Tom Meagher article on violence against women (triggering)

[lionheart]

Just thought I'd post (or re-post this if it has been done before).

A really thoughtful piece of writing.

[LeBearPolar]

Go on then...

[lionheart]

Let me try that again.

here

[Stinkypinky73]

Thank you Lion...that was very powerful and had me nodding along all the way through! I particularly concurred when he said that we all talk about violence against women without uttering that it is MEN'S violence against women that is the issue.

Very refreshing as well to have an article backing and supporting women and not blaming us for being assaulted.

He poses an interesting question....WHY the HELL aren't more men speaking out about THEIR sex's disgusting violence towards women??!! Men are so silent about this and their silence condemns them.

[lionheart]

Absolutely, Stinkypinky.

Yes, why don't men stand up and speak out too?

[Birdsgottafly]

I have always wondered, if the excuses and reasons used as to why a man has been violent/killed his partner, or raped/sexually abused a woman, or child, can be credited at all, why do we allow Men free movement, in society, tbh.

I have heard excuses made in the cases of rape against girls under 10.

These "excuses" allow criminals to go free/have reduced sentences and also allow for Female victim blaming.

I know that if some of the crimes that are committed, were blamed on a factor that I share, being Female etc, then I would be protesting outside the court and doing all that I could to counter act this opinion.

Yet, Men, in general stay silent.

Compare that with the stuff said about Liverpool Football Fans (I am in/from Liverpool) and there is an outpouring in response and a retraction called for.

I would like to know why "if your not part of the solution, you are part of the problem", is so easily ignored, in these matters.

[ApocalypseThen]

Because, if you read the comments, the takeaway for a large number of make readers is that someone unfairly blamed them personally by saying "men" instead of "a number of men". That offends them and is the main problem society must tackle - how do we protect the feelings of men?

Then violence against women.

[CaptChaos]

"Because, if you read the comments, the takeaway for a large number of make readers is that someone unfairly blamed them personally by saying "men" instead of "a number of men". That offends them and is the main problem society must tackle - how do we protect the feelings of men?"

I find it really strange that sectors of society see any reporting of men's violence as unfair to men's feelings. That they have been blamed for all the ills that the men in question have caused. I read stories of women who have abused their children, I don't take it personally because I am aware that I haven't abused my children, and that I never will. If you are not a violent man, how can you take it personally? Why do men and some women automatically react to reports like this with... 'Waaaaaa! You're just being mean to men'?

Almost all violence to women and girls is carried out by men, men that they know, men that they trust. Almost all violence toward men is carried out by men. Yet, whenever this subject is brought up, we inevitably have

(a) someone telling us that men are victims and posting figures from an MRA blog which state that more men are victims of DV from women than the other way round. No one ever states that men aren't victims too, but this is a feminist board, so we will naturally want to discuss how the issue affects women.

(b) someone telling us that not all men are violent. Well, duh!

(c) women are randomly violent too.

It seems that it is impossible to have a sensible conversation about men's violence, without it turning into a bun fight and a 'what about the poor menz' thing.

[Ledkr]

I'd like to see more men speak out too.
Violence against women by men should be taboo and only other men can make it like that.
I worked in residential childcare and got assaulted often by young males and myself colleagues rarely spoke out to tell these young men how very wrong it is.
My 3 ds have been brought up with this message and think men who assault women are the scum of the earth.

[lionheart]

Yes, I don't know how much of this is broached in schools.

[CaptChaos]

I agree that men must be the ones who make violence against women taboo, but until they and a large section of the media get over their squeamishness about naming the problem, then I don't see how that can happen.

[LoveSardines]

There's a big sort of disconnect somehow though.

In the press and society and everywhere, the vast majority of men will say that violence against women - whether involving sexual violence or not - is unconscionable, indefensible, wrong.

And yet somehow when there is a man who has done this / is doing it, except in the most extreme cases, excuses are made, the violence is minimised.

So men get to have it both ways? Say oh yes that's awful but at the same time be able to get away with it most of the time if they choose to do it... Why is that?

Because that's another answer that comes up on these threads: Ask pretty much any man and he will tell you that rape / DV are wrong. And YET somehow, when these crimes are committed, somehow all that talk counts for very little indeed.

[LoveSardines]

So that was d) If you ask most men they will tell you that VAW is wrong CASE CLOSED.

But actually not case closed at all, because look and see what actually goes on. Someone somewhere is telling porkies...

[Callani]

What a fantastic piece and so refreshing to hear someone confront the insidious rape myths.

Tom Meagher is inspirational in his reaction to his wife's murder and hopefully he will inspire other men to stand up against rape culture.

[ApocalypseThen]

Incidentally, the commenting in CIF seems to have a new policy. Still see plenty of bleating about men and how they aren't all violent, but plenty of feminists being deleted.

New mod?

[PacificDogwood]

V powerful bit of writing - thanks for linking to it.

Some men do speak about it: TED presentation on DV

I agree the widespread silence is thundering...

[AnyFucker]

I say this all the time

Why don't more decent men (and there are plenty of them) register their distaste and opposition to the generalised issue of male violence against women

Some men seem to take even the subject being raised as a personal slight on them < notes the knee jerk response to some men on MN >

In stead, they mumble, make a token "that is shit, mate" when confronted on it and generally cow themselves

There was even a male poster on here recently who was looking for cookies for saying he "quietly disapproves"

Speak up, FFS !

[AnyFucker]

of some men on MN

[tribpot]

Great article, great TED speech. Thanks for sharing!

[Stinkypinky73]

Tom Meagher appeared on The Late Late Show last night.

www.thejournal.ie/tom-meagher-late-late-show-2-1434461-Apr2014/

He is also an advocate for the White Ribbon campaign. www.thejournal.ie/tom-meagher-late-late-show-1433550-Apr2014/

Hope the links work...if not, a quick google search does it.

If ONLY more men took violence against women seriously and as AF said, SPEAK UP!! It is no good just THINKING it is wrong...add your voice FFS!

[lionheart]

Thanks Stinkypinky73.

[Stinkypinky73]

You're welcome, Lion. :) Tom Meagher is MY vision of manhood....what men SHOULD be like but aren't. Devoted to their wives/partners/girlfriends, an unshakeable belief that women are their equal and deserving of respect as human beings, and a deep feeling of responsibility as the privileged sex, to ensure fairness. He is one of the very, VERY few men that I feel is worthy of respect.

Sorry if that sounds bitter....but not many men impress me. Not at all.

[Louise1956]

what about violence against men? Men are more likely than women to be assaulted, and more likely to be murdered too. Why is violence only bad if it's directed against women?

[CaptChaos]

No Louise, but you know that. This is a thread which is discussing an article written by a man whose wife was raped and murdered by a man. It therefore seems appropriate to discuss men's violence to women on it.

If you want to discuss men's violence toward men, do feel free to start another thread. I'm sure it will be interesting.

[BillyBanter]

I agree that men must be the ones who make violence against women taboo

surely people should be the ones who make violence against people taboo?

If women still do the majority of child-rearing why is it only men who are responsible for men not being violent?

On the subject of men not liking 'men' instead of 'some men' try replacing 'men' with 'black people'. You (hopefully) wouldn't lump all black people in together and make them responsible for everything that any black person has done. This does of course happen, when the media say things like 'the black community' should blah blah, knife crime blah blah. 'The problem with white people is...' i'm white. I would resent someone lumping me in with racist white people they have encountered.

That's not to say that people shouldn't be able to discuss male on female violence specifically but I can understand why men might get annoyed at being lumped together, especially if they are a man who has been the victim of female violence or abuse.