Safe place for budding feminists

(377 Posts)
Mamaka Thu 21-Jul-16 15:39:07

As some of us have had our opinions, feelings and questions so completely bulldozed in other threads, I thought I'd try and start a safe place for newly questioning and of course veteran feminists to explore without fear of being misunderstood or ridiculed.

A couple of things I'd like to know:

I've just found out that there is no feminism group where I live and am seriously considering starting one but feeling a little unqualified for it. Any recommendations for where to start if I wanted to do this?

I've just read the equality illusion by Kat banyard in its entirety and now I'm feeling riled up. How can I start to move from anger and frustration towards positive action? (This is really what my previous thread should have been called!)

JacquettaWoodville Thu 21-Jul-16 15:40:54

Hello Mamaka!

Working right now but marking place for another time

Mamaka Thu 21-Jul-16 15:42:35

Hi Jacquetta! Yes I'm also (meant to be) working so will disappear for a while.

Great thread! smile

dottydee3 Thu 21-Jul-16 16:12:05

Mp smile

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Thu 21-Jul-16 16:17:38


I need this! Having spent all week on your relationships thread, I feel I need a crash course in how to handle posters who read 'man-hating' into everything I type, no matter how carefully I thought about every word.

Also, how not to get needled, so I don't go off on a rant! I know it's pointless, but I was so frustrated by being so obtusely misunderstood.

And to learn from the amazing posters who hang out over here.

JeffreyNeedsAHobby Thu 21-Jul-16 16:49:17

Thank you Mamaka - glad I found you! Not been to the feminism threads before <looks around, pulls up a cushion>. Btw I was alerted to your new thread by one of the bulldozers in the previous... With luck we might get a semi-decent chat going here anyway.

Ironic that there horrible smug behaviour has led me to the feminists really! grin

JeffreyNeedsAHobby Thu 21-Jul-16 16:50:44

Looks like a few of us have been converted from your other thread. Isn't it amazing what can happen when a man wades in to "set thy women to rights!" grin

BertieBotts Thu 21-Jul-16 16:52:17

What a lovely idea.

BertieBotts Thu 21-Jul-16 16:52:58

<hands out brew brew biscuit cake>

meditrina Thu 21-Jul-16 16:54:00

"I'd try and start a safe place"

Good luck.

This is an open internet site, and the incompatibility of that with the very concept of a 'safe space' has been thrashed out extensively in huge threads. MNHQ were crystal clear they are not going to moderate any particular topics differently, even when the regulars sometimes claim it should be so.

It's a bit of a red rag phrase now. Unpleasant reverberations of the 'FWR wars'

Dutchcourage Thu 21-Jul-16 16:54:48

Hello all! I'm just going to read and watch as I don't feel I know enough but would really love to start to learn.

Mother to three dds and I'm not going to have them rail roaded like I was smile

From the outrage on the other thread, I can offer two suggestions (assuming suggestions are welcome!):

1. Is the way you feel doing actual harm to any men? Or are you just advocating that they should not get to benefit from (or be excused for) exploiting/abusing women, including you personally, any more?

2. If you can hold your head high about doing no harm, regard the anger and outrage as an indication that you're really getting somewhere in challenging patriarchal assumptions. If anti-feminists approve of your feminism, something is amiss, right? grin

Ok so with the safe space thing, can I suggest that we all try to just ignore anyone who comes and posts not in the friendly and enquiringly spirit of this particular thread?

I am a MASSIVE offender in terms of engaging with such people blush. But I suspect that for this thread to be useful to the people who wanted it, ignoring is the best way.

JeffreyNeedsAHobby Thu 21-Jul-16 17:00:25

Well, they were hopping up and down and trying to compare murder, rape and violent attacks on women to car accidents... We must have managed to antagonize them somehow! They did love to go on about the use of the H word (not going to post it again as it appears to be a trigger) rather than the issues we were trying to talk about, is that gaslighting?

I wouldn't say the individuals were gaslighting, necessarily. But I do think society gaslights women, for sure. Just look at the contradictions around rape prevention / victim blaming:

You must look after yourself (watch drinks, don't walk alone, etc) or we'll say perhaps you asked for it. But if you talk openly about feeling threatened, we'll be angry because it's not fair to men to just assume they'll be a threat.

The thing I notice about rape prevention advice is, it rarely identifies what The Danger actually is, right? It's all about safety, often illustrated with a woman huddled on the floor hiding her face. Allowing people to dissociate the warnings from the source of the danger we're being told we must protect ourselves from. Which is men. State that outright though, and it's very controversial.

VoyageOfDad Thu 21-Jul-16 17:07:45

Might I suggest if you want a nice safe fluffy place free from challenge, you stop slagging off posters from another thread.


Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UmbongoUnchained Thu 21-Jul-16 17:11:44

Can I join for a nose? I consider myself a feminist but don't always agree with the feminists on here so might just have a read.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Thu 21-Jul-16 17:15:51

Thank you for that, Buffy.

I can hold my head up high and state that no man has been harmed from any action caused by the feelings I carry towards men.

I am wary. If that offends any particular man, I will respectfully suggest he takes it up with the large subsection of men who have led me to this place, as that is where my wariness originates.

VestalVirgin Thu 21-Jul-16 17:17:57

If you want a safe space, you have to make it yourself.

Perhaps get a blog on wordpress and moderate the comments heavily.

On mumsnet, as we have seen, threads get derailed by angry males.

If anti-feminists approve of your feminism, something is amiss, right?


NotQuiteSoOnEdge Thu 21-Jul-16 17:19:29

This has taken off! Brilliant!

I hope it's clear I was referring to Buffy's 1, 2, post above.

NotQuiteSoOnEdge Thu 21-Jul-16 17:23:44

If anti-feminists approve of your feminism, something is amiss, right?

That is a very useful phrase. I shall carry it in my head.

RageAgainstTheTagine Thu 21-Jul-16 17:30:26

Is it possible to raise children to be, if not active feminists, but certainly not sexist these days?? My three year old boy already gets angry when offered pink things, this hasn't come from me!?

My personal view on that is they need to be older, and able to be a bit critical in their thinking. I remember once having a discussion with my little ds that people working in garages HAD to be men. He was adamant. Now he's 12 and will point out stereotypes on TV and stuff. Hates it when people say 'throws like a girl' or 'that's gay' as insults. Loves Buffy (real one!).

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