissPricklePants Wed 14-Sep-11 14:34:53

that is disgusting!my ex was and still tries to be abusive and was full of those excuses. I will complain! FrothyDragon I already boycott arcadia group for tax issues!

Curiousmama Wed 14-Sep-11 14:35:00

Waht was the other one then?

NonnoMum Wed 14-Sep-11 14:36:32

Glad they've removed them.


bemybebe Wed 14-Sep-11 14:37:07

I actually think these are rather good.


fuckityfuckfuckfuck Wed 14-Sep-11 14:37:21

And now they're trending on Twitter. So either everyone will see what knobs they are, or they've just got themselves a load of free publicity...

StewieGriffinsMom Wed 14-Sep-11 14:38:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Curiousmama Wed 14-Sep-11 14:38:51

good poingt bemybebe only some young girls/women aren't that bright sadly.

Curiousmama Wed 14-Sep-11 14:39:32

point! keys are sticky because ds1 eats near poota.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Wed 14-Sep-11 14:44:00

Gah, feminist bashing on Topman's facebook page... fun fun fun...

KRICRI Wed 14-Sep-11 15:39:05

Both shirts are vile, but the one with the tick boxes definitely screamed out "common excuses for emotional and/or physical abuse" when I saw it.

I get this feeling that marketing whizzos see things like porn, rape and domestic violence as "cool and edgy." The reply above from Top Man includes the term "light hearted." It reminds me of those shite comedians in the 80's who thought they were being ever so witty and clever by just standing on stage and shouting "fuck" a few times.

I think the content of the tee shirt actually does reflect alot of young people's views on relationship abuse - that it's just something that "happens" - guys do it, girls put up with it because he's got a reason for it (including that it's your fault.)

I think many young women will be reluctant to call out guys who are wearing stuff like this because they'll get blasted for not having a sense of humour, for being old fashioned and prudish. There's alot of pressure to go along with the sexualisation stuff (and this tee shirt is part of its male counterpart - hypermasculinisation,) or be ostracised and bullied.

I worry that abuse and control in young people's relationships is actually becoming accepted as the "norm." Shirts like this don't cause it, but they help give tacit endorsement of the normality of it all. Sucks.

KRICRI Wed 14-Sep-11 15:48:45

Oh, emailed a complaint, for what it's worth. I stated that by marketing the item, it strongly suggests that Topman endorses violence against women, that they need to withdraw it from sale, make a public statement of regret and make a donation to a domestic abuse or rape support charity.

Don't expect a reply.

FlamingoBingo Wed 14-Sep-11 15:58:56

They've removed them now - phew!

theothersparticus Wed 14-Sep-11 16:53:41

I complained and got an automated response, looking forward to seeing if I get a human response or a selection of tick-box excuses.

KRICRI Wed 14-Sep-11 17:20:34

Oooh, I got an auto response as well. I did notice that when you search under men's tee shirts, it doesn't come up, so at least that's something.

But, still waiting for the apology and donation to a good cause! smile

CalatalieSisters Wed 14-Sep-11 17:27:51

ha ha yes theothersparticus: "I'm so sorry but ... they played well in our all-male marketing team; it's ironic innit; you have no sense of humour; we don't care really."

Have emailed asking for their thoughts behind this product, although I can't see them explaining their creative process to me. But I want them to know that there are quite few of us who find it unacceptable.

Horrible horrible horrible.


KRICRI Wed 14-Sep-11 22:29:10

Looks like the complaints caused quite a kerfuffle!

'Sexist' Topman T-shirts taken off shelves

Some nasty comments after the Yahoo snip of the Telegraph Article though Topman falls prey to Twitter fury

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 00:17:26
Curiousmama Thu 15-Sep-11 08:29:09

thanks for link Dont

RogerMelly Thu 15-Sep-11 09:55:12

I am glad they have withdrawn them from sale, not all we need is someone to campaign for a certain someone to pay tax like everyone else wink

WhipMeIndiana Thu 15-Sep-11 10:08:22

is it philip greene the tax dodger you're all referring to?

have tweeted about the crap tshirts

bibiane Thu 15-Sep-11 10:14:36

Absolutely disgusting! Can't believe anyone could think this was funny.

