Would you intervene if you saw a woman attacking a man?

[Aqualegia]

youtu.be?QYV6y1vH2Lk

It was really food for thought, for me.

[Aqualegia]

As is my inability to type properly.

[FourForksAche]

I think I would have stepped in, I'm totally shocked people were laughing.

[FourForksAche]

although, to be honest, from past experience, if it was a female aggressor, I'd feel it would be more likely I'd get hit. Especially if alcohol was in the mix.

[Aqualegia]

I'm more shocked that I have perpetrated it.

Not everything she did and only in the very extreme of temper/distress, but ... well, I've just said what every violent bastard says. Ugh. I am appalled. I've suffered it, too, so I am doubly sickened that I have perpetrated it. Massive blind spot. I feel sick.

[HecatePropylaea]

I would not physically intervene if I saw anyone attacking anyone. I would call the police at once as an emergency.

I would not risk getting attacked myself. And that happens. You can even end up with both of them on you. I think you have to balance acting to help a stranger with minimising the risk to yourself.

I realise that probably makes me sound awful, but I don't want to get punched if there is another, less risky, way that I can help.

[FourForksAche]

do you think that you've come to a point where you've changed? do you think you would do things differently now?

[FourForksAche]

I don't think it sounds bad at all, Hecate, just sensible. I have stepped in in the past and afterwards I realise it was very risky.

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

They may not have been laughing, FourForks....

Is violence video a fraud?

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

He was big enough to take care of himself, so no, I probably wouldn't have risked myself in that situation.

The people were laughing were horrible though.

I found it interesting how it was all women who stepped in the first situation despite him being bigger than them and clearly not having any problems with attacking a woman. I definitely would have have helped the first woman.

[Aqualegia]

FourForks: I had a very unhappy marriage with an abusive man and sank to some terrible depths back then. It was utterly toxic.

That, thankfully, is over. I'm not physically abusive and verbally aggressive (although that happened in the marriage), but - deep shame - I do still sometimes shout at my children.

I am now very committed to stopping that.

[FourForksAche]

turnip, interesting! in a way I'm relieved by that. but the point of the video remains valid, I think?

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

I'm a bit dubious about the video too, I think it may be finely edited to make a point - the 40% figure at the end is dubious too - but all too often bandied around by MRA types. Check out Karen Ingala Smith's work on this.

Research shows that people do not always jump to a woman's aid in public either. In the following social experiment only 4/20 people intervened:

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

That makes more sense.. so inn other words people don't come rushing to women's defense. But for some reason they want us to think we do? Ime, people definitely don't get involved.

[FourForksAche]

aqualegia, sorry you went through that. I think it's admirable you're trying to be a better parent. I suspect you're still holding onto a lot of guilt, even for things that were beyond your control.

I shout at my kids occasionally too, I try to stay calm but sometimes it just doesn't work.

[Aqualegia]

The point about the 40% (according to Jane Garvey on R4 just now) is that most of them suffer at the hands of men as well. Female on male violence is approx. 11%, I think (although a few numbers were bandied about).

[ReallyFuckingFedUp]

I'm also skeptical about levels of DV affecting men. What happened in the video was definitely dv but men don't die from that. Women die from Dv. Domestic violence kills a lot of women. So it seems unfair to me to say they experience nearly half of it

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Aqualegia. Sorry you went through that.

[Bifauxnen]

Came to post what Turnip posted. It's most likely a fraud.

[Aqualegia]

FourForks: bless you for the sympathy! if you find the secret, let me know. My DD doesn't need much direction, but my DS largely ignores anything said in a non-shouty voice. I don't want to shout at him, but I run out of options.

[Aqualegia]

Don't really get the 'fraud' angle on this? It's an advert; not presented as fact, exactly. I know they are presenting the reactions as genuine (and I have no idea if they are or not), but I think the clip is effective either way. It's a question.

And certainly no detraction from the need to support women's services. Ker-rist ... that's the last thing I'd be saying.

[Aqualegia]

And Sabrina x

[FourForksAche]

sabrina, that was horrible to watch.

I don't really object to the stats posted, anything that gets people taking dv seriously is a good thing ultimately. A little galling that it has to be a male problem too in order to get people thinking about it but it works in women's favour too in the end.

[TunipTheUnconquerable]

Fourforks - depends what you think the video is saying.
If it's saying 'men can be victims of dv at the hands of women too and it's not a laughing matter' then yes, absolutely it stands.

However if you think it's saying (and this is what a lot of people commenting seem to be taking away from it), 'Look, people react differently when it's men and women! When women are the victims they step in to help but when men are the victims they just laugh!' then it's a load of manipulative dishonest bollocks.

I've seen women attacked in public and no-one step in to help.

[SabrinaMulhollandJjones]

Agree, Tunip.

[FourForksAche]

turnip, yes, I think you're right there. the video is putting across both those points and it is manipulative.

it's reminded me of an incident on a night out when I stopped 2 women battering a young bloke. he had been propositioned and turned her down, so she went into a rage, clawing at his face and her friend joined in. I pulled him off to one side and stayed with him till the women left in a cab. he was really shook up.