Why would you be proud to be married?

(262 Posts)
Grennie Sun 03-Nov-13 18:06:42

I am just trying to understand this from a feminist perspective. Why would a woman under patriarchy be proud to be married?

I'm married but I don't see it as some kind of achievement. It's a public commitment to another person.

This is my second marriage. An old friend of mine is in a committed partnership and has been with her partner for nearly 20 years - over twice the length of both of my marriages (so far).

I think that someone who thinks it an achievement of sorts has either swallowed the whole 'princess' thing wholesale, or believes that non-married partnerships are somehow inferior.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 18:16:11

I think that you have been reading the thread about the woman who didn't like her husband referred to as partner! I think it is a very small minority.

Because you've bought in to the whole 'marriage is the pinnacle of all ambition for any woman' wink.

I am married for purely practical/legal reasons; it did make my mother very happy indeed grin

Grennie Sun 03-Nov-13 18:19:36

I saw a few women on that other thread saying they were proud to be married. It wasn't only the OP. And I just thought it was strange.

Yes I guess they have bought into the idea that marriage is the pinnacle of ambition for every woman.

YY to practical and legal reasons, and an excuse for a party. smile

Trills Sun 03-Nov-13 18:23:36

I think some people seem to think that to say that you are not proud of it means that you are ashamed of it rather than existing in a middle ground where you can like it and be happy about it but not be actively proud as if it is an achievement.

I'm married and I wouldn't say it's something to be proud of, it's just a relationship status. Being together for 11.5 years through some really shitty times and supporting each other all the way? Now that I'm proud of.

hoppinghare Sun 03-Nov-13 18:25:44

I don't think I would say I am 'proud' to be married but I am happy to be married.

BlueJess Sun 03-Nov-13 18:30:57

I'm very proud that my DH and I have built and maintained a strong relationship and family over a long time and in the face of some tough times.

We are married but I'd be just as proud of the relationship if we weren't.

AnyFuckerReporting Sun 03-Nov-13 18:32:57

I wouldn't say proud but I'm almost relieved (?) to be married now after having two children together before marriage and dealing with judginess and sly comments about it from people. [smallvillageemoticon]

MiniTheMinx Sun 03-Nov-13 18:41:58

I have never understood how being married is practical. I must be positively impractical. The legal aspects are positively terrifying. I'd quite like the party and the big day but nothing would compel me to sign the register and sign away my legal status as individual entity.

HRHLadyG Sun 03-Nov-13 18:47:13

I was one of the women who said I felt proud on the previous post. I also stated that I am independent and successful....at no point did I suggest that my marriage represented 'the pinnacle of my ambition'. I also feel pride as I watch my children grow and develop into lovely, vibrant young people....but being a Mother was also not my sole ambition! Bluejess has summarised this really accurately, thank you! x

HRHLadyG Sun 03-Nov-13 18:50:17

What I actually said was that I was proud to call my Husband 'my Husband' and that I was proud of our lovely marriage, not that I was 'proud to be married'. There is a difference in interpretation.

happybubblebrain Sun 03-Nov-13 18:53:04

I've never understood why people get married. It's never even crossed my mind that I should and if I had married dd's father I would probably have lost my house. I have no idea why anyone would be proud to be married when it's just a piece of paper. The relationship is the real bit.

WhentheRed Sun 03-Nov-13 18:54:06

I am proud of my joint accomplishments with my DH. I am proud of what we have achieved as a team. However, I am not proud of being married. That's neither here nor there to me.

SatinSandals Sun 03-Nov-13 18:56:13

Actually it really isn't just a piece of paper but you only realise it in a crisis. I would speak to a solicitor about it. There all sorts of things that you won't have thought about.

MisForMumNotMaid Sun 03-Nov-13 18:57:37

I'm proud that I've created a stable environment for my DC. I did that post end of first marriage. My second marriage enhances the stability - 2 adults 2 potential incomes/ lines of support.

I'd second the sentiment I'm happy to be married I'm not sure proud is the term I'd use.

Bythebeach Sun 03-Nov-13 18:59:19

I feel 'proud' to be married! Proud to have a someone who loves me and is willing to make such a commitment to me. To be trusted as their next of kin in life or death decisions too. I wouldn't expect to feel any different were it a same-sex civil partnership though...would be just as proud.
Totally loved my ex...10 year relationship...but wasn't quite the same ... wasn't wanting to be married in fact thought marriage was unnecessary if you had so loved each other. But the difference for me seems ti be when the live waned there was no commitment...and probably not enough respect either.....

Grennie Sun 03-Nov-13 18:59:44

HRH - I still don't really understand why you are proud of your marriage, or proud to call your Husband, my Husband?

I have been with my partner for 22 years. We are very happy and in love. But I am not proud of that. I am happy about it though.

cantthinkofagoodone Sun 03-Nov-13 18:59:59

I would say that I'm proud to be married to my husband as I value marriage and he would say the same thing, that he's proud of being married to me

everlong Sun 03-Nov-13 19:01:17

I'm not the biggest feminist out there but I'm not proud to be married.

I like being married and I'm glad to be married but proud isn't in the equation.

MiniTheMinx Sun 03-Nov-13 19:03:42

Maybe its semantics, maybe people mean different things when they use the word proud.

Grennie Sun 03-Nov-13 19:04:34

Beach you said - You are "Proud to have a someone who loves me and is willing to make such a commitment to me."

That almost makes it sound like you think you don't really deserve love and commitment?

Grennie Sun 03-Nov-13 19:05:14

Mini - Which is why I am asking. I don't understand it, so I am trying to.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now