differentnameforthis Thu 15-Sep-11 10:15:14

From their facebook page

We have received some negative feedback regarding two of our printed T-shirts. Whilst we would like to stress that these T-shirts were meant to be light-hearted and carried no serious meaning we have made the decision to remove these from store and online as soon as possible. We would like to apologise to those who may have been offended by these designs

jugglingwiththreeshoes Thu 15-Sep-11 10:16:06

Could a nice guy ever wear it in an ironic, awareness raising sort of way ?
Like, these are your excuses, but none of them will wash !
I can't help but see it with those feminist eyes.
The idea that anyone would wear it and mean it as it stands is hmmshock

daniellewilson1987 Thu 15-Sep-11 10:16:58

i find it absolutely disguisting my ex was violent but for topshop to think its ok to write these excuses the pathetic men use on their t-shirts actually has made me want to cry

jugglingwiththreeshoes Thu 15-Sep-11 10:19:43

I'm sorry it upset you daniellewilson1987. Are you ok ?

MrsClown Thu 15-Sep-11 10:22:42

As a victim of dv I am going to email them. Will let you know if I get a reply.

daniellewilson1987 Thu 15-Sep-11 10:28:13

im good but honestly how thicj do you have to be to create these t-shirts or even how thick do you have to be to but these t-shirts

Tota1Xaos Thu 15-Sep-11 10:30:54

Gives me the fucking creeps. Especially the mention of provocation, given it's legalistic connotations as used in a defence for assault and homicidie.

FairyArmadillo Thu 15-Sep-11 10:31:07

Shame on you Topman.

anklebitersmum Thu 15-Sep-11 10:36:05

This was probably thought up by the same Pondlife ridden focus groups who thought that sexual innuendo would be funny on little girls clothing.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 10:41:15

This is true, ankebitersmum.

daniellewilson, sorry to hear it upset you. sad Had the ame effect on a lot of DV survivors. Even with the links that DV survivors were pointing out on facebook yesterday, seems a lot of people don't get it. And that scares me. sad

curlywurlycremeegg Thu 15-Sep-11 10:41:43

I think it tells us an awful lot about society (that well already really know), the buyers for the chains either have not experienced DV or the institutional pressure to buy garments that will sell to the socially unaware generation is so great they can not stand up to it.

Quodlibet Thu 15-Sep-11 10:42:13

"we would like to stress that these T-shirts were meant to be light-hearted and carried no serious meaning"

Blimey what kind of an apology is that? They might as well have said 'calm down love, can't you take a joke?'

It's like they're living in another fucking dimension.

DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 10:44:21

Was a little "calm down, dear", wasn't it?

LaBag Thu 15-Sep-11 10:48:21

I really cannot understand how a company can get things SO wrong. Anyone with half an ounce of sense would realise the rumpus this would cause. Do you think they do it on purpose?

ClevelandAnnie Thu 15-Sep-11 10:48:41

It's not a real apology.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Sep-11 10:55:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooImmature2BDumbledore Thu 15-Sep-11 10:57:59

The comments under the Yahoo article were almost all to do with freedom of expression and saying basically 'calm down, dear' - what is wrong with people? Reading that, it looks like either DV or cheating, neither of which a man should be proud to advertise!

storminateacup10 Thu 15-Sep-11 11:23:24

TopMan's response = unbelievable
No way an apology in any shape or form.
Outrageous, insulting and degrading to women AND to men who love women and would never dream of treating them like this.
Donation to Women's Aid? It's a start- but the wanker who came up with these designs needs to be hauled up and made to pay for this in some way.
There are laws forbidding incitement of hatred/terror/abuse etc in this country and I don't see why that could not be applied here too.
A glib response from Topman just serves to stoke this particular fire even more.

Quodlibet Thu 15-Sep-11 11:26:47

Can you post links to the StopMan page Stewie? I can't find it.
Making a donation to Women's Aid is an excellent idea.

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Sep-11 11:28:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bemybebe Thu 15-Sep-11 11:29:31

TopMan is really trying to outdo FCUK in terms if notoriety. They are succeeding. sad angry

Stase Thu 15-Sep-11 11:46:38

Interesting how many posters on the Facebook page perceive that if there was a similarly degrading t-shirt for women to buy, that no one would raise an eyebrow. I'm sure there are equivalent products (although I can't think of any examples right now... hmm), but I wonder who they think should be kicking up a a stink when they see them?

It would be good to hear what the issues are that men/boys feel hard-done-by over. Any insights?

