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Porn in PIL's loo

(60 Posts)

A bit of advice from the clever people here would be appreciated:
FIL is a kind and lovely man and I'm very fond of him but he's the kind of person who says "political correctness gone mad" etc and his attitudes are quite old fashioned at times.
MIL bought him a large picture of a woman wearing nothing but knickers and boots at some point in the 1970s/80s as a 'joke'. It is not arty, just porny. It hangs proudly in the loo. DH is embarrassed by this but grew up with it. I've always thought it was odd but not thought to challenge it.
Now we've got children I feel differently about it. I feel like having it there is sending a message about women that I don't want my children to accept.
Do I ask them to take it down? (Been there so long I think it could cause family tension) do I just bring it up and discuss with DC when they are bigger that this isn't a nice way to treat women and grandad was brought up in a time when this was ok even though we all know it isn't now (much in the way that racist old people were sort of tolerated when I was little)
I just feel that having this in their home normalises objectification of women more than coming across the image in a magazine etc would.
Any thoughts would be appreciated, thanks

dementedma Tue 20-May-14 22:22:23

Their house, their choice.
You either put up with it or stop going round there.

dementedma Tue 20-May-14 22:22:12

Their house, their choice.
You either put up with it or stop going round there.

Nope. I've got a picture of a teddy bear in a gimp suit in my loo, seeing as you asked.

CrispyFern Mon 19-May-14 08:11:20

Am I the only one who suspects solid gold brass has a picture of Sam Fox (winking in a pair of cowboy boots and chewing a blade of grass) on her toilet wall too?
It's like people who come on "Well actually I think pebbly twigs with fairy lights are THE HEIGHT OF SOPHISTICATION!"

BriarRainbowshimmer Fri 16-May-14 15:52:52

Soft porn is still porn.

morethanpotatoprints Fri 16-May-14 15:11:12

I don't think this would bother me neither its art not pornography, unless the boot clad woman is giving somebody a blow job, or takin it up the wrong un.
Sorry, couldn't resist lowering the tone. grin
My dc when about 17 and 14 helped me sort out my late dads belongings and he was a brilliant artist who still had lots of naked still life drawings from his college days. It was quite funny imagining him painting these nude women all these years ago.

BriarRainbowshimmer Fri 16-May-14 15:02:13

What a disturbing drawing Tei...it looks so merry.

TeiTetua Fri 16-May-14 14:50:20

It's good to see that an attempt to confuse nudity with pornography has fooled nobody!

But I've faced something like this with my own parents. For years they had this print in their front hall, and I'm sure they never really thought about what it shows:
ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/71sNP7Hv0rL._SL1500_.jpg

You can go along for years hardly thinking about something, just assuming that it's respectable. Then it occurred to me that this poster shows an incapably drunk woman being hustled along by two stalwart policemen; they're taking her to a particular bar, where you the viewer can meet her, and then who knows what may happen, eh mon ami. And is it just a coincidence that the French for violin is "violon" and the word for rape is "viol"?

Well, the crisis never came. In the course of a redecoration project the picture went into the back of a cupboard, where it seems to be staying.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Fri 16-May-14 13:25:49

Well, quite. I didn't buy and that played a part. I think they thought it was ironic and retro hmm

duchesse Fri 16-May-14 11:22:35

areyou- bloody hell- if I bought a flat like that I'd have to have it professionally cleaned and fumigated! Bad vibes. Horrible people.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Fri 16-May-14 11:14:53

I remember viewing a flat years ago and there was picture of Hitler in the loo. Now that would be an issue for me.

duchesse Fri 16-May-14 10:32:00

I think if the PIL were into extreme right wing politics, there might be far fewer visits to the grandparents... Certainly would be in this house probably none.

Thanks Margaret!
Good night all

JapaneseMargaret Thu 15-May-14 23:19:04

Don't worry - we, for the most part, get it. smile

Not often, every couple of months or so. They aren't local so we usually stay there.
It's not a huge big deal for me to be honest, just something that doesn't sit well with me and I've been thinking about a bit recently.
DH is completely on side. He's happy to say something.

