Equality at work after babies

[LittleMamaCleo]

Right, why is a woman going back to work soon after having a baby such a problem? Seriously. If we treat women who zoom back to work- as either super-mums or hit the other end of the scale say it's a cover for post natal depression, then how will women with children ever be equal in the workplace?

And it's other women who will judge you on returning to work too quickly, not your male colleagues.

I have been on the receiving end of various comments about my return to work! And most of the positive ones are from men or women without children. The worst cultprets of this negativity were mums in their late thirties or older.

The amount of judgement I got for returning to work was waaaaay worse than what I thought I'd be judged on -being young parents.

I've been told by multiple women that I don't have to work. They will insist I go on tax credits and housing benifit and income support and get a council flat all so I can spend the magical first year of babies life at his side 24/7! I went back to work eight weeks after having my baby. My partner works a little but he is a student, so he usually only made about half of my salary.

In the month after bringing baby home I suffered low moods. I was taken to doctors and I spoke to support workers and they all wanted to label me with post natal depression! I wasn't sad due to my hormones!!! I was frustrated because my maternity pay was minuscule and we were living on a about 60% of what I had been used to.

My dad and boyfriend were both against me going back to work (that's the only reason I didn't return immediately) but after explaining it was 100% the reason I was suffering low moods they agreed. We set up some childcare for Little One and I was happy to return to work.

I must stress that all higher memebers of staff were encouraging. But right before my very first shift I experienced the first discrimination. A woman I work with walked into the bathroom were I was doing my make up pre-shift and very rudely pronounced 'What are you doing back?' Followed by an group convo on all the tax credits me and my partner could go on the prevent me working any more than two days a week. I am, as I explained to them, getting working tax credits, the thing that didn't go down well is that I am doing the majority of the hours.

Mix all this in with women telling me I should be grateful I get a whole year of maternity and back in their day they couldn't afford it or it wasn't available. And how they hated having to leave their kids to work.

It's ridiculous. I love working, and I love motherhood. And at this point in my life I would like to do both! Why judge? My child is healthy and happy. And the majority of the time I'm at work he's with my partner anyway! And on the days he has to go to day care he loves it! He gets to meet other babies and have women fuss over him all afternoon.

Arghhh. I guess, what I'm trying to say is every bodies situation is different! And in my situation my employment is a godsend, it keeps me happy and keeps our bills at bay. Is it so horrendous that I can bare the thought of leaving my child for a small portion of his day?

Men will never ever be openly judged if they don't wish to take paternity leave. All the focus on women not having to work just reinforces the whole mother being the main care giver picture! I honestly feel like a much better mother if I go out and work then come home to my baby knowing I can provide for him.

Our parenting is as equal as it can be, I work my shifts around Jacobs shifts and classes. We both have plenty of one on one time with the baby.

To be honest I think a woman should be able to work as and when she chooses after the birth. Some women need more time to heal if their were complications or a Caesarian for example. But if you feel healthy and you'd like to go back to work why does it have to be such taboo.

[ALassUnparalleled]

I'm sorry you are experiencing this. It's not something I've encountered- the expectation in my profession is women will go back to work.

It's really no-one's business but yours and your employer. And I would imagine many employers will be very happy to have an employee back so quickly. If it suits you and them it's really a matter for you and them.

I went back full time when my son was 2 months' old.

[jclm]

This is different from your experience but I know a couple of women who've returned to work very early, to help them with PND. It's worked very well for them and actually saves their marriages and family lives. I returned to work after 6 months but wanted to return earlier

[ALassUnparalleled]

Er you might want to ask MN hq to amend your post. You have named your partner. It's generally best not to have any real life information. You can report your own post and ask them.

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Sorry you are having a rough time. I've no experience of this. It was expected I went back to work but I did take a lot longer off than you.

I think would judge a man who didn't take time off after the birth of their child. the reality is all my friends and colleagues have taken time off though

[WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid]

Also should say I probably shouldn't judge (if I knew money was really tight and he couldn't afford it, I guess that would be different).

[Lurkedforever1]

I don't think it's because you've gone back to work. I think the same people judging you would have judged if you'd stayed at home on benefits/ with a rich partner/ gone back at 6 months/ age 1/ at school age/ if you got your figure back quickly/ if you didn't get your figure back quickly. Basically whatever was different to them. Because by doing something different to what they would they take it as a slur on their judgement, so they judge you as justification of their decisions. People who want to judge will do it anyway.

[mimimudpie]

Not something I encountered. I was a young mum who was back at 2 weeks after birth. Never had anything other than support.