I'm sorry if this is in entirely the wrong place but im concerned about posting on the more active boards but also think my concerns will be taken seriously here without any 'drama'.
This was many, many years ago. Almost a decade. I've been in the same relationship with a slightly older man since I was 16 and I'm coming to the conclusion in my early 30's that it has been a controlling and sexually abusive relationship. I have posted about this under a different name recently on mn.
Someone asked me (in rl) whether he'd ever actually caused any physical pain and my first reaction was defensively NO but I'm my own worst enemy in terms of deception.
This memory has become a private joke between me and Dp but now evaluating it with fresh, sober eyes has made me uncomfortable.
Much of the sex we had left me in crippling physical pain pre dd as I had a variety of undiagnosed gynae issues. I grew up thinking that occasionally sex would leave you doubled up in pain and in bed for an hour or so afterwards and that you just got through it during. This was not dps fault this was the gynae issues.
One day in my early twenties we had very, very deep,rough sex one morning and after I couldn't do anything. I was in a lot of pain but also in denial. When I'm faced with anything challenging I sort of go into the 3rd person in my head. It allows me to cope with things like pain and allows me to talk about awkward situations without emotion. I managed to get myself into the shower and off to a pub lunch. I intrinsically felt uncomfortable sharing what had happened with a third party and my partner generally doesn't like us accepting help of any sort unless its life or death.
It became life or death. Eventually in the evening on my insistence he called a cab to the nearest out of hours surgery. The dr realised I was bleeding internally (peritonitis) and blue lit me in an ambulance to hospital. It was here that things started to feel deeply uncomfortable and wrong between us. I admitted to the A&E nurse that it had all started during a 'vigorous' sex session and it became a running joke in front of me by by the consultant dr and his team. Blustering in saying 'so I hear this happened during some vigorous sex this morning, hahahaha!' I felt ashamed and awful and insignificant whilst he laughed in a 'lads together ' way with Dp. Only the two junior female sho Drs had the good grace to look uncomfortable. Dp also made comments about the fact he was glad/proud od resently waxed and was wearing sexy, matching underwear in front of so many people. Although it was common knowledge by the staff that my corpus luteal cyst had been ruptured during sex not one member of staff enquired whether I was ok with sex this 'vigorous'. If they had enquired I'm in no doubt that I'd have blown their concerns out of the water but it just got me thinking. Does this raise any abuse hackles or am I just reading to much into the past.
Feminism: Sex & gender discussions
Ended up in hospital with a ruptured ovarian cyst due to 'vigorous' sex
GollumsAddiction · 07/09/2016 20:26
Yes, that's an appalling story. I'm so sorry this happened to you. If you are the poster I think you are, I hope you are finding a way to get out of this relationship.
It does sound abusive. Absolutely.
The fact he seemed to be there during all your examinations seems to be very controlling. And the banter with make doctors is horrible.
And you going into the 3rd person with yourself seems to indicate that your self conscience knew this was all kinds of wrong.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
HCP (healthcare professionals) can be horribly invalidating - not all, by any means, but they can be. The experience you describe sounds like an horrific experience to go through.
I do the third-person thing too, for the worst of the memories, in case this makes you feel any less alone.
When I was younger, an ex accidentally injured me during sex and I was in severe pain. He was so horrified that he'd hurt me, and was falling over himself to get whatever I needed to try get comfortable. I ended up going to my gp the next day and she gently asked me questions about the relationship obviously to ascertain whether it was abusive etc.
That's the kind of experience that you should have had Gollums, not what you had to endure from hcps and your p.
Really hope you're getting some RL support
That's horrible Gollums. The third person thing you do us called dissociation. It's a protective mechanism for traumatic situations e.g. A lot of rape victims describe this happening to them.
Your partner being present during examinations, the delay in getting you to medical treatment, the quips designed to demean you, show possession of you and reduce your value to how much you resembled someone in a porn film, they all point to abuse and control.
You were let down by your healthcare providers too. Should have been real red flags to them.
Take care
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.