Clothes Shopping and Body Image

[CKDexterHaven]

I hate clothes shopping. To me it's not a day of pampering and self-expression but a pain in the bum. On another thread someone quoted Germaine Greer as saying 'If the shoe doesn't fit change the shoe not the foot'. Obviously this was a metaphor for something else but it got me thinking about how clothes shopping makes us feel aberrant and as if we need to change our bodies, rather than demand that manufacturers make more realistic clothing.

In my own case -

1 - Short jeans and trousers are too short, long ones are too long, but the regular ones also trail 2 inches on the floor. I'm 5ft 7" but sometimes think of myself as short because trousers never fit me. I think trousers are made with the assumption that women will wear them heels but who takes the dog for a walk in jeans and heels FFS?

2 - People with nets don't chase after me when I leave footprints in the snow and yet footwear manufacturers seem to feel I am a yeti. I have size 7 feet and find that virtually all shoes are too narrow for me. I am thus shepherded to the specialist 'wide-fit' selection and yet, when I look at my feet they don't seem that exceptional.

3 - I go in at the waist and out at the breasts and hips. Blouses that fit my waist won't do up over my breasts. Dresses that fit my hips and breasts look baggy and bunched at the waist. I am told that I have an 'old-fashioned' figure and that women now are 'athletic' and go straight up and down. I am the body equivalent of Jacob Rees Mogg, born 60 years too late and doomed never to fit into a world of athletes not aesthetes.

So that's it, I'm short, wide-footed and old-fashioned. I guess it's some kind of weird economics - clothing manufacturers have worked out they make more money from selling clothes that fit the bodies women are told they should have, rather than the bodies they do have.

[Sleepwhenidie]

I think you (as in most of us) really need to search around to find the shops/labels that cut clothes to suit our proportions and our taste. It can take time but is worth it once you know where will be reliable. This also ties in with GG philosophy . How widely have you searched OP?

[Sleepwhenidie]

Oh and on the jeans, I think most of us need to make adjustments to the length, find the ones that fit well and suit you and it's easy enough to sort out too long legs!

[Sleepyfergus]

You are clearly shopping in he wrong shops. I know you don't like shopping but you have to out a bit of ground work in to find shops that cater to your shape/size like the rest of us. There is hardly anyone out there who is the perfect shape or size, what works for one doesn't always work for another. At 5ft 7in I'm surprised you are having problems with jeans.i think you are over thinking this tbh.

[CKDexterHaven]

Sorry but those responses are right out of a standard AIBU thread.

[BriarRainbowshimmer]

when I look at my feet they don't seem that exceptional

That's probably because they're perfectly normal. I have this problem too with too narrow shoes, and so has many of my female friends. My feet are actually subtly deformed because of this. Many wear shoes that are too narrow and have bunions and split nails. But women are supposed to have small and dainty feet and suffer for our beauty right? That must be the mindset of the shoe designers. Well screw that. We need to walk comfortabley and not get deformed feet.

[CKDexterHaven]

Yeah, I used to do ballet so my toes are fucked anyway but I hate the way perfectly normal women are made to feel they need special shoes because their feet are 'massive'. I saw on the television recently that women's feet are becoming bigger, so why don't manufacturers keep up with this? Is it because women are prepared to accept discomfort?

[PinkSquash]

Shoes have got smaller, my 'wide fit' shoes are narrower than the old ones, we must all be very slim in body and foot obvs.

[Sleepyfergus]

Clothes/shoes manufacturers can't cater for everyone so they have to aim for some sort of averages across their sizes. Plus you perhaps need to educate yourself on what suits your specific size and shape. Like I have fairly average boob size, but button up crew cardis do nowt for me because they strain over my bust. So v neck ones are better for me. I don't suit dresses cut on the bias at all, sweetheart necks don't suit me, but scoopy ones do. Sandals with rounded toes make my funny longer toe look weird, so I need to go for a more pointer one.

I really don't think all clothes manufacturers are trying to make us conform to a fixed image.

[CKDexterHaven]

I remember seeing Germaine Greer on a programme a few years ago saying she now had to buy men's clothing and alter it because women's clothing is too small.

The thing is, I'm in my 40s, I've shopped everywhere, I've looked everywhere and tried everything. It's not a question about 'educating myself' and I have no interest in sewing so I don't want to have to alter all my clothes. Who is this average woman? How come, if women are supposedly getting more obese, this average woman has such small breasts? How come, if women's feet are getting bigger, she has such narrow feet?

[vicmackie]

I feel the same way, especially about the shoe issue, it really pisses me off.
It's not you, it's the manufacturers, really!

[Sleepwhenidie]

Are we not allowed to have a different pov outside of AIBU ?

The 'hot' fashion shoe this summer is a Birkenstock sandal-how exactly does that fit with your argument Dexter?

I'm sorry if you struggle to find clothes to fit and feel you have exhausted every avenue, but I agree with sleepyfergus, I don't think clothing manufacturers are trying to make us fit a certain standard, it's more likely they provide what the market demands. At each end if the scale, this could be Mango, (until recently) known for its tiny cut, serving mainly a teenage market, or the likes of Evans. Plenty in between. I don't know many women, particularly past their early 20's who would buy and wear clothes they find uncomfortable (though shoes can be a different proposition I'd agree).

