What shouldn't men say to women about gender issues?

(39 Posts)
QuiteIrregular Fri 01-May-15 15:57:51

I was wondering if people would mind giving me a quick insight into a question I've had conversations about with friends recently: what are the infuriating things men who think they "get" feminism say to women? Not the straight-out anti-feminist "women have no problems in the West" or "feminism is sexist against men", but the stuff that comes from thinking they understand, but haven't really?

I put a post on my blog about this, suggesting these as a starting list I'd heard female friends complain about:

"I find strong women really attractive"
"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."
Feminism is so great, but it would appeal to more people if it focused more on real equality, not just on what women want. Then it would really take off globally."
"That might have sounded sexist, but actually I’m a feminist."

People have also suggested "Are you sure he meant it like that?", "Wow, how inappropriate! I would never do thing like that!" Are there similar or equivalent things from your experience?

ApocalypseThen Fri 01-May-15 17:50:00

"If you looked at it logically, you'd understand." There's nothing worse than dismissing someone's experience and claiming you're soon it because you've access to this special male trait.

shaska Fri 01-May-15 17:57:22

oooohhhh Apocalypse the logic thing sends me round the bend.

Especially as I'm actually good at logic, in the classic sense. But they never mean actual logic. They mean 'look at it like a man. like me! me!'

BuffyNeverBreaks Fri 01-May-15 17:58:13

Aren't those conclusions ideologically motivated, rather than objective? (see also anonymous PLoS ONE reviewer, oops).

Why are you so invested in dismissing the evidence that male and female brains are just different? (i.e. males are more intelligent)

Ha ha, I am just a simple bloke, I can't possibly be expected to understand this.

You are probably reading too much into it.

You are scary.

Why are you so emotional about it?

Look, men and women are just different, why are you saying we're all the same? (oh yeah, bet you won't want to stick to that point if I start talking about sexual violence, will you! Men won't be some homogeneous mass who all behave exactly alike because hormones then will they?) hmm

BuffyNeverBreaks Fri 01-May-15 17:58:32

That was quite cathartic, thank you grin

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 01-May-15 17:58:38

"You’re not like other girls, they’re all so obsessed with makeup and appearance and what men want. You’re different."
"Real women have curves. Those models all look like teenage boys, ugh."

These two are bang on!

Will see if I can think of any more. I don't have many feminist convos in real life so probably don't hear too much of this sort of thing.

AnyFucker Fri 01-May-15 18:03:22

You should be flattered when men wolf whistle and catcall you

grimbletart Fri 01-May-15 18:08:04

Here's the killer one: "As a mere man….."

JennyOnTheBlocks Fri 01-May-15 18:10:35

'but if you're in a relationship, it doesn't matter who earns the most'

<unclenches fist>

TeiTetua Fri 01-May-15 18:14:56

"But she still might have consented."

ZuluInJozi Fri 01-May-15 18:25:45

Not all men are misogynists
It's sexist to say I can't be a feminist

sourdrawers Fri 01-May-15 18:31:45

So blokes are incapable of really believing any of those things? Rather cold and cynical this thread, no?

Yops Fri 01-May-15 18:36:07

Anything grin

BuffyNeverBreaks Fri 01-May-15 18:36:58

Oh Yops grin

TheCowThatLaughs Fri 01-May-15 18:40:14

"Hi, man here. Just popping onto the threas to give a male viewpoint"

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 Fri 01-May-15 18:41:46

sourdrawers I'm sure men believe those things but OP is talking about men who say they are "on board" with feminism and so men who claim that to say those things is somewhat off the mark and <head desk>

cailindana Fri 01-May-15 19:27:52

"None of my female friends have ever experienced that/felt that way" (implication: you are making it up and I know more about women's experiences that you do).
"I think feminism should be about...[something other than what women think it should be about]
"You're not looking at this rationally" (implication: I am so much more rational than you are because I am man, therefore I am able to say how things are and you're not).
"Yes but women do lie about rape, don't they..."
"I don't have any sexist attitudes, I never have."
"You can resist all those stereotypes though, unlike other women..."

cailindana Fri 01-May-15 19:28:35

I think you're missing the point of the thread slightly sourdrawers.

AnyFucker Fri 01-May-15 19:33:36

Hey sourdrawers, you know that only women get called names like that, yeah ?

along with nagging, uptight, frigid etc

Bluestocking Fri 01-May-15 19:36:04

"Women are so much better at multitasking - we men can only do one thing at a time!"

uglyswan Fri 01-May-15 19:48:05

"Yes, but let me play Devil's advocate for one moment here..."
<surreptitiously kicks Yops>

SomebodysRealName Fri 01-May-15 21:51:23

But we've achieved equality now, haven't we?

SomebodysRealName Fri 01-May-15 21:59:16

Oh I've got the wrong end of the stick haven't I; I don't know why because I read your blog piece this morning! I don't think I actually know any men who get it or even think they get it.

sourdrawers Sat 02-May-15 11:24:54

Maybe I have callind But maybe what you want it to mean feels a bit mean and nasty to me. You can take any remark and create a context for it that confirms your cynicism can't you? Carry on though, clearly I'm lacking.....

AskBasil Sat 02-May-15 11:44:47

"I just see everyone equally and treat them all the same. I'm sorry you don't feel able to do that"

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