Why do girls let the boys get away with it?

(340 Posts)
Weneedarevolution Thu 10-Nov-16 18:33:15

My DS is doing A levels. In geography they have been put in a group of boys and girls - 5 students I think. They have to complete a project. The girls have organised and allocated th work, my DS has minimal work to do. He is GOOD at geography his input would help the girls. He is quite happy to let this happen as he can benefit from their efforts while getting on with other work.

His argument is that if they had asked him he would have gladly helped but they organised it and he just agreed. I really believe if the girls asked he and his friends would do the work to a high standard.

This has happened through out his school career, he and his friends almost expect it now.

So who is to blame the girls for not asking or the boys for letting it happen?

ByeByeLilSebastian Thu 10-Nov-16 18:37:55

The boys imo.
It'd down to the girls to shivvy the boys alone. They are doing what was asked of them but the boys aren't.

ByeByeLilSebastian Thu 10-Nov-16 18:38:37

I'm just going to type that again.
* It's not down to the girls to shivvy the boys along.

Shallishanti Thu 10-Nov-16 18:41:38

the girls have maybe learnt that it's easier to just get on with it than to have to chivvy the boys

SoHairyAndForeverSpartacus Thu 10-Nov-16 18:43:23

Why aren't the boys being more proactive? Why are they waiting for the girls to ask them? What have they actually learned about teamwork?

IAmAmy Thu 10-Nov-16 18:44:28

Only the boys could be responsible. It's not girls' responsibility to tell boys of our own age (I'm 16) to do their work. If the girls can do it, so can the boys. He could nicely ask if he could be given something else to do towards the project as he feels he's not being stretched enough by what they've allocated, if that's the issue.

SpeakNoWords Thu 10-Nov-16 18:45:45

Does he not think the teacher will notice that he's contributed minimally and mark him accordingly? Is he at all concerned about that? I'm surprised he doesn't want to get involved more to show off what he knows/can do.

So in conclusion, it's his fault. The girls are simply protecting themselves and doing what they've been socialised to do which is to compensate and be better than the boys just to be seen as equal.

RiverTam Thu 10-Nov-16 18:46:36

He's passively waiting to be asked. What a pity these girls have had to learn at such a young age that the only way to get a male to be involved is to ask them, rather than the boys involving themselves.

And why havent you made that point to him?

It's kind of a microcosm of a wider problem. Either girls just get on and do more than their fair share of the work. Or they do their work and the work of making sure the boys do their share.

Or they could do only their share, and trust the boys (who seem to be pretty content to sit back and be lazy if they can get away with it) to do a decent job. And if the boys do end up being lazy anyway, the girls' grades suffer.

Hmm, what a great set of choices before them.

This is why I tend to dislike group assignments, whether participating or assigning.

Weneedarevolution Thu 10-Nov-16 18:47:50

The boys have learnt they can have their cake and eat it.

Why should they be proactive? The project is done and they have got other work done as well.

My DS and his friends are baffled as to why the girls don't just ask them to do more.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 10-Nov-16 18:48:30

A. Did the girls offer to organise it?
B. Did they take it upon themselves to organise it?
C. Did they organise it out of exasperation because the boys weren't bothering?
D. Did the boys ask them to organise it?

A or B - girls fault.
C or D - boys fault.

SoHairyAndForeverSpartacus Thu 10-Nov-16 18:49:07

It sounds like your DS and his friends are very happy with this arrangement. Of course they would be! They're getting work done for them rather than properly contributing.

The girls have probably realised that they'll learn more and get better results if they do the work themselves, rather than putting in minimal effort and letting the group carry them. The boys should try it!

PerspicaciaTick Thu 10-Nov-16 18:49:33

So the girls are responsible for your DS' passivity?
Perhaps the girls have learned through bitter experience that if they want work done it is quicker and simpler to do it themselves than argue with a blank wall of male indifference.

IAmAmy Thu 10-Nov-16 18:50:38

"Why should they be proactive?" Because they want to learn and stretch themselves? Because they're at an age where they should be studying subjects as they inspire them and they have interest in studying them at a higher level? Because they shouldn't be content with jumping on the back of the girls' hard work and taking credit for it? If they're so baffled about the girls not asking them to do more (probably because the girls are too busy actually doing the work) then they could very easily and in a friendly manner ask to be given more to do.

The boys have learned that the world rewards them for exploiting women. And that the women themselves will be blamed for not preventing males from exploiting them.

I would not be making excuses for your son for how he has behaved here, if I were you.

IAmAmy Thu 10-Nov-16 18:52:18

MilkTwoSugarsThanks I disagree. None of those are the girls' fault. To even say "A" and "B" are is blaming girls for the failure of the boys to do their fair share.

Blistory Thu 10-Nov-16 18:52:29

How would you feel if this wasn't about your son and schoolwork but about your partner and housework ?

Would you still question why should he be more proactive ?

eyebrowsonfleek Thu 10-Nov-16 18:52:59

Group work is always unfair. I have 3 kids
Ds1 is intelligent but does not stand up to alpha characters in the group. He does the work that the alpha character assigns him and no more. He does not care at all that he's not doing his fair share.
Dd is a perfectionist and worries that the other people in the group do not care as much as her. She will do more than her share. She prefers that the weakest link in the group does not lower her grade so she will seethe but work hard.
Ds2 has his head in the clouds. He's creative so will be handy in some group tasks but generally he will allow the others in the group to do the work. He will work if asked, but wouldn't volunteer.

IAmAmy you sound fab! flowers

IAmAmy Thu 10-Nov-16 18:54:19

Thank you BuffytheReasonableFeminist! A reasonable feminist is what I strive to be, I think I only have half that reputation amongst boys I know fir the time being wink

Geretrude Thu 10-Nov-16 18:54:54

I would've bloody ashamed if that were my son

YonicProbe Thu 10-Nov-16 18:55:10

Maybe they think they are better at geography than him!

MilkTwoSugarsThanks Thu 10-Nov-16 18:55:31

Having watch a group of children organise a project, the girls were very much to blame for the division of tasks. It was made very clear to the boys that they were to do what they'd been told to do!

YonicProbe Thu 10-Nov-16 18:56:05

"The boys have learned that the world rewards them for exploiting women. And that the women themselves will be blamed for not preventing males from exploiting them. "

Absofuckinglutely.

Weneedarevolution Thu 10-Nov-16 18:56:50

MilkTwo very definitely B.

This is not assessed work, it is a revision task the whole class will benefit from. My DS gets better grades than the girls involved. He will not really benefit from doing the work the girls may well benefit greatly.

RiverTam I have strongly pointed out the issues involved, this thread being part of my ongoing campaign. However, he points out that if the situation was reversed he would 'tell them to pull their finger out' , he would, why don't they?

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