Incapable of relationships with men?

(26 Posts)
mcmoonfucker Sat 21-Dec-13 08:39:26

I'm not sure how to get all this down so I hope it makes sense - apologies if it is a crock.

My relationship background is a 15 year relationship /marriage with an abusive man....awesome hmm

I left that marriage 3 years ago and have been dating a bit but in the main I have been "working on me" <boak> developing really strong female friendships, and become a total 'independent woman' - career/house/ mindset - the lot!

And I was genuinely happy being single - felt completely liberated and had no need at all for a man. Well, ok, maybe for sex occasionally, but no emotional need for a man.

So then I meet someone, a bit unexpected....and here's the thing.

He is open, kind, hot, gentle, understanding, thoughtful, solvent, completely non aggressive, loves me......I've been "in a relationship" for 6 months with him now. But I think I genuinely am now incompatible with what you are supposed to do in a relationship with a man.

So, he likes having discussions and debates, so do I, so we have discussions about all sorts of things. But when we get onto feminism, I hate it, I 'get' that most men don't understand their own privilege and he is never rude or puts me down, I just think CBA explaining this. Literally CBA and I just want him to leave.

God this sounds petty when I've written it down, but something happens in me every time I speak with him about these things (I was thinking of saying that maybe we shouldn't speak about feminism but then WHY should I - it is important to me).

So I guess where I'm at is.....this is a decent guy, I really really like him........he does try and take time to understand the feminist points of view without being vile...........but even this is not good enough for me......it seems to be putting me off him.............but really what more can I expect? Like, this is "one of the good ones"!!

Am I just being completely non-compromising and 'hard work'?
Do I have an unrealistic expectation of how relationships should be? i.e. full on all embracing romantic love.
Or am I some sort of psychopath incapable of loving a man?

Please don't hold back.

mcmoonfucker Sat 11-Jan-14 21:55:16

I hadn't seen some of these replies. But thank you.

I'm a SGB fan and completely follow your ethos about being free to leave a relationship at any point.

However I think Missy's point number 2 is exactly what I suspected I was doing - unloading all my man suspicion on him. If I try and be as objective as is humanly possible and judge him only on his actions then he's nowhere near 'bad man'

Which is guess is why the OP is titled 'incapable of relationships with men'....my awareness and knowledge that I have...is it incompatible with relationships even with decent men?

Toast: perfectly put. I have actually sort of said that to him in not exactly those words. His reply was "I'm worried that these things might put you off. I love hearing your views on things"
No aggression. No belittling. Just empathetic.

And yes, missy, it feels bloody strange and scary. smile

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