You have a beautiful wife

[RudeElf]

This was a FB comment from a Carl Frampton supporter.

You've just gone 12 rounds and been named world champion at something you've dedicated years of your life to.

But congratulations on someone else's appearance.

What the fuck does his wife's appearance have to do with Carl Frampton? Why is that something that he is being praised for?

I know it is tiny in the grand scheme of things but this really pissed me off today for some reason. Feel free to ignore. Just felt like i needed to get that out.

[JeanneDeMontbaston]

How sleazy. I wonder how she feels about that?!

[abbieanders]

You're the best at beating people up and your wife looks nice. What a man!

[RudeElf]

It was actually a woman that made the comment so i dont think there was any element of sleaze, just a genuine compliment but why? Thats what i dont understand. Why is her appearance anything that he should be complimented on?

Not really the point of my post abbie

[whatnow123]

Why not. It's a facebook comment, it doesn't hurt anyone.

[RudeElf]

Why not what? Say it? To someone who had nothing to do with how she looks? Why not pay the compliment to the actual person?

[IShouldBeSoLurky]

It's odd, isn't it? "Congratulations - you must be over the moon and your wife looked so proud!" is one thing. But "You've got a beautiful wife" in the manner of "You've got a lethal right hook"?

[whatnow123]

So it's not the compliment, it's how its phrased. Maybe they didn't know her name, felt like they were talking to Frampton directly or that Frampton would read it.

I've heard people say you have a beautiful wife, handsome husband, gorgeous children etc etc in real life with the other person/people are there. I don't think anything is meant by it.

[RudeElf]

Yes ishould thats it exactly. I mean no-one compliments me on how beautiful my mother is, or my best friend (who is gorgeous) or anyone else who i have relationships with. Even when i was with my Exp i never received praise for how good looking he was. Or even how smart or hard working or technically minded. And certainly not when they were congratulating me on my own personal achievement.

"Congratulations on your promotion rudeelf, your partner is very hansome"

Its odd.

whatnow

No it is the compliment itself.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

I think this is one of those pretty standard patriarchal society things 'well done you, you have achieved a 'beautiful' wife therefore you must be a better man.

Frankly judging anyone by external appearance is complete bullshit anyway, it's hardly an achievement to have acquired a genetic combination which gives you the bone/muscle structure for an aesthetically pleasing appearance.

Because it's considered a thing of intrinsic worth for a woman, as a man 'your' woman is of higher 'value' if she's 'beautiful'.

Such utter shite

[RudeElf]

Yes mykingdom you have hit on it, its congratulating him for pulling a stunner. youve won the boxing title and you own a pretty person.

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Well I have to say I've always felt quite pleased when people have commented on how gorgeous my (male) DP is. Maybe this makes me a very poor feminist. I've never really thought about it.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Exactly, same way they'd get congratulated for owning a nice car. I think it does sometimes happen the other way round but it's so much more ingrained as not only a judgement of women on their 'looks' but as an 'achievement' of a man. I think women may be jealous of another woman who is with an attractive man but there is less of a 'congratultory' air.

It's just so ridiculous when you think about it though! Of all the things to be judged on/praised for, it's one of the few things that we have so little influence over! A person happens to be considered fairly 'attractive' and has a good metabolism. Nothing to do with achievement or effort or learning or practise, nothing. Unless you work hard for a slim figure, but even that is societal, slim is good in some cultures and bad in others. Either way it's bloody irrelevant.

If a man is unattractive but has an attractive partner he is feted. If a woman is unattractive with an attractive partner she will be more likely to receive scorn and he will be looked down upon.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

*congratulatory!

[RudeElf]

Yes i agree with everything you say. I have to be honest i am even a bit uncomfortable when people comment on one or other of the DC's appearance. "Two handsome boys" etc. I had no control over that either! Other than choosing their father i had no control over how my children would look.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Fact is their lives will probably in some ways genuinely be easier for them because of it. Without the downsides that 'attractive' women experience. I guess you have slightly more right to the 'compliment' if it is such, as you did create them. I struggle with it though because it gives value to their aesthetic qualities and I'm just not sure those should have value. But maybe I'm just totally naive, as so much we value is down to aesthetics; art, nature, fashion..

[Cleebope]

His wife is a lovely woman, not a trophy wife at all. This comment will neither offend Carl nor his wife. She was a big part of his life, success and the celebration. It could equally be said to Jessica Ennis Hill for example. Why take offence? I think Abu and too quick to see offence where none is intended or caused.

[Cleebope]

I mean about Jessica's husband or equally another female sports star.

[MyKingdomForBrie]

Because some of those qualities of hers should have been mentioned, not just her appearance! 'You have such a supportive/fantastic/lovely wife, lucky you'

[MishMooshAndMogwai]

What an odd thing to take offence at.

[RudeElf]

I have no concern that his wife would be offended. I am not offended on her behalf. I certainly never implied she was a trophy wife! I am commenting on the oddness of the comment, particularly that it was part of a congratulatory post wrt his winning the title. To me it seemed so out of place. Like i said, her appearance has fuck all to do with anything carl frampton has done. It has no bearing on him winning his title or any of the success he has achieved. I'm in no doubt that she is a big part of his life success and celebration. But her appearance? How is it even relevant in a "well done carl" post? It simply isnt.

What could equally be said to jessica ennis hill? That her husband is beautiful? And would that not seem out of place in a "well done on your sporting acheivement jessica" comment?

[Cleebope]

You are taking fb comments too seriously. Lighten up.

[Cleebope]

Beautiful is not an insult and has many meanings, not just appearance wise. Why be insulted??

[AnnaMarlowe]

I haven't seen the context of comment you are quoting so I can't say although it does seem an odd statement in reaction to a professional accomplishment.

However:

My DH is very handsome. I am regularly complimented on his looks by both women and men.

The DC happily look like their Dad and are cute little people. I generally take compliments on their looks to mean that they look happy, healthy and well presented. And I do contribute to those factors so am happy to take the credit.

[RudeElf]

Forgive me. I mistakenly thought this was a discussion forum. And this particular one a feminist forum. I shall cease to take offence at any and all comments made on FB or elsewhere to save your annoyance at my annoyance.

Or you could just, you know, ignore if you think its stupid.

[AnnaMarlowe]

Erm, wasn't I discussing? I thought I was.

But it is late so maybe I should go to bed instead.