Hi,
I lurk on FWR all the time (though most of my MN activity is mostly lurking, to be fair, I am not a prolific member). I have posted under a different name for various lighthearted things and a few not very serious AIBU threads, and in Relationships under this name, but I think I have only posted once or twice, and then it was a short contribution. I haven't really engaged with the discussions, though it is probably my second most read section after Relationships (I don't tend to bother with AIBU these days).
I absolutely consider myself to be a feminist and agree with the vast, vast majority of things the feminists of this board argue. I think people saying it's cliquey, too snobby and intellectual etc are being unfair, I don't get that impression at all. I have learned a lot from these boards - if I see something I don't know about I don't feel all stupid and like I am being excluded from a gang, I go and teach myself about it and read more if I am interested. For example, I had no idea what TERF meant until a couple of months ago, now I do.
I have also found that reading a lot here, even if I don't engage with other posters, has really helped me to cement and articulate the way I feel about feminist issues. Before I would get really offended by things, the non-feminist would be amused by this and only see it as ammunition to wind me up more, and I would end up just exploding with rage but feeling unable to channel it. Now I know a bit more about theory, different issues going on all over the world etc, I feel more confident in arguing my point. I am still inwardly at people who try to justify misogyny to me but I now feel a bit more equipped to handle it in a way that won't make me feel insane, and this board has been a big big contributor to me getting to this stage.
However, I do kind of get what people are saying about feeling that they are always jumped on for toeing the party line (even if I think it isn't usually true).
There was a thread a couple of days ago that mentioned X Factor dancers. I love dance with a massive passion (though only as a hobby, I am a thousand country miles away from a pro), and I have taken classes taught by quite a few dancers who have been on X Factor, in pop videos etc, so I have seen the way they work first hand. I wanted to put my thoughts across but I didn't feel like I could - I logged in, started typing, but then abandoned it because it felt futile. I was never going to convince the naysayers. Anyone that put a counter argument across was told they were wrong - the female dancers served no purpose other than decoration. One person they may have worked hard but there are thousands of dancers who probably worked hard and didn't get as far because they aren't attractive or rich like the ones that do make it - I thought this was really unfair - I've not known many dancers who come from an over-priviliged background, and it is a notoriously badly paid profession so they really have to be quite dedicated and determined to get to where they are. And yes they are attractive but a lot of it is costume and make-up - they are not otherworld beauties like a supermodel, and the fit body comes with the territory - they have good bodies because of the job, not the other way round. The clothes - yes some outfits are skimpy but so are some men's ones (I don't watch X Factor much, but on Strictly a lot of the male pros are topless for titillation - it's a bit of entertainment and fun, and it looks good). Dancers are supposed to be visually appealing, it's a performing art. Don't get me wrong, things like the Blurred Lines video are quite horrible, but not every single skimpy outfit has to be seen as objectification. Also (and I am sure there are many people who can pick this apart as a poor argument, but anyway), girlbands have male dancers who are topless, who they have on leashes in their videos etc...
I totally get that historically, it has been much worse for women, that culture is infested with misogyny and stuff, but sometimes I just want to enjoy watching a dancer, male or female, do their thing without feeling like a bad feminist because of it. And I think it's really unfair that if someone comes along and says "hang on, those dancers are really hard working professionals who have trained for decades and have immense skill", the response is "I don't care, they are essentially lowering them self to nothing more than a Christmas bauble and they are being exploited". So I do think some posters can be a bit dismissive of alternative points of view, and that can feel quite patronising.
I also don't feel too keen on posting because a lot of the goady people really wind me up and I think I would find it too upsetting to try and argue back with them. Though I admire those who do have the patience to do it.
This hasn't been the most coherent argument I have ever put together, maybe that bit I said earlier about being able to articulate my thoughts was wrong. I really like this board, but I can see why the people who don't enjoy it feel that way.