Starting out - small wins

(18 Posts)
Myownperson Wed 14-Sep-16 07:09:24

Not sure this warrants a thread but it's nice to have a positive focus so...

Starting to see how things are can be overwhelming so I am trying to make small everyday changes. I think there are others around who are quite new to this and may want to share.

Or any ideas welcome smile

- I have stopped trying to look perfect every time I leave the house

- I paid my babysitter what I thought reflected the great job she does rather than agency rates (following reading a thread here)

- My son's are clearing their dishes from table and putting their clothes in the laundry basket

Next on my list is improving IT knowledge so my eldest doesn't think women can't do things!

KanyesVest Wed 14-Sep-16 19:47:32

I really like this idea. I'm exhausted this evening, but wanted to post so I can find the thread again tomorrow.

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 15-Sep-16 19:37:57

I am running the coding club at school, so they know a professional STEM woman

PassiveAgressiveQueen Thu 15-Sep-16 19:39:59

In our village i know they all do, but bet the kids don't know they do.

SquirrelWatcher Thu 22-Sep-16 00:00:27

I had a (hopefully) positive conversation with an older man at work who was insisting on holding a door open for me. Hopefully gave him food for thought after I had explained that I would rather he didn't do that, and why.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Thu 22-Sep-16 00:29:28

What is wrong with holding the door open for somebody? It's just politeness regardless of age or sex. Don't you get into the "no, after you" conversations?

WankingMonkey Thu 22-Sep-16 03:31:29

I didn't realise holding doors open was bad. If there is someone behind me, no matter who it is..bloke, woman, child, elder, etc I always keep the door for them. Seems rude to just close it pretty much in their face.

WankingMonkey Thu 22-Sep-16 03:32:44

And I just clicked on thats not whats meant here blush

You mean opening door, holding, then following you in right? Have only ever done that for a woman who was struggling to walk..feels awkward and I feel weird if people do it for me too

NotCitrus Thu 22-Sep-16 05:16:27

I make an effort to drive more to remind the kids I can - it took years to recover after dc2 was born so they were surprised to get driven by me age 6 and 3, and MrNC is a terrified passenger so usually drives.

I can't physically do lots of DIY type jobs but do what I still can. On the other hand MrNC is visibly doing laundry, cooking, some school runs etc.

Trying to instill basic house-srandards into my uninterested boys, whereas dd is fascinated by it all. Working on clothes going into drawers or laundry basket, and dishes back to the kitchen, rather than letting the house fairy do it, but with the amount of nagging involved I can see why becoming a martyr mum would be easier in the short term...

SquirrelWatcher Thu 22-Sep-16 12:20:25

Yes, soneone behind me, darting in front of me, then doing the whole allow me, holding the door, then following through. I'm always holding doors for people coming through behind me, especially as our workplace doors have codes to get through each one.

LassWiTheDelicateAir Thu 22-Sep-16 13:07:51

You mean opening door, holding, then following you in right? Have only ever done that for a woman who was struggling to walk..feels awkward and I feel weird if people do it for me too

If I arrive at a door at the same time as someone else I would open it and let them go first. I would not go through before them.

Myownperson Thu 22-Sep-16 13:37:11

Taking a wee MN break but saw this thread had some posts.

Some of this is personal isn't it? Someone's example might be one which would not matter as much to one woman as another.

So for example today when stbxFIL turned up with gardening equipment and tools when I'm trying to be independent it's really bloody annoying. It suggests as a single woman I can't cope. In different times (or if it was in someone elses life) it might have been the kind of sexism I could let wash over me. Maybe I'd find it helpful.

I can see how the door holding would be annoying.

specialsubject Fri 23-Sep-16 10:42:13

First person at door opens it, goes through and makes sure it doesnt slam in face of person behind. Second person says thank you.

Unless second person needs help in which case door is held by first person.

Why would anyone get annoyed?

NotCitrus Fri 23-Sep-16 12:01:36

It's only when first person opens door, then steps back to hold it aside, ushering you through with a big flourish and you have to step round them, that it's really annoying. Apart from anything else, it's slower than first person just holding the door behind them, which is good manners for anyone.

You can also tell whether the first case is happening just because the chap is over 60 and had it dinned into them as a child, versus the ones who make a Big Deal out of it, huge arm gestures, and then expect you to be ever-so-grateful...

Truckingalong Sun 25-Sep-16 20:11:27

A niece helped me to build a bed frame and I showed her how to use a spirit level and other tools and made it all seem totally normal that a woman can do all this (which it is but she has a pretty sexist dad, so I do my best to counter his influence). When we talk careers, I encourage her to think of jobs such as engineer, electrician, maths professor etc. She won't end up doing any of these but I want her to understand that these are all viable options.
In work, I challenge hard on any sexism. I make a pest of myself but I don't care :-)

pigsknickers Wed 28-Sep-16 02:53:35

Now that I'm not heavily pregnant anymore I'm going to learn how to drive DP's tractor - I want my boys to grow up thinking that it's totally normal for a woman to do that (I've got an uphill struggle in the face of the 1million books etc telling them otherwise though...)

ItIsHowItIsx Fri 30-Sep-16 15:30:07

My 9yo ds came home from school with the idea that girls look funny when they play football. I showed him clips of the women's world cup and he was really, really impressed at their skill. I then asked him if there was anything else he could think of that women couldn't do or looked funny doing and he couldnt grin. A few days later he proudly came home and told me that all the girls in the class had played football with the boys that day.The boy who put the idea in his head (and decides who can play and who can't) wasn't there that day.

WinchesterWoman Fri 30-Sep-16 20:10:13

I've stopped tolerating mansplaining at work. Feels great.
Good thread.

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