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Sep-11 11:48:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

My MIL and SIL both victims of DV. SIL when she was only 16 sad. I don't find that T-Shirt at all funny and I don't think they would, either.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 12:49:54

I've just looked on FB, amazingly, it only seems to be MEN who are screaming at us to 'grow the fuck up' and ask 'who are we to decide who gets to print what on a t-shirt'

Isn't he just peachy? Just the sort of young man to take home to meet your parents eh? hmm

knob jockey

racingheart Thu 15-Sep-11 12:50:04

Every design they come up with must go to several panels for approval. How can anyone sit in a meeting and approve this stuff?

messybessie Thu 15-Sep-11 13:03:45

Maybe it's Topman's attempt at teenage contraception.

Who's going to want to have anything to do with a man who wears one of these?

messybessie Thu 15-Sep-11 13:04:55

Maybe Topshop should release one.

I'm sorry but
- I'm tired
- I'm busy
- You're a twat

Maisiethemorningsidecat Thu 15-Sep-11 13:07:32

A male student nurse came into work wearing a t-shirt with "trainee gynaecologist" on it - wrong on so many levels. Do men under the age of 25 really not engage their brains on a regular basis?

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 13:25:56

Yes, Masie they do. Unfortunately they engage them to their cocks.

A bit off the subject but I remember that years ago (a few weeks after I'd lost my best friend to suicide) I saw a man in my local town wearing a t-shirt that said, "Go hang yourself."

10 years now and it still upsets me. I'd imagine that people who have suffered DV would feel awful seeing that Toptwat t-shirt.

WakeMeUpWhenSeptemberEnds Thu 15-Sep-11 13:39:52

I was hoping they'd still be on the rails in the shop. I'd like to go around the shop and throw all their stuff on the floor. Y'know, in a lighthearted way. And then explain it as 'I was provoked'

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 13:50:08

Exactly. There is always someone who will be affected by slogans like that.

I saw a t-shirt in a 'boutique' last week that read "I'm sorry I was blind drunk and thought you were your fit mate" and underneath it had something like 'should have gone to SpecSavers' or another twist on the SpecSavers adverts.

How charming is that? And you can bet that some 20-30yr old will find that hilarious. Not giving a second thought to anyone with low self esteem that may have been with a guy like that.

And then we have the flip side don't we? We have t-shirts for women/girls that 'dis' men/boys but maybe not in the same way, not in the same ball park actually as these from TopTwat.

Is the uproar the same? I'm not being arsey, not at all, I hate these t-shirts. I just wonder if when it's the other way around, do men kick off or do they find it funny?

So if a woman wore a t-shirt saying 'my other man is a body builder', would men find that offensive or funny. Or if they wore a t-shirt like the ones that someone linked to here (the alternative ones up thread) would they campaign to have them removed?

I'm not sure they would you know. Because they just don't get it most of the time. It doesn't register like it does with victims of these situations being used as 'light hearted' entertainment! hmm

For the record, I don't like these kind of t-shirts for either sex.

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 13:51:06

Exactly. There is always someone who will be affected by slogans like that.

Was to TryLiking blush

Don't worry, Mouse, I guessed you siad that in relation to my post. grin

LittleDeerandMe Thu 15-Sep-11 14:16:22

Just saw this thread. I clicked on the link and nothing comes up on the topman page. Does that mean they've really withdrawn these t-shirts? If so that's brilliant, that just a few people on fb and twitter speaking out against them could make them drop them!

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 14:17:33

Yes, LittleDeer, I got the same, they have god rid. There are a few links with the offending items on if you really wanted to see them. smile

Thanks Try smile

LittleDeerandMe Thu 15-Sep-11 14:21:26

I'd rather not! I think I'll accept that they are horribly offensive from what I've read here,and I think a few people mentioned what the t-shirt said! Seriously what are people even thinking when they develop these things? I mean, does a guy in a meeting say 'I've a suggestion for a t-shirt.......' and then suggest something like this without even thinking.

jugglingwiththreeshoes Thu 15-Sep-11 14:29:11

Good one wakemeup grin

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 14:54:30

I have no idea how things like this get approval. The mind boggles. I guess that those making the decisions on this have fortunately never been abused, hit, raped, etc.............. sad

heroinahalfshell Thu 15-Sep-11 15:35:06

The other t-shirt read "I like your new girlfriend, what breed is she?"


cumbria81 Thu 15-Sep-11 15:46:46

I can't see anything on the link, it's blank - maybe they pulled it?

what did it say?

