Oxford schoolgirl abduction didn't happen, police suddenly announced

(138 Posts)
Yunitsa Fri 11-Nov-16 15:30:20

Help, fellow feminists...

I've written a bit on other threads about my daughter (same age) being hugely upset about this abduction and rape. She was cycling along the same street at the same time as it was meant to have happened. As a direct result I've had to go back to giving her lifts to and from school.

This is a name change because it was all just getting a bit close to home/potentially outing.

I've had texts from her already this afternoon... news of this press release must have broken at school. She's confused. The girl was raped but not abducted? Why did she say she was abducted? Is she in trouble? Have the police made a mistake?
And then just now:
Now the police won't believe the next girl who is abducted. Is that right?

And this is before she's seen any of the vitriol that has already begun on social media... schoolgirls should never be believed, apparently; it wasn't rape either, more than likely, she just changed her mind after a threesome. envy - vomit.

Anyone got any words of wisdom? I have to pick her up shortly and I have no idea what to say. I'm really shaken by this. Though also, of course, kind of glad that the abduction didn't take place and that my daughter might start to feel safe to travel alone again.

link here

Frustratingly the press release on TVP's website is now showing as having an orator and not loading. (It was working an hour ago.) Like more confusion is needed here. hmm

Gardencentregroupie Fri 11-Nov-16 15:35:25

I think it's very unhelpful for any ongoing investigation to speculate on what may have happened and people's thought processes, but Thames Valley Police must be very certain the abduction element didn't happen to make a public statement saying so.

I can't believe it will mean any future reports of abduction won't be thoroughly investigated.

I hope your DD starts to feel able to travel again flowers

MrsJayy Fri 11-Nov-16 15:39:07

So this girl met a male then made up a story supposedly not to get in trouble or somebody the male told her to lie . I would just say to your own Dd that you are not sure whats going on or what happened with the girl but she must have been quite frightened if she made it all up. Sounds like the girl might have got herself into a situation she couldnt handle they are more than likely continuing the rape investigation because she was raped poor kid.

MrsJayy Fri 11-Nov-16 15:40:03

Might have* sorry

IAmAmy Fri 11-Nov-16 15:42:07

My initial reactions to this development were similar to yours, confusion and also I admit slight relief the abduction didn't happen as I found that so utterly chilling and I've not stopped thinking about it since. I think it's important the girl continues to be supported and that includes by the local community as well as by the police. I think the way it's being reported is irresponsible and it doesn't surprise me vitriol is being directed towards her on social media, sickening though. This is still a 14 year old girl who the evidence must show has been raped, who set off for school as normal one morning and was found hugely distressed 4 hours later. Maybe she blamed herself for it or the situation she was in which lead to the version of what happened before. I'm confused too but the girl is still at the forefront of my thoughts.

AnchorDownDeepBreath Fri 11-Nov-16 15:43:55

There were some pretty strong reports at the time that she'd arranged to meet them online but didn't want to go through with what they'd planned, once she met up with them. That may well still be true.

Whilst I wouldn't advocate lying to your daughter, I'd reassure her that all abductions are taken seriously. This one was, even after the fake child abduction bike one before, for example. It sounds like she's struggling with this and needs some reassurance. I'd reiterate keeping your wits about you whilst out and about, and internet safety just incase.

Jackie0 Fri 11-Nov-16 15:44:05

She is 14 so regardless if she is calling it rape it is a crime.

Goingtobeawesome Fri 11-Nov-16 15:46:36

If it wasn't as it first appeared I would say that it sounds like the girl got into a scary situation and she needs support. I'd ask her if she wanted to carry on the lifts and go from there.

Yunitsa Fri 11-Nov-16 15:54:08

Sorry I didn't mean it to look like I was asking for speculation. I'm not in any way. I'm angry that the police statement is leading to so much speculation on social media (and in the corner shop I was just in) and need to work out how to help my daughter to traverse it all.

I am very proud of my daughter and her friends for listening to their school's advice not to gossip in person or on social media and I have endeavoured to do the same myself.

Goingtobeawesome Fri 11-Nov-16 15:59:55

It doesn't read as you were speculating at all. It's clear you're asking for help in supporting your child.

IAmAmy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:00:20

I agree regarding the statement, I think it could have been worded so much better and they should have foreseen the kind of response from many on social media how they phrased it would get and how it would get reported. I know they have to do their best to reassure the community too but it's lead to reporting which to me is accusatory towards the girl who is 14 and has been through something horrific.

