Reported workmen harassing women - it was taken seriously...

[Notmymonkeys]

...so why do I feel like I'm making a fuss about nothing?

We're having work done on our roof starting tomorrow. The scaffolding went up on Saturday, but they came back today to put a sign up and finish a few bits and pieces. I arrived home while they were working.

I parked my car across the street, and as I had a fair bit of baggage and a baby, it took me a little while to get out of the car. I noticed one of the workmen say something to a woman passing by, who looked a bit embarrassed and kept walking. Then as I was crossing the road they shouted something at another two women passing by. I walked toward the gate, and one of them turned to me and started to say something (it's unlikely they would have recognised me as I wasn't around much on Saturday). I cut him off with my best 'teacher' glare and told him to please stop harassing women outside my house.

He denied he had done it, said he was just talking to his mate, I (shaking) put my key in the lock and went inside, slamming the door behind me. I could hear them banging about outside for another half hour, and I just felt horrible. Vulnerable and scared and sad

Anyway, I called DP to have a rant. He said it was totally out of order, and called the roofer, who completely agreed, and called the scaffolding company, who also agreed and promised that they took it very seriously and would deal with it. The roofer is on his way here to apologise to me in person.

So all the (men) I have reported this to have taken this seriously and been very clear that they consider it unacceptable and have dealt with it. Which is great.

So why do I feel like a silly little girl making a fuss about nothing?

Patriarchy really does a number on us doesn't it?

[MrsBloodcurdlingScrEames]

Maybe it's because you didn't actually hear them say anything offensive. Maybe they were asking for the time? or directions?

[scallopsrgreat]

Yes it does. You did good though. It is a big deal because it goes back to male entitlement and the fact that they think women are on the planet for men's entertainment.

You also felt intimidated in your own home and that is pretty serious.

They didn't have to make those remarks. They chose to.

[slightlyglitterstained]

Why on earth would they be shouting at women to give them the time? Why would the first woman have looked embarrassed about something like that?

What do we need to pull someone up on unacceptable behaviour - video evidence and signed confessions? They will have previous form if this is how they normally behave. Great demonstration of why the OP would feel uncomfortable reporting.

[Notmymonkeys]

Yes I'm sure. They weren't making particularly offensive comments, just 'now then love' 'how you doing gorgeous' kind of thing. They didn't say anything to any men (it's a busy street with plenty of passersby).

It's the kind of thing that makes me feel uncomfortable when it happens to me. Plus they were ten feet up the side of my house.

[scallopsrgreat]

It doesn't have to be offensive. It is still harassment. They didn't have any requirement to say anything to those women yet they chose to single them out (above men) for their special treatment. To interrupt them going about their day, just because they could.

[messyisthenewtidy]

Well done. You made a difference.

[rememberingnothing]

I expect because you don't want to relive how you felt as you walked into your house shaking and feeling vunerable.

Our responses often help us minimise something horrible that has happened to us - I'm sure the other women they embarrassed today will also do their best to shake it off and not let it get to them, but why the hell should they or you have to.

You've done a good thing.

[Notmymonkeys]

I completely agree with you scallops and slightly and I would say the same to another woman and encourage her to report.

And yet I only reported it essentially at dp's insistence (actually he did it for me). It's like deep down I really believe that men have the right to do this and we should just put up with it, even though on every other level I vehemently believe the opposite.

I'm not sure I'm doing a very good job of explaining myself!

[Notmymonkeys]

Thank you for the thank yous

[SevenZarkSeven]

You have done a good thing.

And I know exactly what you mean. We are strongly conditioned to ignore, overlook or minimise this type of behaviour (and worse) and it is incredibly hard to overcome that.

[SirChenjin]

Good for you for reporting it - it's utterly childish but very intimidating behaviour. I'm glad it's been taken seriously.

[RiverTam]

well done for saying something, and well done DH for contacting the company. I think I would have been shaking too.

I hate to tar an entire industry with the same brush, but I've found scaffolders to be the absolute worst at this kind of thing, they appear to be completely unreconstructed neanderthals. I hate hate hate walking past them. I really hope this lot get the absolute bollocking they deserve. It's probably too much to expect the roofing company to stop using them, but hopefully they can accept that they need to make it crystal clear to anyone they subcontract work to that this kind of think will not be tolerated.

PMSL that they might have been asking for directions or the time. Yeah, right.

[SevenZarkSeven]

So they listened when your make dp rang and complained.

I must admit I was surprised it was taken seriously, immediately, by so many groups of people!

Maybe I am being overly negative or cynical with that though.

[Lottapianos]

Good work OP, be proud of yourself. I'm so glad that the company are taking it seriously. Go easy on yourself - as women, we're conditioned to doubt ourselves especially when it comes to emotional responses. And its not so very long ago that everyone probably would have told you to get over yourself for having a problem with this.

But think about your DP's response, the response from the company and most of the responses you have had on this thread. You were right to trust your gut and well done for acting on it.

[SevenZarkSeven]

Male dp not make dp!

Hate autocorrect!

[Notmymonkeys]

That's an interesting point seven. Obviously I don't know whether it would have been taken as seriously if I had made the call rather than dp. I can only hope it would, but I fear not.

The roofer has been round and was extremely apologetic. I said that I hadn't heard exactly what they said and his immediate response was 'it doesn't matter, they shouldn't be doing it'. I got the impression that he 'gets it' and I know dp does too.

[MrsBloodcurdlingScrEames]

I'm just pointing out she didn't actually hear anything. If she heard them being offensive of course she should report them,but in these circumstances I wouldn't have because I wouldn't be able to pin point my upset.

Hopefully if they were in the wrong the women who were shouted at reported them too to give a clearer picture of what went on.

[Nojacketrequired]

OP, well done. Don't be hard on yourself. Many people, men and women, avoid confrontation. You pushed on through and acted positively. A lot of men would walk away from this situation too, and I don't think we'd necessarily blame that on conditioning.

Also, there can be a certain disposition towards negativity here, at times. Be happy that you achieved something. Be happy that some men see fit to take your discomfort seriously. Small victories and all that

[ItsNotEasyBeingGreenAndWarty]

I have never forgotten how a team of builders made me feel at 18 years old with nothing more than a 'Hello gorgeous, have you got a boyfriend? You've got great legs.' I felt awful, I was afraid, I felt intimidated. It doesn't have to be rude or aggressive to intimidate. If you're sure this is what they were doing OP then I am glad you reported them. It's not acceptable and women shouldn't be subjected to it.

[Notmymonkeys]

I have been verbally harassed many, many more times than I could count, since the age of about twelve. I can imagine there are many women who haven't.

This is the first time I have ever really done something about it, and I only did it because a) it happened in my own home, and b) dp made me.

That's the bit that makes me go

[Notmymonkeys]

Can't imagine!