I'm so glad you started this thread OP, it was dds y6 prom last week and she didn't go. I'm also from a poor area and a fortune has been spent on limos etc.
It was organised by the parents in a workmans club with a disco, dd was initially looking forward to it but when organisers started going on to them about how the girls will look beautiful in their ball gowns she changed her mind about going.
Dd said that all the girls were having fake tan, nails, make up hair etc done as well, some were taking "dates" and that she had been getting funny looks and told not to be silly when she said she didn't have a ball gown or make up. Not from the other children, but from adults, the organisers, her friends Mums etc.
I told dd that some girls might be wearing ball gowns, but that some won't, dds best friend is similar to her and she probably wouldn't be doing make up etc, but that either is fine. I also told she absolutely doesn't have to be with a "date". Dd was insistent that yes, all the girls are doing the ball gown, her friend doesn't want to but her mum said she won't let her go if she doesn't etc and that the prom doesn't sound like fun anymore anyway, that she didn't want to make fuss and she'd rather just not go.
Her body is changing and shes very uncomfortable with people commenting on her looks and she said that the focus of the prom has shifted from having fun with friends, to what girls are wearing what and how pretty they will look, she didn't want me speaking to the organisers as it would single her out further.
I'm mainly friends with the parents of boys in dds class, and they were not sending their son in tuxedos, dd said a boy who's not in tuxedo will not get the same judging as a girl not in make up and ball gown will. A couple of the boys didn't want to go because it didn't sound fun and they didn't want "dates" so dd felt better at not being the only one not going.
Prom photos appeared online last week and dd was correct, every girl had full on make up, fake tan, false nails, hair done and proper ball gowns, lots of class photo of the girls posing slightly sideways with one hand on head, one hand on hip, pouting etc. Only four boys from dds class went, and appear in only one photo and that's with their "date" Lots of comments about the girls being beautiful young women, how pretty they are, how the dress suits their shape etc etc
As much as I wanted dd to part of the prom, I think she made the right choice in not going, I overheard a convo some parents as they were near me in playground on the following Monday and some of the mums were absolutely horrid about the girls. Saying one girls make up looked "tarty", one of the girls danced like a stripper and the Dad's all had to look away, nasty comments about other mums letting them do that.
It's hard to see her struggle with puberty and a year ago, she'd have to that prom in a tuxedo and not given a shit as she was confident in herself and I'm worried that the more her body changes, the more confidence she loses. I'm not sure how to help her keep that confidence, I don't know anyone who's dd is going through the same to ask for advice, so if anyone has any suggestions I'd be grateful. 90 % of the time! this stuff isn't an issue and she's happy and confident! but I worry that as she gets older, the pressure to be feminine will increase. Someone tell me it won't, please.