BerylStreep Thu 15-Sep-11 16:02:51

Awful T shirts.

Although I loathe all slogan t-shirts. It's a sign of mindlessness and inability to express oneself other than wearing the product of some marketing bloke's efforts.

BerylStreep Thu 15-Sep-11 16:03:08

Awful T shirts.

Although I loathe all slogan t-shirts. It's a sign of mindlessness and inability to express oneself other than wearing the product of some marketing bloke's efforts.

BerylStreep Thu 15-Sep-11 16:03:35

some things are worth posting twice.


Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 16:16:26

grin Beryl

HeifferunderConstruction Thu 15-Sep-11 16:59:20

I cant see them

HummusNKetchup Thu 15-Sep-11 17:08:14

what were the slogans? we can't see them now.

It was only the other day I had my best friend tell me with a completely straight face that she excused her ex for one of the times he hit her, because she had provoked him. I felt sad, angry, and completely powerless.

And now thisangry Sometimes I want to go and live in a bear cave and forget the rest of the world exists.

LeoTheLateBloomer Thu 15-Sep-11 17:27:06

I've just received this email:

Dear Leo,

Thank you for your email received 14 September 2011, regarding the ‘I’m So Sorry’ T-shirt.

I was extremely concerned to note your comments on the design that is on this T-shirt, and would like to offer my sincere apologies on behalf of Topman for the obvious upset this particular garment has caused you.

Topman stock T-shirts with various designs on them, and by featuring this particular design we certainly did not mean to cause offence to our customers or any members of the public. Please accept my assurances that this image was in no way meant to make light of any sort of violence and was instead meant to be light hearted without carrying any serious meaning.

I have passed a copy of your email to our Buying Director, so that he is aware of how strongly you feel about this issue. We are proud of our reputation as a retailer, and do not want to risk damaging this by causing any unnecessary upset to anyone. He has confirmed that the decision has been made to remove this T-shirt from online and in store.

I am grateful you have taken the time to bring your concerns to our attention, and once again apologise for the upset this T-shirt caused you.


Topman Customer Service

StewieGriffinsMom Thu 15-Sep-11 17:43:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fuckityfuckfuckfuck Thu 15-Sep-11 18:09:31

I just received the exact same email response hmm

candytuft63 Thu 15-Sep-11 18:25:41

I am assuming that this Steph is a woman ? ie Stephanie ? ye Gods...

Mouseface Thu 15-Sep-11 18:30:42

Of course, you'll all get the same e-mail, just as we did over the EastEnders plots.


Topman that is, not you guys blush

candytuft63 Thu 15-Sep-11 18:34:56

Me too .This is the first time I have complained- really got sort of angrily moved to say something.
At least I have said my bit.

theothersparticus Thu 15-Sep-11 19:14:02

What a pathetic response!

Please accept my assurances that this image was in no way meant to make light of any sort of violence and was instead meant to be light hearted without carrying any serious meaning.

Who really thought this was light hearted? I can only assume that none of the focus groups contained women, or they did they were ignored. I would love to know what situation they presented for the excuses when pitching this tshirt.

EmpressOfTheFucknuggetOceans Thu 15-Sep-11 19:17:31

They've been withdrawn grin


kingbeat23 Thu 15-Sep-11 19:38:31

You will get an automated response from this company, as they will probably be having alot of comments to answer to and although want to answer them, dont have the time or manpower to write answers to everyone.

I saw this in the news today whilst at lunch (work in retail, no i'm not telling you which one, but it's not TM) and I was really upset by it. It took me explaining to most of the males in the room why it was so offensive. Once I'd explained the meaning behind it, they were as uspet and thought that it would be wrong for them to sell it. I and others were shocked that it had managed to go through so many channels before it hit the sales floor and so many of the area managers/buyers/merchandisers who all approved it. Who thinks of these things and thinks they're acceptable?

HerdOfTinyElephants Thu 15-Sep-11 20:43:18

I don't actually see that that response makes any sense at all:

was in no way meant to make light of any sort of violence and was instead meant to be light hearted without carrying any serious meaning

How are you "light-hearted and not seriously considering" [any issue] but not "making light" of it? Those sound like the same thing to me, or at least so close that there isn't really room for TM to hide in the space covered by the minimal distinction.

