Raising kids as feminists?

[Ghostlove]

I have a post here at The F Word about raising children as feminists, explaining just some of the ways I am trying to raise my son in a feminist manner, and asking commenters to pitch in with their ideas and methods of doing the same - the conversation there has been spectacular!

I'd really like to have that conversation here too - what are you doing to raise equality-minded, feminist boys and girls?

[booyhoo]

challenge all sexism when you hear it/see it. tv, radio, friends etc.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

I wouldn't say that raising someone to believe in equality is raising a feminist.

[southeastastra]

don't really understand, think education is completely centered around girls atm

so am getting more defensive for my sons sorry no help

[Butterpie]

SEA- Feminism isn't just for girls, y'know...it is about equality BOTH ways.

[booyhoo]

riven do you think that is because of how you raised them or just because it would have happened anyway because of peer pressure etc?

[booyhoo]

i dread to think of the influence school will have on my two, i just hope that the stuff that is instilled at home will prevail in the end and they will be nice people who treat all others equally without prejudice.

[BoneyBackJefferson]

By Prolesworth Wed 30-Jun-10 17:53:21
What's feminism about if not equality BBJ?

TBH

I'm no longer quite sure. It seems to change depending on who you talk to. (BTW I am not trying to start an arguement or derail the topic)

[sethstarkaddersmum]

it's a really interesting issue Ghostlove.

for me it's turned out (to my surprise) to be as much about questioning my own expectations as anything else. I thought that I, at least, would be non-sexist, but I keep catching myself treating them differently (I have a dd and 2 dses, and find that when you have both sexes it is easier to notice.)
For instance: meeting with dd's teacher, teacher tells me dd has a real feeling for numbers, I am astonished, because I've always thought of her talents as being primarily linguistic. Later I read that people tend to overestimate their sons' mathematical abilities and underestimate their daughters'

On average boys are breastfed longer than girls - whaddya know, I bf dd for 6 months and ds1 for 13. Oh, I had perfectly good work-related reasons, but even so....

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

As I'm not a parent yet I'm not sure I have the right to comment, but from witnessing the kids in my family and those of my friends, it seems that parents are very keen to "give in" to their children when they pick so-called sterotypically "sex-appropriate" stuff. So in the family (where the mother is a child psych FGS) the little girl has an absolute plethora of fairy-princess crap, more than any child could possibly need. There's no reason why they couldn't say no to buying this stuff, but it's all been waiting for her since she was too small to speak. Now she demands it, they don't even think about saying "no". On the other hand, when the little boy switched from ballet to football, the parents made little jokes about heaving a sigh of relief.

TBH I think
a)parents re-learning how to say no to their kids, and

b)wiping out the remaining homophobia would be a good start.

Parents are afraid their boys will be seen as girly because girly=gay and gay=bad.

[frikonastick]

i dont think its so much girly=gay=bad.

i think its just girly=bad fullstop.

but i hear you sethstarkaddersmom. my DD is obsessed with shoes. putting them on taking them off etc etc. i hadnt thought to myself that this was because she was a GIRL, at least, i didnt think i had. but.....i was at playgroup the other day and a little boy the same age as my DD was also obsessing over everyones shoes and i caught myself thinking it was funny. i metaphorically kicked myself all the way home.....

[BelleDameSansMerci]

My mother raised me to believe that women are, in fact, superior to men in every way. I'm struggling not to do this with my DD. I need to guide her to challenge the still prevalent attitude of male superiority and entitlement without the sexism associated with the way/reasons that I challenge it.

In all honesty this belief has served me well at both school and work as I was always challenging the perception that girls/women can't do certain things. I'm aware that this attitude is as sexist as someone believing that men are superior btw.

I know I'm a lot older than many on MN and perhaps I'm more "radical" because I can remember/have experienced levels of sexism which would not now be tolerated anywhere.

And, FWIW, I believe that feminism is about equality for both sexes and is not about putting men down or hating them etc. It's about us all having the same rights.

[BigWeeHag]

I have tried to provide gender neutral toys and games, with some success, but the DS's do seem to gravitate to gender specific toys - for example, they all love lego, but DD plays with the people and makes wee houses, DS1 makes patterns, tools and guns (it didn't come in sets, just a big box of bricks and people from the eighties, so no direction from the toy).

I try to challenge any sexist attitudes I hear, but I know I have many of my own that equally need challenging (I instinctively see males as incapable, and notice myself pandering to my sons far more than to DD. She is expected to get on with it.)

[sethstarkaddersmum]

I think it's easier in a family with all girls. One example: our cleaner grew up on a farm with lots of sisters and when she was a teenager her dad was killed in a car crash, so she and her mum and sisters ran the farm. She attributes her ability to mend anything to this - 'Oh yes, I can fix vacuum cleaners, I used to mend tractors.' 'I'm very strong, I used to pick up hay bales' etc!
If she'd had a brother he would most likely have taken on the 'masculine' tasks and she would not have grown up with this sense that she could do anything a man could. I think on a smaller way it can work like that at home.

or another one: Laura in Little House On The Prairie helping her dad build the house because they didn't have the boy who would have helped him otherwise (apparently they did really have one son but he died.)

If you grow up without brothers you're also insulated both from the boys' bringing home the sexism they pick up at school ('You can't play with my Scalextric cos you're a girl!') and the way relatives treat you differently (still rankles how one grandma gave my db a much better watch than mine and the other grandad told me there was no excuse for my bedroom being the untidiest when I was a girl ).

[tethersend]

WRT the buying of 'fairy-princess' type toys- children are not brought up in a void, and are subject to influences outside of the family; from peers, media etc. Actively refusing requests for these toys risks fetishising them.

What's wrong with buying the toys and talking about their context?

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

I don't think there's anything wrong with buying some of these toys along with a mix of other toys, tethersend. It's the "fetishisation" (if you want to put it like that) of the pretty little girl surrounded by pretty little dresses and princess stuff that makes me sick.

As a kid I went through a phase of loving barbies etc and wondered why my parents would buy them for me. In fact they did get a couple of things like that for birthdays etc, but I had far more toy farm stuff, teddies, puppets etc, and I loved playing with all of them. The way that most of the princess crap focusses on appearance is just one reason why these kinds of toys are not great for kids.

[ElephantsAndMiasmas]

*wouldn't**

[anastaisia]

My DD likes to ride her bike and play Doctor Who with her friends while dressed as a princess. I like that she doesn't see it as either/or.