Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Feminism: chat

Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

Male gaze (eyes averted)

12 replies

LateDad · 14/10/2016 20:41

First, apologies if I've misappropriated the term "male gaze".

This is what happened: DW and I went to visit an independent girls' school to see if would be a good fit for DD1 and DD2 later. All was good with the school, the emphasis on teaching "the whole" person not simply an results factory. The site is various buildings linked together with corridors and stairs: and this is where it happened. The girls were walking up and down the stairs making no attempt to wrap their skirts around their knees, nor looking to see who was "checking them out" ... they were relaxed, going about their business, unaffected and un-threatened. It struck me then that this is how girls and women do not cannot? behave in wider/mixed society. To an extent, I get it now.

And in case anyone is wondering -- yes, I made sure that I didn't stare and didn't break this happy state of affairs.

OP posts:

Report

0phelia · 14/10/2016 21:46

What?
So schoolgirls were in their school uniform going about their ordinary day and you have taken an offense?

Report

0phelia · 14/10/2016 21:48

Women shouldn't wear skirts.
Women shouldn't wear bikinis on the beach.
Women shouldn't get drunk.
Women shouldn't smile on public.
Oh actually women have to smile in public so long as it's directed at me.

Yes, I get it now too.

Report

DontBuyANewMumCashmere · 14/10/2016 21:48

I think OP has just realised how relaxed young women can be when they're not worried about men perving on them.

Report

OlennasWimple · 14/10/2016 21:52

Yes, I read it that OP had had a moment of realisation, rather than being offended!

Report

ErrolTheDragon · 14/10/2016 21:56

Yes - females not having to give a shit about the 'male gaze'. Which I guess is what the OP would like the rest of the world to be for the sake of his DDs. Blokes sometimes get it in relation to their daughters in way that doesnt occur to them relative to their partners.

Report

reallyanotherone · 14/10/2016 22:03

Eh?

I don't wrap my skirt around my knees to climb stairs, unless someone is lying on the stairs looking up there's nothing to see.

I do agree with you O/P.

Report

cadnowyllt · 14/10/2016 22:05

Welcome latedad

Report

marblefireplace · 14/10/2016 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Childrenofthestones · 15/10/2016 01:12

Haha, that'll teach you.

Report

0phelia · 15/10/2016 08:51

Oh I took the sentence "girls and women cannot behave like this" the wrong way.
Didn't mean to scare you off.

Ok so we can't behave like this, freely just being, without blokes commenting or staring or getting offended. You're right. It's shit.

Report

HardcoreLadyType · 15/10/2016 09:01

I'm amazed that more fathers of daughters cannot see this kind of thing, LateDad.

I think it's excellent that we put a lot of emphasis on encouraging girls to do "masculine" things like STEM subjects, etc, but we don't put enough on teaching boys "feminine" attributes like empathy.

I'm pleased that your DDs have a father who "gets it".

Report

LateDad · 16/10/2016 17:49

I thought I'd already posted this but ...

DontBuyANewMumCashmere - yes, exactly that.

OlennasWimple - I think that's partly because I've been in a parental/protective role for DD whereas DW has always been a capable adult woman to me. Although I expect unconscious male entitlement plays a part too.

0phelia - probably my wording, but I'm not scared off!

HardcoreLadyType - I remember hoping that better equality would mean fewer lads getting shitfaced and fighting in public. Instead, we seemed to get more young women doing that. Or maybe just my perspective changed.