Media shaming of "Magaluf girl"

(135 Posts)
kim147 Sat 05-Jul-14 19:45:01

I'm sure you've heard the story. A 20 something yr old woman on holiday. Promised a free "holiday" if she performs a sex act on some blokes.

24 blokes later, she's offered a "holiday"- which is actually the name of a cocktail. Video goes viral and woman is named and shamed in the media.

Of course - the blokes who took part, including the male rep, seem to be getting of without such shaming.

Why is that? If a bloke came up to you and offered to so a sex act so he could get a free drink - well, I'm sure I know the answer.

But she's female - so her behaviour has to be policed.

grimbletart Sat 05-Jul-14 19:54:40

Yeah well. Double standards rule dontcha know.

Mind you, I saw that as the splash in one of the tabloids on the newsagents' counter this morning and thought, FFS woman what the hell is the matter with you? Have you no self-esteem at all? Probably not.
As for the men - when are we going to invent a short one word term for male sluts?

Realise that view won't make me popular but TBH if she had been my daughter or any of those men had been my sons they would have had the rocket of their lives.

kim147 Sat 05-Jul-14 20:01:21

That would be the same tabloid which feels necessary to show women's breasts everyday on Page 3?

grimbletart Sat 05-Jul-14 20:30:35

Actually it was the Mirror. But the red tops are all pretty much trash anyway now. One of the best things about retiring (from a job where I had to see all the papers every day) was not having to read the red tops, the Mail or the Express ever again.

dementedma Sat 05-Jul-14 20:33:29

24 blokes later......

Think that attracts a measure of shame tbh.
She must also have amazing jaw muscles!

BelleCurve Sat 05-Jul-14 20:51:22

But seeing as we are on FWR, why does a woman being sexual in whatever way become shameful? Only if we believe ( and we mostly do) that there is something inherently shameful about women having sex.

I think it likely she was exploited, but suppose she was completely happy about it? What is it that actually makes it "shameful"?

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Sat 05-Jul-14 21:01:18

I think she was happy to do it.

Holiday/drink? It's still sucking of a bunch of men.

I've been that bladdered I've pissed my self but still never would have done that.

I work in the sports industry so lots of young men who obviously has very twatty views on it. But at the end if the day, she didn't have a gun to her head, she was activity undoing trousers - she wanted to do it.

If she wanted to do it - who gives a fuck.

The arseholes are the organisers who set it up to humiliate a woman and the fucking newspapers spreading it like wild fire.

Softlysoftlycatchymonkey Sat 05-Jul-14 21:03:15

Oh and the male version of slut for me is dog.

I have known plenty of dogs.

kim147 Sat 05-Jul-14 21:03:21

And of course - the men were happy to take part.

I don't see it working the other way round - nor such a "competition" being offered to men.

Sosososcared Sat 05-Jul-14 21:07:35

I don't really get it. What exactly is disgusting people so much?

I'm sure this has happened at orgies and things before. Does that make everyone who's participated in an orgy slutty and shameful?

Is it because she did it for a monetary reward? Does that make prostitutes sluts, then? Why aren't people constantly outraged about prostitution if that's the case?

Is it because she did it in public? What about porn stars? I bet all the people so outraged about this are porn consumers, does that make everyone involved in porn deserving of shame?

When you break it down it makes literally no sense.

It's fear and guilt that makes this sensational fodder. Prostitutes and porn stars are 'other'. Girls who go to Magaluf and get pissed are like us.

Fear from parents of kids who go to Magaluf, Ibiza, Aya napa etc. 'what if mine do it'

Guilt from people who have been to Magaluf, Ibiza etc. 'seeing that makes me feel better about what I did. It wasn't THAT bad'.

Bluebelljumpsoverthemoon Sat 05-Jul-14 23:03:33

I feel so sorry for her and her family, her for being victimised by an international bullying campaign over the internet and across the media, her family because it must be so painful to see their loved one humiliated, degraded and invaded by that bullying publicity.

Who cares if she sucked 24 cocks, she didn't hurt anyone, she didn't rape or kill anyone, she doesn't deserve the trauma of what's been inflicted on her. The judgemental dicks sharing that video, making nasty comments about her on the internet and the media exposing her to public abuse are committing far worse harm than anything she's done.

The people abusing this girl need to look in the mirror because there's far greater sin being committed there.

wafflyversatile Sat 05-Jul-14 23:15:57

Low self-esteem is not a crime, not shameful (a shame for the person's own enjoyment of life, but not shameful). The answer to low self-esteem is not being lambasted across the internet and mainstream press.

If it's ok for 24 men to queue up for a blowjob, to feel ok about sticking their cocks in some drunk stranger's mouth in a club 'for the lols' then it is ok for her to do what she did.

If it is not ok for her to do what she did then what they did is not ok.

The rep who facilitated is as shamed. the person who filmed it and shared it. The media who published it knowingly to titillate and outrage. The people who shamed her in comments sections with nary a word to say about the others involved should feel ashamed.

MontyGlee Sun 06-Jul-14 02:33:50

Oh poor her. Boo hoo. HELLO?

gertiegusset Sun 06-Jul-14 02:55:45

Poor kid, she's only young and will be tarnished by this dreadful experience forever more.
I think the holiday reps who encouraged this should be the people who are 'shamed'.

gertiegusset Sun 06-Jul-14 03:04:26

It's fear and guilt that makes this sensational fodder. Prostitutes and porn stars are 'other'. Girls who go to Magaluf and get pissed are like us.

