"Is it for a girl or a boy?"

[ZeldaTheWindBreaker]

I popped into Subway today to pick up a kids' pack for my daughter. Got to the till and was asked, "Is it for a boy or a girl?"

I was a bit confused, but after a few moments clicked on to the fact that it was so the assistant could put the food into the 'correct' bag. I was quite uncomfortable and just said it doesn't matter, any would do. Assistant looked at me strangely and said she had to know for stock reasons.

There was a queue of about 6 people behind me (and she was the only staff member in the front of the shop) so I didn't feel as though I could press any sort of point without causing unnecessary inconvenience and extra stress for the assistant.

So i just said girl. And instantly felt annoyed with myself.

The bag is white and has r2d2 on it ...

So not pink and flowery as I was expecting due to her asking if it was for a boy or girl. I wonder what the 'boy' one looks like, if anyone could enlighten me?

My question is - how would you have reacted in this situation if you were me? Baring in mind the poor woman looked stressed out and there was a large queue of people behind you waiting to be served.

I'm still feeling annoyed at myself and wonder if I would have perhaps felt braver to refuse to give my daughter's gender for the sake of 'getting the right bag' if there weren't as many people behind me.

[FannyGlum]

I'd have done the same, I've got myself into arguments in Facebook seeing groups over the same question. Recently a woman was looking for a v-tech camera. Someone asked "is it for a girl or a boy?" I couldn't help myself, so I asked why it mattered did the camera have to operated with genitals?
She pointed out that they come in pink and blue. Sigh, I constantly get told I'm being ridiculous over the question.

[RudeElf]

I knew this would be about subway!

I was in yesterday and a little girl behind me wanted a kids sub. The guy asked "for a girl or boy?" And i almost snapped "what does it matter?" At him i caught myself before i made a complete dick of myself. But seriously. WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

[ZeldaTheWindBreaker]

Sorry, for those not familiar with subway and have no idea what I'm yabbering about - kids' packs always come with a themed bag and usually a little activity book (though i didn't get one of those). The current theme is Star Wars.

This is the bag i was given after telling her it was for a girl. the second one in the top row. Just realised it does have pink in it after all.

[RudeElf]

And yes, the bag he gave her wasnt pink and sparkly. Just white with some character on it. I was

[RudeElf]

Ok so there are 8 bags, why cant they just number the bags on a display screen and say "which bag?"

[Roobix04]

Gah it's like the whole pink and blue kinder egg thing. They were all one colour when I was a kid! I saw a woman tell her granddaughter that she couldn't have one once as there was only "boys" ones left. I visibly winced.
But I probably would have done the same as you op as I have social anxiety and like to end stuff like that as quickly as possible.

[emwithme]

I had this issue in McDonalds. I needed something small and quick at a motorway services and so a chicken nugget happy meal seemed to tick the boxes.

I was asked whether it was for a girl or a boy. I said "I'd like the Hot Wheels please" (because a car is far more fun than a bloody princess) and was asked again "Girl or Boy". They didn't seem to appreciate the response that it was for me and I'd like the car please.

I tweeted McDonalds about it and they said that they should ask "car or princess" (as appropriate)

[ZeldaTheWindBreaker]

Thank you for sharing my annoyance! I also see this over Facebook selling groups a lot. It really, really frustrates me. But i worry I will always look like the fool if i point out how daft it is. Really don't think I could have said anything today in Subway though without causing a riot amongst the hungry people queuing behind me. I'd already taken up lots of the assistant's time as I wanted a bit of everything on mine from the salad bar.

No idea why her boss couldn't have stopped counting his money at the till for a moment to shove on some gloves and help her out.

[VashtaNerada]

I've had this in McDonalds before (they tried girl/boy Happy Meals once and it got such bad publicity they never did it again). I gave her the Paddington Bear hard stare and asked what the choice was. She just repeated "girl or boy" so I said "no, what choice of toy is there?". We got there in the end.
I just can't let it go nowadays, I once reprimanded a woman in a toy shop for calling Lego Friends 'Girl Lego'. DH was mortified

[VashtaNerada]

x-post emwithme

[Roobix04]

My sister argued with a woman in primark when she helpfully pointed out that the pj's she was buying my dd were boys pj's and therefore unsuitable. She had bought a pack of pink vests and blue pj's. Her boyfriend sloped off as she had a quick rant

[RudeElf]

Oh yes i see lots of "anyone selling a boy's pram" on FB. I sit on my hands a lot to avoid being banned from selling pages.