[SevenZarkSeven]

I know where you're coming from OP.

I also think that women's clothes are so blimmin difficult.

Blokes get trousers - leg length waist so gonna fit.
T-shirt - normal fit or narrow fit for those who feel buff. Then size. Job done.
Shoes are just shoes in whatever size nice.
If a man wants to get clothes which are a bit more complex then he can find them but generally bish bash bosh all straightforward.

Women's clothes are incomprehensible to me. Why did shops only sell jeans which didn't come up over your arse for 10 years? Why do things need to change so much so that one "season" you are laughing as the prevalent shape suits you and you need to snap em up quick as it won't come around again for a while? Why do so many women's clothes need to be so fitted full stop as it makes it much more involved to find clothes that look halfway decent if you do not have a perfect & young body? Men's clothes are not tight by default, although are available for men who want them.

It's just all so fucking complicated and boring. e.g. I just want a sodding t-shirt that doesn't cling in all the wrong places and hasn't got a really high collar as my tits are largeish. And isn't transparent FGS and which comes a reasonable amount down my body rather than stopping where I am going to flash skin when I move around. And isn't zebra skin or snakeskin or whatever the current not-for-the-fainthearted trend in patterns is.

And on and on and on I could go on for hours

I'm with you OP.

And with the shoes. I have very narrow feet and some of the heels are even narrow on me now! Mine are narrow as in not even on the scale in the clarks machine when I was a girl. I bought these beautiful shoes and 3 women said oh I wanted them but I couldn't get my feet into them. I guess a lot of it is like clothes companies that don't make over size 12 or whatever as they only want people with a certain shape wearing them? But yes if I am finding some shoes narrow then they really are very very narrow!

[ABlandAndDeadlyCourtesy]

Shoes used to fit me before I was pregnant (twice) and my feet spread.

I do wish adult shoes came in width fittings like children's shoes, but I know that would make stock difficult.

Manufacturers probably go by M&S bust sizes...

[CaptChaos]

Easily solved.

Buy men's clothes and shoes.

It's rare that I find clothes to fit, and has been since I was about 19 and started doing 'man' sports. Women with well developed thigh and calf muscles simply can't buy women's jeans, they won't fit.

I can walk into any shop and pick up any pair of men's jeans in the size variant I need, and I know they will fit, same with shirts and shoes. If I go into a women's wear shop, there is a spread of about 4 sizes I 'might' fit.

I also make clothes for myself, if I don't want to wear jeans, I can run up and pair of wide legged pants quickly and a reasonable top.

Buying clothes is a naus unless you fit into a small range of body shapes. Buying men's clothes isn't ideal, but, until I find some women's clothes I like and that don't make me look like an idiot, I'll stick with them! If only men wore bras!

[Scarletohello]

I completely agree with you. I often feel like I'm an alien when I go shopping as I find so few clothes that flatter my body shape. Apple, big boobs. Don't know what the solution is but I don't think clothes manufacturers make clothes for real women. They're missing a trick, someone could make a killing if they did!

[museumum]

The problem is "fashion" which changes every year or two.

If a shape that fits your body comes into fashion then buy enough to last five years because you can be sure it won't come round again for that long!

If only clothes shops weren't trying to make us change all our clothes every "season" they could just offer the range if options that the range of body shapes require.

[grimbletart]

I sympathise with you CKD. I can never find anything that doesn't gape at my waist. I don't think women are supposed to have waists these days...

[SevenZarkSeven]

It's just all too fitted really.

I am a similar shape to scarletthello maybe - apple and not small on top although not massive either. I have always had to buy separates really as the "standard" woman shape is just not what shape I am. Even with trousers most of them are useless as so many shops assume women are "pear shaped" when actually lots of us aren't - so we get the acres of excess cloth around the arse and thighs problem.

Men's clothes are much less fitted and so many more things are "good enough". As they aren't so tight, they don't need to fit so well to look alright IYSWIM.

[SevenZarkSeven]

So grimble you find things don't go in enough at the waist and for me it's the reverse.

Which does seem to imply that they are getting it quite wrong somewhere surely

[grimbletart]

Or perhaps I am just a lard arse Seven……I have to choose to fit my hips or my waist. Can'd do both.

[SevenZarkSeven]

Nah that's definitely not it.

Clothes didn't fit me when I was teeny either!

We need to shop at each other's shops. Although my knowledge of which shops cut how, dates from about 1996 and hasn't been re-checked since then

[wol1968]

Oh blimey. Don't get me started on footwear. I have the knee-high boot problem, as in, they won't go knee-high, because I actually have calf muscles above my size 4 feet. Put a size 6 on and they'll be fine on the leg, but my feet will be wallowing around in boats. Evidently, if you have small feet, you're supposed to have skinny legs as well. Er, no...

150 years ago you didn't have this problem because if you had the money for new clothes, you had them made to fit you, and if you didn't, you made (unglamorous) clothes for yourself. I do think part of the body-image problem is having to shoehorn oneself into a ready-to-wear size. Although if you really want to screw up your body image, try buying a sewing pattern and seeing what size you're supposed to fit into - their sizes are a work of historical fiction. According to Simplicity pattern booklets I'm a 16 on top and a 14 at the bottom with a thick waist. I normally take a 12 in the shops.