Mumsnet in the news

(55 Posts)
ThoRAVENomiki Fri 25-Oct-13 10:51:11

There have been several articles in the news, lately (Thanks to Penis-Beaker, no doubt) about Mumsnet regarding members discussing sex and suggesting that it is a negative thing. Why the outrage?! There are hundreds (thousands? millions?) of sites dedicated to Porn, promoting the more misogynistic acts of sex, rating women on their performance in the sex industry. There is porn on the shelf in corner shops and lads mags in supermarkets.

As far as I can tell men of all ages, job descriptions and parental status are allowed to indulge in their base instincts but mum's are not. Bit of a Madonna-Whore complex by the media in general. It's ok to like sex if you are pretty and discussing it in the realm of men, for men, and in a way that men like. But it's not ok for women to discuss sex in a forum mainly frequented by women. Especially one mostly used by mothers.
I just don't get it. There are constant jokes and criticisms about how all mothers lose their libido after children and yet when an opportunity arises to dispel this myth people don't like it. We should all go back to just discussing child-rearing and the many uses of baking soda hmm

So, men can divulge and indulge in deviant ideas but women shouldn't ask their friends if these things are normal...
One article said these things are private but their not really are they? We have sex aimed at us by the advertising industry and media in general but we're not allowed to discuss it? We are supposed to listen to what men and the media want - shave your armpits, wax your genitals, make them smell like flowers, have a skinny waist and massive boobs, make sure they're pushed up and in etc. without checking with other women if they think this is all normal.

The reason all this bugs me so much is because I grew up in this world and my DD is going to have to as well.
I grew up seeing lads mags (and the Sun) on coffee tables read my the fathers of my friends, my brother, all my boyfriends and their friends. Objectification of women was normalised and I suffered for it.

The thing is I look like I turned out ok and I'm sure I did for the most part so people will say "ah well, it didn't do you any harm" but I think it did.

BuffytheAnyAppleFucker Fri 25-Oct-13 10:54:48

Mums talking about bumsex?

This is more than enough to make the DM rear back in horror at the awfulness of it. It's worse than PC gorn made and 'elf and safety combined!

mignonnette Fri 25-Oct-13 11:05:23

Yes sex and sexual imagery is so private we have public ads in which a man shaves a G into a woman's pubic hair.

So private that the media openly discusses the minutiae of the sex lives of those in the public eye and pays money to people willing to kiss and tell. Maintaining truthfulness whilst doing this is not top priority either.

What is bothering them is the rise of public use digital media whilst print media (controlled and owned by rich old men) is on the decline. They cannot copyright Female disclosure on here and MN is Female owned.

ThoRAVENomiki Fri 25-Oct-13 11:09:13

Yes the DM -We must have been hi-jacked because mothers wouldn't dream of talking about sex. The thing (not bumsex, obvs!) that made them mothers in the first place hmm

It was the Telegraph yesterday - "parental potty mouth" should be a drunken hiccup. Not sober discussions of a healthy sex-life between couples.

We should all become virtuous, soup-making, iron-wielding, husband -pleasing (but only in bed dear and save the naughty stuff for your child-less mistress), mumsy-boot wearing types as soon as the product of your sexual pursuits has nestled into the lining of your womb.

scallopsrmissingAnyFucker Fri 25-Oct-13 11:13:31

It's all about control. The desire to control what women think, talk about etc. It's why we get men on here (as in FWR) telling us how we should feel/think/what we should be focusing on/how we are doing feminism wrong etc.

They are scared that when women get together to talk about their lives and experiences they might realise that they will want and expect more.

ghostonthecanvas Fri 25-Oct-13 11:14:36

Ach its starting for the men too. My 13 year old is very proud of his 8-pack confused. Although certainly not to the same extreme and not with the same pressure the media are making a fair enough job of sexualising men. We need to continue to normalise sex and sexuality on forums like these. I don't know if our youngsters are getting more aware of the ridiculousness of it all but my older boys are horrified by what miley cyrus feels she has to do to be popular. Itgives me hope.

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood Fri 25-Oct-13 11:16:22

Good post op. Ive missed all this in the mwdia but was aware of it and you're absolitely right. Which newspapers has this moral outrage been in, out of interest?

NeoFaust Fri 25-Oct-13 11:24:22

Fully agree with you.

I want to expand my knowledge and understanding of women (particularly my girlfriend, but also in general) to unpick the myths around female sexuality. Mumsnet has provided some profound insights.

ThoRAVENomiki Fri 25-Oct-13 11:28:33

To be fair I think I must have missed all the posts "sharing eye-wateringly intimate information best kept entirely secret" so maybe I shouldn't comment. I didn't even think Penis-Beaker was that bad. So what, he likes to have a clean up after sex and he uses a beaker of water to do it. It's not really that shocking. Now if she'd said her husband likes to wipe his cock on a baby alpaca that would have been worth the outrage.

I agree, it's about control. Divide and conquer. When women group together and get along we can be a powerful force. The sad thing is (and I think I speak for most feminists when I say) we don't want to take over the world. We just want a fair share of it. I'd like to see the world be a better place for men to live in too. It's not a good thing if little boys are having to worry about their appearance. That's not the kind of equality we want really; drag-all-people-down equality.

ThoRAVENomiki Fri 25-Oct-13 11:38:19

SHRIIIEEEKFuckingBearBlood The DM, of course! haha Moral Outrage HQ and The Telegraph (two articles)

ThoRAVENomiki Fri 25-Oct-13 11:42:10

ps. Oops I said a naughty word!! cock best go wash my potty-mouth out with soap thlgrin

mignonnette Fri 25-Oct-13 12:03:28

If the DM has its way, they'll reopen the asylums and have us all detained for Nymphomania.