[NameChange30]

I remember going to McDonald's when I was a child (in the late 80s/early 90s) and they always had Happy Meals "for girls" or "for boys". I remember being unimpressed with my "girl" toy and going up to ask for the "boy" one! How tragic that this is still a thing. If I came across it I'm sure I'd struggle not to be snappy!

[MrsTerryPratchett]

It's still a think in McD's in Canada. I always ask, "what are the toys". DD looks then chooses. Not my fault they waste their time asking about sex when they could ask, "pony or car?".

[ICJump]

I ask for a babychino in a local cafe. They asked if it was for a boy or a girl. I was a but taken a back and said boy. Out come a blue cup with blue sprinkle. I just don't get it. I mean it's hot milk.

[KeyserSophie]

I find myself posting this a lot on idiotic FB threads about how girls are genetically programmed to like pink shit, but boys shouldnt touch it in case they catch the gay.

[SevenOfNineTrue]

It is tough for the assistants. While you are all annoyed at being asked, they get grief from other parents if you offer both options when the child is either clearly a boy or girl.

Assistant asks the mother of a little girl 'girl option or boy option', mother replies 'girl obviously! Why would she want a boys toy?' and huffs off.

Assistants can't win.

[StitchesInTime]

I went to McDonald's with my boys yesterday and we were just handed Happy Meals with only questions about the type of food / drink we wanted with them.

I had no idea that they had separate girl / boy themed ones (the toy was about the Peanuts movie anyway so fairly generic for either sex)

[VashtaNerada]

If you're in the UK they only tried it once recently Stitches (Barbie/Hot Wheels) and the publicity was really awful, it hasn't happened again!
I don't think it's hard for assistants at all to say "pink or blue?" or "Barbie or Hot Wheels?". It's much, much easier surely

[GreenTomatoJam]

We had this in Macdonalds once - they didn't ask girl or boy though - just said 'which toy' - DS1 picked Barbie, and DS2 picked Skylanders, and no-one minded. (DS was feeling that he had enough male dolls, and was quite taken with the mini-barbie's hair. DS2 had noticed that the skylander had a shield that shot off, so wanted that).

I guess it depends on the management of the particular store, but can certainly be fixed if they want.

I've always just asked what the difference is if someone asked me boy or girl, then let the kids choose based on that, but having a 2 year old bouncing up and down yelling for the pink one (he's in that phase), generally distracts the assistant and the queue behind enough that no-one gets annoyed.

[onahorsewithnoname]

I really struggle with this, not just the gendered toys shite, but boys actually have to be taught not to like pink.
I haven't taught DS, so at 4 1/2 he's still a fan.

[emwithme]

Re McDonalds - I worked there in the mid 90s while doing my A Levels. I'm not sure whether it was just the manager at the store I worked at, or whether it was corporate policy, but whenever there was a choice of Happy Meal toy, we were told to name the toys (eg "Barbie or Hot Wheels") rather than specify boy or girl. I think that's why it rankled so much to be asked whether I wanted a boy or girl toy 20 years later, and really does show how much more gendered the world is for children now than it was when I was growing up, which is disappointing.

Re: Rey - My over-riding thought about her in the film was that her clothing was appropriate for the tasks she was undertaking and her hair was sensible and tied back! I'm sick of seeing female action leads doing what they're doing in high heels, evening clothes (or less) and flowy hair all over the place. It annoys me that they never have to stop what they're doing because their hair has got in their face or caught up in a door as they fling themselves through it dramatically.

[DeAtHnOtE]

I will soon be giving away some baby stuff on my local free baby-stuff page. I KNOW it shouldn't bother me, but if anyone asks girl or boy, a little part of me wants to not give them anything. I was given my pram for free from one of these pages, didn't know what colour it we got it. (Beggars can't be choosers and ffs how is a blue pram going to affect a baby girl?)

It just doesn't matter.

Don't start me on the maternity nurse who asked 'Who's baby is that?' when I was holding DD on the ward in a blue sleepsuit. Fucking muppet

[LassWiTheDelicateAir]

Ok so there are 8 bags, why cant they just number the bags on a display screen and say "which bag?"

Quite - who were the other 7 for?

OP, perhaps write to Subway suggesting assistants should ask "which bag would you like? " (Although a choice of 8 might lead to excessive dithering)

Giving the assistant a lecture on gender politics would have been unfair.
.