KRICRI Thu 15-Sep-11 20:46:00

I got the same stock response as well and I was puzzled by exactly the same line in it as you were Herd. hmm

whethergirl Thu 15-Sep-11 22:27:41

I just find it really odd that these t-shirts actually made it on the shelves....they MUST have considered how offended some people would be. The fact they use the word "lighthearted" just makes it all the worse actually. The really sad thing is that they really don't seem to get it.

Reminds me of a really terrible t-shirt my ex-boyfriend had - I would end the relationship if a current partner owned a t-shirt like that (but was much younger and more stupid at the time). I can't even tell you what was on it, it really was shocking and it still haunts me to this day (10 years on).

heroinahalfshell Thu 15-Sep-11 22:39:55

Guy at my college used to walk around wearing a "I love rohypnol" t-shirt. Might as well have said "I love rape". Used to turn my stomach when I saw him wearing it (which was worryingly often).

JLK2 Thu 15-Sep-11 23:15:21

I see women wearing far more offensive T shirts all the time.

JLK2 Thu 15-Sep-11 23:16:32
DontCallMeFrothyDragon Thu 15-Sep-11 23:18:30


Some of those are horrifying

craftyknickers Thu 15-Sep-11 23:34:52

I am extrememy upset and horrified!

A month ago I left a relationship after being repeatedly abused (phys/emot/sexual) It is all very raw to me as I have only just come to terms with the fact its not my faulty and never has been.

I hate to think how I would have reacted to seeing anyone wearing this T-Shirt.

The funny thing is the one person I KNOW would find this T-Shirt funny is the person who beat me and still thinks it is my fault.

Another reason to hate that company.

PizzaEmpress Fri 16-Sep-11 07:50:56

I've emailed too, although I know they've withdrawn the t-shirts.

I have no experience of domestic violence, but it's the first thing that came to mind when I saw that t-shirt. I'm really surprised that they'd stock that awful dog breed one too. It's not very often that I feel genuinely shocked and offended by a t-shirt, but Top Man managed it today.

spiderpig8 Fri 16-Sep-11 08:57:09

So lets campaign for these misandristic T shirts to be banned now

Mouseface Fri 16-Sep-11 09:27:38

That was my point too Spiderpig8 (although I am amazed that we agree on something!)

You can't have one rule for one and one for the other. I find the t-shirts in your link just as offensive as the ones by Toptwats.

There's just no need for either of them is there?

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 09:38:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StickThemWithThePointyEnd Fri 16-Sep-11 10:26:49

"My other ride is your Dad" shock

joaninha Fri 16-Sep-11 10:57:02


Grrrrrrr.... I hate those t shirts too. I would hate for my DS to see them. I feel a bit churlish complaining as they're only a small outfit and obviously not as out there as topman. Are you going to complain? If a few of us do it they might take notice.

All of this, whether it's anti-boy or anti-girl comes from the same place. The perpetuation of the battle of the sexes is a good way to make money. It's irritating beyond words.

QueenoftheVerse Fri 16-Sep-11 11:17:41


Just to let you know, I emailed that site to complain about their disgusting sexist merchandise. Can't stand sexism in any form and even if the retailer isn't in the same league as Topman that's no excuse to just let it carry on.

RamblingRosa Fri 16-Sep-11 11:29:48

Ugh, just read this vile blog on Torygraph (no, not my usual paper but someone pointed the blog out to me). Comments underneath even worse. Eg. "I would love to find out who the women are who have complained. Then I could go and beat them." shock sad

joaninha Fri 16-Sep-11 11:36:17

Spiderpig8, QueenoftheVerse: me too, have just emailed. smile

ThePopsicleKat Fri 16-Sep-11 11:45:15

JLK2 - while those T-shirts are pretty moronic and tacky, I don't find them sexist or offensive in the same league as the Topman shirts. The only one as far as I can see that is misandristic is the "No Boyfriend, No Problems" one, which is still a lot milder than "Nice Girlfriend, What Breed Is She?" and making light of DV. The offensive ones could be directed at anyone, which doesn't make them good, but as they aren't undermining a specific group's rights I don't find them as serious.
In fact, more of their offensiveness comes from self-deprecation than insulting men, e.g. "Property of My Boyfriend", "Will Fuck For Shoes", "Slut Drop" etc.