Beachcomber Fri 25-Oct-13 12:09:26

Men don't like it when women (particularly those not in the first flush of youth) gather together in large groups and share experiences and stuff.

It gives the the willies (no pun intended).

Plus what others have said about mothers/whores.

WoTmania Fri 25-Oct-13 13:10:25

What beachcomber said.
We might gain expectations raise our standards if we all get together and talk about stuff.

Grennie Fri 25-Oct-13 13:19:04

I actually think mumsnet is good at raising women's standards. Look at all those women who have left awful partners because of the advice they have been given in relationships. Telling women they are important too and their needs and desires matter, is actually a pretty revolutionary thing.

No wonder certain papers and men don't like what they are now aware, mumsnet is like.

rosabud Fri 25-Oct-13 20:13:39

Interestingly, one of the first things that an abusive man does in a new relationship is try to drive a wedge between the woman and her close female friends. This distances her from a sense of perspective and ensures he does not need to compete with such friendships for her time and attention. In this instance, the papers concerned are trying to do the same thing. The Daily M has a large female readership, so web-sites like Mumsnet are direct competition.

Anniegetyourgun Sat 26-Oct-13 00:35:34

It's a good thing, isn't it, that these papers don't condone overtly sexualised behaviour by, for example, including photographs of young women posing suggestively in very small bikinis on their web pages alongside unrelated articles. Because that would be hypocritical, if they did that.

Oh wait...

kim147 Sat 26-Oct-13 09:03:28

Apparently Mumsnet has areas like this

"Real Sex Tips” is where it all gets most, ahem, loose lipped. Lizzylou’s confession that “DH likes his knees kissed” is about the only repeatable line. “Lightshinesinthedarkness” is charmingly naïve: “I am serious btw, what is a cock ring?”

One user imparts the comparatively tame tip that “it is a little-known fact that men’s nipples are as sensitive to stimulation as a woman’s”, but alas she has already dropped the f-bomb in her username so it can’t be reprinted here. “Lightshines” is a lone lighthouse in a sea of filth, and a keen proponent of “Original Source Shower Gel”, though she fails to elucidate on what one is supposed to do with it."

A sea of filth grin

www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/health-news/the-dark-side-of-mumsnet-my-shocking-tour-of-the-websites-nether-regions-8905055.html

BuffytheAnyAppleFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 09:25:11

You'd think a broadsheet journalist could find a few synonyms for the word 'filth' hmm. And "over-educated mums" eh. Double hmm

YoniTime Sat 26-Oct-13 10:43:41

It's so bizarre. Are they trying to badmouth MN by saying posters here talk about sex, omg?! Like sexual things are never discussed elsewhere on the internet. The most hypocritical thing was when DM published the article with the usual celeb bikini crap next to it.
It's a strange way to badmouth MN, I thought the favourite methods was to call it a nest of vipers and manhating and such things.

BasilFucker Sat 26-Oct-13 11:04:21

" The Daily M has a large female readership, so web-sites like Mumsnet are direct competition."

Very good point. MN threatens them not only idealogically, but financially as well.

All that shit about things needing to be kept private.

1. Privacy, secrecy, behind closed doors, has always been the friend of the abuser. Vested interests anyone?

2. How is anonymously posting breaching any RL privacy? This isn't about privacy is it, it's about women not even talking about sex theoretically with reference to RL situations with all participants' names redacted.

Men don't want women to acknowledge how they behave behind closed doors. They don't want their dirty little secrets - the coercion, the contempt, the emotional blackmail - being widely known about and acknowledged. If every woman living with a sexual bully or emotional abuser thinks that either everyone lives like this, or that she's the only one and it's because there's something wrong with her, then men get to continue to abuse women without let or hinder. Win win for them. If they all find out that actually, they don't have to put up with it, this seriously threatens the ability of abusive men to abuse with impunity.

Mumsnet has always been a threat to abusive men. Sex as socially constructed is so much bound up with men's abuse of women, that no wonder they are alarmed.

EBearhug Sat 26-Oct-13 11:08:23

Everyone should be getting their sextips from porn, obviously.

It's funny how they focus on the sex & swearing and none of the advice on pregnancy, the huge variety of issues round childrearing, legal advice, employment advice, consumer reviews, education, language, living abroad, chats about literature, health, exercise, cooking, animals, gardening, not to mention feminism, and everything. All human life is here, which includes sex and swearing, but misses out the massive amount of shared information and support on goodness knows how many topics. It might not be the more obscure threads or whatever which go viral, but it's perfectly possible to spend time here without spending your entire time swearing and talking about sex. It's strange how journalists manage to miss that. Almost like they're only looking at the stuff which supports their argument.

YoniTime Sat 26-Oct-13 11:11:32

Interesting, Basil. Do you think that is why those "articles" were written?
It won't shut anyone here up though.

Theoldhag Sat 26-Oct-13 11:20:49

Seems to me that there is a lot of 'anxiety' for many in our society around 'us' wimin finding our true selves and gaining back control of our lives in general after hundreds of years of stripping away our 'wild woman' side.

Anyone read 'women that runs with the wolves'? Fab book!

The pendulum swings and 'we' are finding our inner strength, many find that threatening hmm

rubyanddiamond Sat 26-Oct-13 11:35:46

I read the Independent article. It's just weird. I mean, is it really breaking news that a thread in a forum about conception has the word <whisper> shagging in its title?!? And there's obviously not enough sex on MN as the article has to fill up space with talk of OPKs and mucus ;)

Hadn't thought about the wider context, but you're right OP, it's not great.

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