to declare my dad as a sexist pig

(14 Posts)
justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Sun 24-Jan-16 15:26:59

My dad passed away last year. It was and is very upsetting. We didn't have the closest of relationships. Nonetheless, he is my dad.

But venturing onto this topic has reminded me of one his traits and I just had to vent I guess.

My dad could be defined by many characterisations. Sexist was definitely one of them. Did I ever call him sexist? Often. Did he deny being sexist. Every damn time. Why is that by the way? Coward.

We never got into any huge debates about it, there was literally no point. And he always supported me to be ambitious and take no crap from anyone. Even a man. But let me give you some common examples.

1) Women can't drive. 2) Women portrayed as powerful or as some sort of superwoman or in those films where a woman can take down ten men were absolutely ridiculous and embarrassing, not real life (er, most films aren't real life). 3) If he read something in the news where the woman was the victim she probably deserved it (I'm talking husband murdering wife kind of crime - it was said lightly but still!) but if it was the other way round then the man was weak and the woman a bitch. 4) Women who were verbally aggressive wanted to own a pair of balls and lastly 5) there are too many men out there now dominated by women and it's not right.

Does this belong in the feminism chat? I'm not sure as I'm just starting to learn about it. I just find it baffling that I grew up around a man like this, seeing my mum belittled and treated like a skivvy daily and yet I turned out, I hope, with pretty good expectations of how I should be treated by a man, be it my DP or a man in the street. And I definitely am nothing like my mum. Maybe one thing I got from him was my confidence and strength.

Anyone encountered someone like this on a regular basis?

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sun 24-Jan-16 15:29:32

Lots. It's how he was brought up. I'd be more worried if you said these were the opinions of a 30 year old man.

justonesherryformedicinalpurpo Sun 24-Jan-16 16:11:30

Yes that is very true. I wouldn't say I've met many 50 year olds with the same views tbh (friends dads, bosses for example) but then I guess they wouldn't be so open about their views to me.

TheWomanInTheWall Sun 24-Jan-16 16:12:46

Sorry for your loss. Yes, your dad sounds very sexist!

partialderivative Sun 24-Jan-16 17:49:27

This isn't AIBU, but well done. You have declared your dead father a sexist pig.

I hope he left you with enough confidence and strength to carry on.

Woollywendy Sun 24-Jan-16 23:01:00

Not too dissimilar to my dad, who died 30 years ago. In that era, I was also brought up being told that feminists were just loonies who burnt their bras.

Took a while, but I did my own research and would say I've been a feminist for the last 25 years. Enjoy the journey! And condolences for your father. Like mine, he was no doubt a product of his upbringing and environment, attitude not necessarily acceptable, but maybe understandable?

TheWomanInTheWall Sun 24-Jan-16 23:12:20

Someone being dead doesn't make them perfect, partial. Often it's only with distance that we can acknowledge faults in our loved ones.

partialderivative Mon 25-Jan-16 10:37:09

Often it's only with distance that we can acknowledge faults in our loved ones.

Very true; both my parents have died.

But is this a feminist issue?

PalmerViolet Mon 25-Jan-16 11:18:04

Is a father of a daughter being sexist a feminist issue?

I'd suggest that yes, it is.

As is the daughter processing that her recently deceased father a sexist and whether or not that sexist formative relationship has had an effect on her.

TheWomanInTheWall Mon 25-Jan-16 12:25:52

What Palmer said. Of course it is.

drspouse Mon 25-Jan-16 12:53:51

I don't know how old your dad was but my dad is in his 70s and would never have expressed any of these views, even when younger. As with people saying "I can't pull my gran up on the N word because she's 80", well, no, it's not "his era". It's perfectly possible for people brought up in that era not to use this kind of language.

While my dad, and my parents' relationship (now over though friendly) were by no means perfect feminist models, I think it has helped me to be an independent adult woman to have reasonably healthy views expressed by both parents.

TheWomanInTheWall Mon 25-Jan-16 13:01:32

Agree w pp - my 90 something great uncle expressed the "women should wear skirts" view, not my 70 something father

0phelia Mon 25-Jan-16 13:22:06

Luckily in life, you are influenced by everything around you, not just your parents.

Who your parents are in terms of economic position, location, social connections and extreme factors such as are they alcoholic or abusive, are known to have a lasting influence.

However, stupid opinions and personal preferences such as liking crap newspapers/music don't pass down the bloodline.

Your father saying sexist things that you felt free to challenge as a young adult, probably instilled a strong sense of morals in you.

I learned from the dynamic between my own parents not to repeat history and I most definitely have not.

0phelia Mon 25-Jan-16 13:25:38

It's fine to call your late father a sexist pig. So sorry for your loss.
flowers
Do you forgive him?

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