Prostitutes and porn stars are 'other'?

Are they not Women/Daughters/Sisters/Mothers too?

OldLadyKnowsSomething Sun 06-Jul-14 03:19:59

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

It must be very hard to walk the line between two worlds that hold women to such very different standards of behaviour. One world expects women to be continually sexually available and actively encourages them to want/have more meaningless sex just like men are meant to be, the other world condemns women eternally (literally, this story will follow this woman throughout her life) for not being modest and virginal.

And now everyone can watch and judge, see her face, form an opinion, send her an abusive message. When I was 20yo, this sort of thing would have quickly turned into an urban myth, the details would become hazy and lost accuracy in repetition and the girl herself would never become a public figure.

madwomanbackintheattic Sun 06-Jul-14 04:42:32

Thankfully am not in the UK and have not seen the coverage here.
Don't really want to google, but please someone tell me the rep has at least been suspended/ fired?
Are all of the men named? Pictures of them in all their pissed up glory for their mums, sisters, girlfriends and wives to see?

FloraFox Sun 06-Jul-14 05:56:29

This is patriarchy where women are in the sexual service of men. This story gives lie to the pipe dream of "sex positive feminism". We cannot opt out of patriarchy by women making themselves sexually available to all men.

Right wing men want each woman to be the sexual property of one man. Left wing men want women to be the sexual property of all men. Women who comply with either of these demands become viewed as "other", "lesser" - property not people.

For as long as we are living in patriarchy, women will not have the sexual freedom men have, no matter how much we may wish it to be so.

ivykaty44 Sun 06-Jul-14 06:22:05

What do the families of the 24 males think to their sons, nephews etc lining up with their dicks out to geta suck?

If it was my son I would be mortified

dementedma Sun 06-Jul-14 08:44:23

I would be equally appalled if it were my son or my daughter involved. The rep is the worst offender here for setting up the situation,each of the 24 blokes is guilty of taking advantage of a drunk woman, her so-called mates who should have stopped this are a disgrace but none of this makes her a helpless wronged party either.she did it...and was happy to do it 24 times in public so will have to..erm..suck up the consequences.

combust22 Sun 06-Jul-14 08:56:04

It is quite heartbreaking.

I had a horrible experience at a party a few years ago.
A very drunk 17 year old girl had gone to lie down in a bedroom when I became aware that two young men had been into the room and had sex with her.

I brought the girl out of the room and took her outside for fresh air where we sat on the front step. She was inebriated but she could talk and walk and did say that she was enjoying the male attention. I offered to call a taxi and pay the fare to take her home but I was clearly told to "Fuck off".

She staggered though to the bedroom again, where she called for any "handsome men" to pay her a visit. Two or three guys followed the call.

I promptly left the party. I fely unable to help her and didn't want to be witness to what was going on. It left me feeling quite shocked. The young woman seemed to be consenting but was so drunk I am not sure what it all meant.

SignYourName Sun 06-Jul-14 09:03:32

"But seeing as we are on FWR, why does a woman being sexual in whatever way become shameful? Only if we believe ( and we mostly do) that there is something inherently shameful about women having sex.

I think it likely she was exploited, but suppose she was completely happy about it? What is it that actually makes it "shameful"?"

^^This. I've been arguing this exact point on the AIBU thread.

Mammuzza Sun 06-Jul-14 09:13:33

I feel for her.

As a young woman my self worth was so low that I thought the bulk of my value was what I had to offer in terms of sexual attractiveness/availability.

I have flashes of memory which start as a hot flush of discomfort... and then a wave of pity for a much younger woman, almost like "she" wasn't me. We have so very little in common now.

It's dealable with. I understand the many strands that helped create the foundation and the choices. I forgive me, I don't beat myself up over it, or lug around a longterm sense of victimhood.

But then.... there are no news reports of my fuck ups. My family, friends, aquaintences are not aware of the details of my crashes and burns. I'm not sure I would have had the time and space to create self worth based on being a human rather than a sexually available female has that extra complication been part of the package.

From another perspective, my son is a young teenager, if I discovered he were involved in something like this I'd be deeply concerned and upset. Becuase... I don't see it as all that different from my own teenage self worth issues. It is still placing an extrodinary value on how others see you , up for it, one of the lad, and far far too little on personal health, safety, self respect and respect for others.

Life is complicated. Especially when young and more vulnerable to the pressures of others becuase you are still working out that who you are is good enough as is, and cheap titillated public approval is not the best barometer for your value as a person. Sex is not inherantly dirty or bad. But it can be squalid. It can be abusive/exploitative even when superfically consensual. It can leave scars in your memory banks that you have to walk a hard path to learn to live with. I want better than that for him. I want better than that for this young woman. And I hope, sincerly hope, that she comes out of this furore as unscasthed as possible.

I read this news story and my chest got tight. But I may be projecting. With any luck she is in a very different place with very different motivations compared to where I was at a similar time of life, and can brush this off like mud allowed to dry.

I know it isn't the whole solution, but I wish the Dutch sex ed programme Long Live Love could be translated (both in language and tweaked for culture) and put in place in other countires too. From what I can see it places a HIGH value on self worth, looks at sex contexually, emphasises choice and the elements that aim to interfer with wholly free choice. With all the sexualised bombarment younger people have to deal with, and the mass availability of recording devices, I think something with that kind of focus is needed more than ever.

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