SisterMoonshine Thu 15-May-14 21:54:31

How often are you round there?

Not sure what's annoyed you so much solidgoldbrass. I just don't feel hugely comfortable with the messages that page 3 style images send to young girls and think that is all the more difficult to explain when it's seen at Granny and Grandad's house.
I've got no problem with nakedness at all and I've acknowledged that it's their house and I can't tell them what to do. This poster isn't art, it's soft porn.
Not whining or shitting my pants over anything. Just canvassing opinion. Thanks for yours

CaptChaos Thu 15-May-14 21:45:50

I wonder if there would be this angst if it was some other kind of imagery. A big Nazi flag maybe? Or something hyperviolent?

As Basil says, we can choose where we want to go, just as others can choose what values they want to display. They don't always have to match up.

AskBasil Thu 15-May-14 21:34:15

LOL SGB you're the only one stamping your feet around here. The OP has asked for calm and reasonable suggestions about how to approach a problem, she hasn't whined or stamped her feet, but goodness, you sound like you are doing so.

I'd let your DH tackle them OP. It's his parents, he can tell them why he's uncomfortable with their sexist imagery.

We all have the right not to take our kids to houses we don't like for any reason at all. And everyone has the right to decorate their house in any way they choose, including ways which may lead to people being unwilling to visit them.

CaptChaos Thu 15-May-14 20:48:45

No one is stamping feet or being demanding. The OP is asking for considered thoughts about something she and her DH feel uncomfortable about.

Presumably, DH will ask his parents if they would mind taking the picture down, explaining that he feels uncomfortable about it being there and that his DCs are going to grow up with enough over sexualised images of women and girls everywhere without one hanging in their DGP's loo.

They will either take it down or not.

Then OP and her DH have to decide how to proceed from there, either by only seeing DGPs at their home, or swallowing their discomfort and continuing to visit them, but somehow explain to their DCs that, although DGF is likes a bit of sexist imagery, he's a great bloke really.

Whether the picture comes down is the PiLs choice, how they react to that choice is the OP and her DHs.

JapaneseMargaret Thu 15-May-14 17:45:22

If the FIL was bossing his wife around the house and expecting her to pick up after him in front of the DC, I'm sure you'd have a thing or two to say about it, SGB.

But because this particular gripe is about nudity, you're in a bizarre rush not to be 'mundane'.

We had a massive print of Michaelangelo's David on the inside door of the downstairs loo in the early 80s. No big deal to us, though our friends thought it was hilarious.

The distinction between art, and soft porn that objectifies, is not so nuanced that people seemingly cannot see the difference, is it?!

Bottom line, DH politely requests that they take it down, and if they say no, so be it. The fact remains though, that eventually children grow up and see things with adult understanding. It's interesting that the OP's DH is embarrassed by it, and sees is own Dad as a bit of a dinosaur. PILs run the risk of the same impression being formed in the minds of their grandkids. But that's their choice, of course.

SGB - The OP hasn't said anything remotely like that. Some other posters are getting a bit ahead of themselves, and seeing massive ructions where they don't exist. And the suggestions to stick things over the picture when they visit are too PA for words.

But all the OP has said is that she'll get her DH to mention it and see if they would mind removing it. She isn't stamping, whining, or threatening.

Do you really never politely mention things about other people's houses that you find objectionable on feminist principles?

Purpleroxy Thu 15-May-14 14:12:26

It's their home and it's not illegal. I think it would be rude to ask them to take it down. Just tell your kids something age appropriate.

areyoutheregoditsmemargaret Thu 15-May-14 14:08:37

Surely this is one for your dh to tackle with his parents, what does he think?

But there's nothing wrong with making a polite request, explaining the problem and asking nicely for a mutually agreeable solution, is there?

If the PIL say fuck off, we'll be sexist if we want, it's our house; then comes the difficult dilemma of how to proceed.

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