However, the ones linked to by spiderpig are blatantly sexist and much more vile for it. I remember seeing girls at school with the merchandise featured there, and never thought it was very funny.

JLK2 Fri 16-Sep-11 11:55:34

How about this? Is this equally offensive as the two t-shirts in the OP?

IMO it's far more offensive.

Empjusa Fri 16-Sep-11 11:59:20

JLK That's not the usual name for that item, so that's a bit odd.

Miggsie Fri 16-Sep-11 12:02:59

Well at least it is clear that Lundy Bancroft is never going t be short of patients...which probably doesn't make him feel that great either.

JLK2 Fri 16-Sep-11 12:05:33

Empjuas, whatever it's called, it's still a man with knives sticking through him. A lot of domestics happen in the kitchen and it only takes a second for the red mist to descend and a woman to plunge a knife into her husband's chest.

It's unacceptable.

Empjusa Fri 16-Sep-11 12:08:51

I don't see it as a big deal tbh. It looks more like Morph to me, plusI believe it's made by the same people who do Dead Fred, and Splat Stan. So they seem to see it as more like Morph too.

KRICRI Fri 16-Sep-11 12:32:02

JLK2, your link to the "Lush" site (not that one) of women's tee shirts included as many that were demeaning of women, (e.g. Slut Drop, Property of my Boyfriend, Born for Porn, Dream Date-When You Wake Up I'll Be Gone, Will Fuck for Shoes, etc.) as it did ones that could be seen as negative towards men, (e.g. Sucks to Be You, Sorry But I'm Not Interested, My Other Ride is Your Dad, Man Eater, I Recycle Boys, etc.) I don't like any of them, but unless I missed it, I didn't see one that tread the line of belittling violence like the TopMan one did.

HippieHop Fri 16-Sep-11 12:40:49

I have only seen the t-shirt with the checklist from Topshop on the Guardian... it amazes me how such a retailer could find it acceptable to sell such a vile item. Was actually on their site this morning but shall take my custom elsewhere now.

There are so many disturbing and sexist slogan t-shirts out there at the moment. I knew some men who used to wear those 'what goes on tour stays on tour' t-shirts as some kind of pact, as they would all go out/go away and cheat on their partners which they found hilarious, obviously hmm nice.

Empjusa Fri 16-Sep-11 12:58:57

Actually, thinking about that knife block. It's sexless. Neither male nor female.

pointissima Fri 16-Sep-11 14:27:14

Note the "apologies for any offence caused/ upset you may have suffered" wording of the apology.

These formulations suggest that there is nothing inherently offensive about the T-shirts. It is simply that they regret that we are all over- sensitive and humourless.

"We apologise for selling offensive T shirts and thereby contributing to a culture in which rape is acceptable" would have been more like it.

Am too old and fat for top shop myself; but my goddaughter will not be getting top shop vouchers for Christmas this year

BookNerd Fri 16-Sep-11 14:56:25

I cant see the t-shirt - the links just go to an empty shopping basket. What did it say? Maybe they've taken it down?

BookNerd Fri 16-Sep-11 15:01:26

Sorry, I just found it on the Guardian - absolutely vile.

SnakeOnCrack Fri 16-Sep-11 17:38:27

"It was meant to be light hearted" - yes but light hearted about WHAT exactly? If it's not making light of violence, then what was the original intention? They haven't explained that at all..

scottishmummy Fri 16-Sep-11 19:24:16

ghastly.what kind of fuckwit wears that
withdrawn them i read
but imagine people sat in a design meeting and approved those products for public sale

StewieGriffinsMom Fri 16-Sep-11 20:45:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

girliefriend Fri 16-Sep-11 20:52:29

hideous and worrying sad

frankie3 Fri 16-Sep-11 21:42:02

This made me think of a tiny boy I saw today, about 2 years old who was wearing a tshirt that said "lock up your daughters"!

Buddhagirl Fri 16-Sep-11 22:06:11

It's just a T-shirt. I think if someone is going to be abusive a T-Shirt slogan will make no difference. It's obviously meant to be light-hearted, but a bit contraversial. And my life was ruined by DV. Freedom of speech people!

scottishmummy Fri 16-Sep-11 22:11:03

t shirts arent causal but are bad one is going to beat woman on basis of a slogan but its tasteless

AyeBelieveInTheHumanityOfMen Fri 16-Sep-11 22:29:41

great IBTP article about freedom of speech

Anything other than zero tolerance of domestic violence contributes to a culture of shrugging acceptance of it as an occupational hazard of being in a relationship, particularly for women.

messybessie Fri 16-Sep-11 22:44:34

I think stuart lee puts it nicely!

