So, not everyone's a feminist

(206 Posts)
Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 10:37:39

Plasterer arrived today for the first of four days. I am working from home but everyone else is out.

So far we've had,

"You're not one of these modern women are you?" - don't know, not sure what that means.

"Are you a feminist?" - "Of course I am, aren't you?".

elephanteraser Mon 18-Aug-14 10:39:04

lol at modern women, was he in his 80s?

Purpleflamingos Mon 18-Aug-14 10:43:40

I love pointing out that everyone is a feminist. Even to teenage women that say they are not. My favourite lines are;

Do you feel you are entitled to hold an opinion and have it heard? - feminism was responsible for that.
Do you chose your own clothes and feel you should be able to walk down the street safely no matter how short your dress? - feminism was responsible for that.
Would you like to be married at 12 to a man chosen for you and possibly die in childbirth with the desicion as to whether you had access to drugs or medical care was your husbands and not yours? - feminism changes those conditions.

They walk away with something to think about.

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 10:58:00

The rest of the conversation then went like this,

Him, "Are you a feminist?"
Me, "Of course I am, aren't you?"
Him, "No"
Me, "Don't you believe that me and you should have the same opportunities in life"
Him, with conviction, "Yes".
Me, "Well, that's all feminism is at the end of the day. Men and women should have the same opportunities".

(Did I do ok sisters?).

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 12:19:30

Latest snippet, "I only use computers for one thing, looking at porn. That's all they're good for".

weeonion Mon 18-Aug-14 12:22:15

Urrrrgh at his last comment.

Poor you.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:26:40

Does he work for a company? If so, I'd make a formal complaint against him based on that last comment. And ask them to send someone else.

It's not appropriate at work, particularly if you're working in people's homes and dealing with the public.

If he is a one-man band, I'd just sack him and explain why. You're paying for his services, you don't have to listen to this shit.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:27:39

I don't talk about porn when dealing with colleagues, and they'd have every right to complain if I did

Swingball Mon 18-Aug-14 12:30:45

Eeew I don't like the sound of him at all! Don't have him back

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 12:36:05

I must say that that last comment, and one about "Ooh, cracking the whip" as I walked away has left me pissed off. When I started this thread it was a bit eye-rolling and light hearted. Now I feel uncomfortable.

For info - he's a one-man band, shouldn't be here long and I just want him get finished.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:38:13

I would sack him.

I would feel uncomfortable in the circumstances you describe. And he's doing it deliberately.

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 12:45:35

Yes, I think you're right. I think he sees himself as a wind-up merchant. I have electricians and plumbers booked for the end of the week, so am reluctant to sack him when I can avoid him.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:45:44

Shitty men, whether guys like this , acquaintance-rapists, emotional abusers etc... rely on women not wanting to make a fuss.

You're paying for the service. You have the right to make a fuss. Do you think he'd behave like that to a man?

weeonion Mon 18-Aug-14 12:45:48

Yeuch OP, he sounds grim.

Make a phone call - real or pretend within his earshot to say that you have a workman there who feels it is ok to totally overstep boundaries, he is making you uncomfortable, you can't wait for him to leave and gou wont be using nor recommending him in future. End this call with saying what time you hope he is gone by and you will ring this person then to let them know that you are ok / safe.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:46:22

(Cross post)

NigellasPeeler Mon 18-Aug-14 12:49:00

sack him and get a woman in to do the job

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:51:48

There are loads of times that I didn't make a fuss and should have, which I regret. I wish I'd had the confidence I have now when I was younger.

sad

It is difficult if you feel like you can't sack him, but you could say, after the next comment "I don't appreciate comments like that. While you're working in my home, don't make them." Don't say 'please', make it a command.

If he does it again. "I have told you not to make comments like that. Do you want to finish this job or not?"

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 12:54:06

NB: a man wouldn't say 'please' or 'ask' as opposed to just telling him. I know it goes against the grain, but you're paying him for a service and don't need to phrase it as an optional request.

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 12:57:02

Oh, I did that JustThe. I put my mum-not-taking-prisoners face on, lowered my voice and said something like, "That's your own business, but we don't make comments like that in this house" and then allowed him to fill the silence.

(Do you think this means I don't have to sack him?).

tribpot Mon 18-Aug-14 12:57:06

I'd feel very uncomfortable being alone in a house with a man who felt entitled to make those kinds of comments. I appreciate you just want the work finished and to get him out, but that is indeed what he is banking on.

He's meant to be there for four days - I couldn't stomach it.

weeonion Mon 18-Aug-14 13:01:51

Oh,I missed that he was to be there for 4 days!! I thought he was only in today.

JustTheRightBullets Mon 18-Aug-14 13:03:50

Good to hear it Vivacia :-)

Vivacia Mon 18-Aug-14 13:08:35

Reflecting on other comments he has made, I am wondering why I didn't spot it before - something amiss.

I guess I thought something was out of the ordinary otherwise I wouldn't have started this thread. Ok, I have things in perspective thanks to you lot - this is my house and he's here to do a job. I am not a challenge, I am not a woman who needs breaking in.

antimatter Mon 18-Aug-14 13:12:59

Tell him - because I am such modern women I am holding back 10% of the payment I owe you in case something which job you've just finished goes wrong {there's some law about it, you could look it up}

CKDexterHaven Mon 18-Aug-14 13:14:43

I've become determined to seek out female handypeople after too much crap like this. For every lovely plumber or plasterer I've had at my house there's been one who's talked to me in a way I know he'd never talk to a man. They charge women double as well.

Please, please, please let more women go into these trades so they're easier to find.

I suppose the flipside is if you're a female plumber you have to go into the homes of men who regale you with their uncomfortable line of conversation.

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