Join me, if you will, in envisaging the feminist pub

(308 Posts)
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 14:35:54

Inspired by the obvious thread, I feel we need a fictional pub that's as the same sort of mecca for feminists. The antidote to the classic sexist bloke pub, where the floor is sticky and you can't get to the bar without pushing past three Important Regulars peering at your boobs and making blonde jokes, while the barman asks 'are you sure' when you order real ale and the beer for ladies comes in comedy funny-shaped pint glasses for our wee delicate hands.

In the feminist pub, I want to outlaw stupid jokes, obviously. But I also think the bar needs to be at a height that doesn't put my boobs on pint-level for every bloke there. And I would like it if there were etiquette that, when you've got your pint, you don't sit chatting to the barman and taking up space, you move away (I have never seen a woman sit on the edge of a bar, alone).

And I fancy copies of classics like 'Letters from a fainthearted feminist' standing about dog-earned on the bookcases, in place of old back issues of Spectator or random leather-bound books by dead white men.

Shall I apply for a pub lease then? And what else do we want in the feminist pub?

whatdoesittake48 Tue 17-Sep-13 15:54:24

Actually I like the taller curvier pint glasses as my hands are tiny and I have to clutch my drink with two hands - which is annoying if I am wanting to gesticulate with the other.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 15:56:06

Ah, fair point, I do like to gesticulate. grin

I think what bugs me was when someone decided the tall slim pint glasses were ladylike. They make me feel as if I should be drinking lager. envy

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 15:57:34

The pub I was at had photos of the bar man doing stuff like fishing. So we need a few pictures.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 16:01:38

Absolutely!

What pictures shall we have? A few nice ones of Million Women Rise would be good. Plus I think a nice corner with cracked photographs of random women no-one can remember looking resolute and cheery. This seems to be a pub trope with men.

TeiTetua Tue 17-Sep-13 16:17:06

Will there be Babycham?

(Chorus of "No there bloody won't.")

EldritchCleavage Tue 17-Sep-13 16:26:27

No objection to Babycham, as long as I don't have to drink it.

There will be a designated area for people on their own who absolutely do not want to be chatted up or approached or importuned in any way. Which is not to say you can do that in the rest of the pub, just that if you sit in the designated 'Bog Off and Leave Me Alone' area you can't be approached at all, even to be asked where the loos are.

The Sports Lounge will feature women's sport only.

There will be a noticeboard with information about feminism conferences, women's rights campaigns and anything else we decide we want to know about.

TheFallenNinja Tue 17-Sep-13 16:28:03

What would go on the card behind the peanuts?

A sheltered smoking area round the back. Not in an alley and not at the front, as what I'm wearing/whether I look happy/am I with anyone, come under the heading 'None of your fucking business, mate'.

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 17:17:31

The pub also had "jokes" as plaques up. You know the kind.

I think we need some inspirational sayings up on the wall.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 17:31:54

eldritch - nooo!

There must be an area where you go to be chatted up. So if you are feeling a bit frisky you can go sit there, and otherwise you will be delightfully free of random 'yer here on yer own luv?' crap.

I agree with the inspirational sayings. Personally I shall enjoy smoke-darkened beams inscribed with:

“I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that differentiate me from a doormat."

“No woman gets an orgasm from shining the kitchen floor. ”

“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 17:32:24

Btw, what is Babycham?

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 17:46:35
ModeratelyObvious Tue 17-Sep-13 17:46:45

Perry, LRD.

<hopes LRD doesn't ask what perry is>

Sofas in the pub where you can read without being considered boring, please.

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 17:49:14

With decent magazines.

Lower bars as well to suit the average women.

Toilets that were cleaned well.
Baby changing facilities in both male and female toilets.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 17:51:13

That is exactly like me, kim. How did you know?! grin

I have made perry, mind.

And oooh, yes, sofas where you can read, please.

We also surely need a creche. Somewhere you can go, dump the children for a while, get mildly tipsy, sober up, then pick them up again. For those of us sad childless types like me there would be an opportunity to awww over the creche, until we became wide-eyed at the reality. We'd fund it using the money the government would save in paying out for initiatives to educate childless idiots in the realities of small children being annoying.

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 17:55:04

A computer linked only to approved websites grin

It would need to open after the school run.

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 17:56:18

And with MN as the homepage. Naturally. smile

Btw, kim, I'm around in York next week, if you're free for a coffee sometime? It might have to be a bog-standard non-feminist-utopian pub, but still.

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 17:59:47

I'm sure I can find a cafe somewhere with a sofa grin

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti Tue 17-Sep-13 18:03:22

Sounds good! smile

I reckon we also need better music on the feminist pub juke box, but I am not sure what to suggest. Anyone?

Decent wine smile

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 18:06:50

Female singer songwriters.

kim147 Tue 17-Sep-13 18:07:25

And not "Stand by your man" grin

MrsGeologist Tue 17-Sep-13 18:11:06

I think the height of the bar is more to do with stopping drunk people taking a flying leap over the bar. I have no clue if this would be an issue in a feminist pub.

MrsGeologist Tue 17-Sep-13 18:13:54

Also it would not serve this beer.

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