Sockfairy Sat 17-Sep-11 08:57:23

I see it's been removed from sale... and the other one. What were they thinking of, and they stock size XXS, and how many of us take our early teen sons to Topman to get clothes. How can they let such a glaring mistake through the buying process...

morrisseysquornmince Sat 17-Sep-11 10:11:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jugglingwiththreeshoes Sat 17-Sep-11 10:44:59

Welcome back morrissey - hope you had a nice hol smile
Good on yer DP !

Notchattingnow Sat 17-Sep-11 10:54:23

Absolutely beyond disgusting.. misogynistic sexist bile

electra Sat 17-Sep-11 11:42:18

I can't see it - what does it say? The link seems to have been removed.

lchodge Sat 17-Sep-11 16:52:35

My first thought was the guy had cheated.

Ds2 bought this t-shirt online. I didn't see it until he got back from school on friday (he wore it for non uniform day because it's red). He genuinely thought it was stupid excuses, and didn't know it had anything to do with domestic violence until I explained it to him - and he is devastated that he wore it.

He's 16, maybe a bit naive, is lucky enough not to know anyone who's suffered DV, and simply did not make the connection. He's not a fuckwit or stupid, but has the greatest respect for women and girls. I feel for him, that he's had to learn this lesson this way, and am horrified that this shirt was ever available for anyone to buy.

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sat 17-Sep-11 22:20:34

I fully sympathise SDT sad. I told DS1(14) about the t-shirt and asked him what he thought of it. He too thought it was a list of stupid excuses that men would make (in his case it thought it might have something to do with sex...), but when I explained that they were the most common excuses that men use to 'justify' DV he was horrified - kept asking why Topshop would sell them.

LeoTheLateBloomer Sun 18-Sep-11 07:54:16

I honestly don't understand how people can think "you provoked me" is a silly, innocent excuse.

Maybe it's just because of my own experiences, but the phrase makes me shudder. How can there be anything innocent about the word 'provoke'?

LottieJenkins Sun 18-Sep-11 08:29:18

I can't see what was said on the tee shirt as the page was blank when i clicked on the link. I'm not keen on anything to do with Philip Green as he supports that skanky druggie Kate Moss! hmm

lycheemartini Sun 18-Sep-11 09:21:21

I saw a man in the supermarket the other day wearing a t-shirt which said 'Dead girls don't say no' ..wish I'd said something to him.

I can only answer for ds2, Leo. He hasn't had the experiences you have had, nor does he know anyone who's had those experiences. Maybe he thought it was a stupid excuse for thumping your brother - and yes, violence is still unacceptable if it is between siblings, but he wouldn't see that as being in anywhere near the same league as domestic violence of the sort you are thinking of. Maybe he is naive - he probably is. He is certainly lucky not to have been touched by experiences like yours. But I am absolutely sure that he had no idea how that shirt could be viewed.

I am raising my boys to respect other people, and to know that violence is not the solution, and I had a talk to ds2 about the implications of what was written on his shirt - and as I said, he was genuinely devastated that he'd been wearing something so offensive all day.

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sun 18-Sep-11 15:29:26

DV is still brushed under the carpet and hushed up - which is probably why many young men would wear it not fully appreciating or understand the context. To them it would be a 'laugh'. I can't understand why the TopShop execs thought this would be funny in anyway though hmm

More than one person must have been involved in drawing up this design and approving it, and it beggars belief that no-one realised how offensive these 'excuses' could be .

Maisiethemorningsidecat Sun 18-Sep-11 16:20:26

Agree - what (if anything) went through their minds? Were they trying to be 'edgy' and when it backfired spectacularly, decided to blame it on 'misunderstood' humour?

BerylStreep Sun 18-Sep-11 17:38:22

lycheemartini shock

Absolutely repulsive.

SDT - good on you for explaining to DS.

LeoTheLateBloomer Sun 18-Sep-11 18:01:15

Sorry SDT my comment wasn't directed to you personally or your DS, more a general wonderment.

Don't worry, Leo - it's OK. I just wish that this crass and horrid piece of clothing hadn't appeared to re-open the scars that you and others in your situation carry.

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