FRETGNIKCUF Fri 11-Nov-16 16:03:07

So she was raped by someone she knew and wanted to report it/get help but didn't want to out the rapist.

slenderisthenight Fri 11-Nov-16 16:05:58

I don't think the police have done wrong. Your anger is misplaced IMO.

IAmAmy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:07:41

Some of the reporting is irresponsible in my opinion in its tone. Main thing should still be supporting the girl.

LunaLoveg00d Fri 11-Nov-16 16:09:17

She is still saying she was raped, just that she went willingly with him/them/whoever.

I think the Police have announced this to allay parents' fears - it's everyone's worst nightmare that their daughter is abducted by strangers and raped, especially abducted from a busy street in rush hour. They're saying this bit didn't happen for reassurance.

It will all come out eventually.

Scrumptiousbears Fri 11-Nov-16 16:18:07

My take on it from personal experience is the first account given is from the victim who says she was abducted (and raped). During the investigation it has come to light she was not ABDUCTED. (Nothing about the rape).

This could have come to light from various things. The victim changing her story, CCTV showing her willingly getting in the vehicle, content of messages arranging to meet said offenders etc etc.

The police have to put this press release out as quite rightly many many people were very frightened about being abducted (let alone the rape). I know it hard to believe but there are a lot of people out there who do lie about these things for various reason. There are also a lot of people who do not lie.

This will not make the police disbelieve any future reports.

IAmAmy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:19:29

There must be evidence she was raped so she still went through an awful ordeal and needs support from everyone. I hope progress is being made finding those responsible.

For others in the area it will hopefully be a little reassuring that the abduction didn't happen - I know it is for me as someone who lives elsewhere but was very upset by it. I hope girls feel able to regain their independence and confidence going out.

Saracen Fri 11-Nov-16 16:19:37

In answer to your concern about how to discuss this with your daughter, you could use the situation as a springboard to discuss related subjects, regardless of what actually happened in this particular case.

You could, for example, reassure her that YOU would always believe and support her if she says something happened to her. You could mention that sometimes rape victims are afraid to say what happened to them because they fear being blamed, but it is NEVER the victim's fault, no matter how she ended up in a vulnerable situation.

You could talk about the fact that a large proportion of (most?) rapes are perpetrated by acquaintances. You could discuss date rape and the meaning of consent. YouTuber Laci Green has some great videos exploring the topic of consent.

You could tell her that sometimes when people have been abused or attacked and are frightened, they initially may say something which isn't the literal truth. That is not the same as lying. They still need help and support.

RepentAtLeisure Fri 11-Nov-16 16:19:51

I see the 'twits' are calling for all the usual - name her, shame her, charge her, put her in a jail cell and throw away the key. I'm just waiting for the biggie - "those poor men"...

MrsJayy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:30:41

I didn't read it as you speculating i was just probably clumsily try to say what the gossip might be i can imagine it is rife where you are

OurBlanche Fri 11-Nov-16 16:30:57

The likelihood is that she feels / has been made to feel that she 'asked for it'. Maybe she did know them, chatted on social media etc. So when she was raped she felt she had to add abducted or no one would believe her.. after all, if she went willingly it ain't rape, is it?

Well, no, it ain't - if you're the type of pillock who calls for her to be named and shamed... thing of the poor mans!

Yunitsa Fri 11-Nov-16 16:37:18

Yes that's what I heard in the corner shop: those poor men who had their e-fits on the front of the paper - her photo should be on the front next week!

Needless to say I won't be shopping in there again.

IAmAmy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:40:26

Oh my word that is vile. She's a 14 year old girl and they're adult men, it upsets me to know people in her community are saying such a thing. Well it horrifies me that so many people think like that everywhere. That kind of attitude is probably part of why the abduction was part of the initial version of events.

MrsJayy Fri 11-Nov-16 16:40:54

Oh yes those poor men she is 14 fgs you would think with all that has come out about historic sex abuse you would think people would be more sympathetic and understanding but no it's still poor men.

BertrandRussell Fri 11-Nov-16 16:49:34

She was 14. She was raped.

Children are sexually abused all the time. We don't want to think about that- particularly as they are usually abused by a family member. So we focus on the almost zero chance of our children being abducted.

This case fed the abduction and rape narrative- -and made it easier still for us to ignore the real dangers our children face. Sadly, the poor girl in the center of it will suffer the backlash.

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