i thought of you guys last night, and i come here slightly.. ashamed I'm not sure if that's the right word but i have dismissed you lot before and thought i would never seek consolidation here but here I am because last night i spent a long time crying and desperately hurt and upset and one of the only things that made me feel better was that maybe you guys would be this upset as well.
I have two dc, 5yrs and 6 weeks old, my dp works full time we're not on benefits but i am at home being a full time mum atm, currently with both as it's half term.
Yesterday i was checking my fb quickly when i saw my DP had shared a post, it was in meme style (that old pic of willy wonka guy) it said something along the lines of "So you consider yourself a full time yummymummy? more like a spunkbucket on the dole you ugly cunt." which of course had thousands of comments with people finding it hilarious. It hit me like a kick in the stomach.
DP insisted he didn't mean to share it and although he initially did find it funny when he saw i was upset he removed it and posted an apology and apologised but I admit this really hit me hard i know it's because of my own issues as well with self esteem and self worth atm but i found this so disgusting that people (men and women) could describe a mum like this and laugh about it.. it really hurts
That's disgusting and very telling of his maturity levels. I bet his defence was "it's not about women like you "
I would be gutted too.
i was ready to post that you were being unreasonable and its a word i use for a good looking man but in that context it is vile!
at least these sort of posts highlight the ignorant misogynistic fuckwits on our fb feeds so i guess they serve a purpose.
I'm not surprised you felt hurt.
I'm glad he apologised and took it down.
indeed. but an opportunity for the op to tell him that is how it would appear to others.
These things are the sort of thing that people post because its "bad". My DP can be a bit like that and say things just to press peoples buttons. It's done in such a way people know he is joking but some things are a step too far and that sort of thing on his fb feed would get a virtual slap
lmao - i shall tell him this!!! he really isn't an arsehole honest
i should clarify that its done openly just to get that "you're terrible muriel" gasp and people who know him know this and still love him. However i do worry that some people would consider him, well, abit of an arsehole and often tell him to rein it in.
when i first brought it up he laughed and didn't think i was being that serious. Then he said some women are like that though (as in do just have kids for the money) i said that's not true and reminded him his best friend is a single mum on benefits.
The real problem came when we were eating dinner as i was still upset about it, and upset at him because he had been grabbing at me and being disengaged when i was trying to chat. I brought it up again because it was still bothering me, he interrupted me and said what rubbish are you going to come out with now, i said "you know, if we were dating or something and i saw you shared that i would probably
definitely split up with you." he told me to grow up and that really upset me.
Over the course of the evening it escalated into a bad argument and i spent the whole evening crying and upset. I should add though i know it's not justification but we do normally have a good relationship, he's stressed and in a bad mood after work and he did later say he was very sorry and wanted to talk to me and make it up but i didn't want to know.
he doesn't make rape jokes he feels strongly about rape and supported me through a historic sexual abuse report i had to do last year, he said he probably either accidentally clicked on it scrolling on his phone or meant to like it not share
"Says things just to press people's buttons" is a euphemism for "enjoys being an arsehole" imo.
^ This. People who try to 'get a rise' out of other people or say things to 'press people's buttons' are usually dreadful attention-seekers. They also usually say things like "I'm not being rude but...", "it's just banter...", "can't you take a joke..." And "I say it how it is".
i know some people find it funny to attack others and it makes them feel better to do it but this really struck me hard probably because im feeling vulnerable and very sympathetic for other mums atm but in terms of dp i've been trying to help him through a bad time atm, putting my own problems aside and trying my best to pick him up and help him feel better/valued etc, but what he doesn't know is i'm secretly suicidal and this just felt like he's taking advantage of me and feeling entitled to pick on me and then just say sorry, but i don't think he realises how fragile i am. i wanted to report the post but quickly remembered fb doesn't give a shit and i don't think it's reportable anyway
Without derailing the thread too much.
I understand what you are both saying about people who say things to get a rise out of people but it can also start a healthy debate and be educational.
Cross posts. sorry NK. That's awful. Sorry to hear that
no i can't speak to anyone, i'm ok. I guess though that when any of these idiots actually become parents they'll realise how hard and important it is being a mum, and my dps jst a twat because it's not like he finds it easy just looking after the kids on his own for an hour let alone full time!
Sorry to hear how low you're feeling op.
Would you feel able to have a chat with gp? Do you have any family or friends you can lean on?
Maybe put this behind you until you feel a bit stronger in yourself. Taking care of a young baby can be so tough.
I don't know how calling mums spunk buckets is the start of a healthy debate but hey...
OP he sounds very disrespectful of you. I'm glad he has taken it down at least.
Milde nobody ever had a healthy 2-way, respectful discussion that started out with someone bring deliberately provocative.
JFR- I wasn't defending OP's DP.
BP- nobody ever? In the history of the world?
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