My husband is acting like I am making a fuss about nothing over the way he talks to women.

(86 Posts)
ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 29-Jul-13 09:20:01

I could do with some thoughts.

In the course of his business, he spends a lot of time skyping with people. I bring myself up to speed by reading back through the conversations (this is nothing unusual or covert!, they are business related and I need to know)

I am actually outraged to read him saying things like 'hello young girl, have you read X yet', or 'I know you're a busy young girl', or 'what do you think of x, young girl'.

It is wholly inappropriate and, frankly, makes him sound like a creepy old man.

he maintains that they are quite happy to be talked with like that hmm

I maintain it's unprofessional and patronising, over familiar and flirtatious and that it is an inappropriate way to talk.

And I've yet to read anything along the lines of 'hi there young boy, do you have that report yet...' No, that would be 'hi Bob, have you got that report yet...'

He thinks I am jealous hmm. I am not. I am annoyed that women are being talked down to like this.

Or am I over reacting?

His genuinely baffled and slightly amused reaction has pissed me right off.

leastsaidsoonestmended Wed 31-Jul-13 15:15:04

m.youtube.com/watch?v=7Nk9vSx7nE0&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D7Nk9vSx7nE0

Showing him this clip might make him realise how inappropriate it is.

leastsaidsoonestmended Wed 31-Jul-13 15:29:04

Tis a clip of the Harry Enfield 'Young Man' sketch btw.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Wed 31-Jul-13 17:25:33

Kasey, don't feel a muffins - he must have known that was inappropriate, it wasn't your responsibility to tell him.

TheDoctrineOfAllan Wed 31-Jul-13 18:02:21

If he'd said over and over to a male subordinate "I like how white your teeth look against your dark skin" or something then would you think that guy was a muggins?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 31-Jul-13 19:31:02

Yes, sorry, am fine. This dropped down my list and I didn't realise I was still getting replies blush

Kasey, I am sorry you were subjected to that. I hope that when you told him he was really apologetic!

Caster8 Wed 31-Jul-13 19:48:58

Now seen this thread. So perhaps my point is no longer relevant.

But do these women take it on the chin becuase they want your business? And probably would tell him off about it if it was him that was buying something from them?

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 31-Jul-13 20:05:12

Probably.

But - I hope - I have put a stop to it and I sincerely hope that neither they nor any other woman will have to experience being treated like that at the hands of MY husband at least!

I think he was surprised at how angry I was.

He couldn't understand that I wasn't angry because of jealousy hmm He started off my saying that he didn't have any intentions etc etc hmm

It took ages to get it through to him that I wasn't jealous, I was furious with him that he had demeaned these women who deserve his respect and professional courtesy.

He thought I was mad because I thought he wanted to shag them hmm

He couldn't get it that I was furious with him on their behalf!

Well, he gets it now.

AnyFucker Wed 31-Jul-13 21:07:56

So it is a sexual connotation for him then ?

His first thought was that you objected on a sexual jealousy level ?

Really ?

My benefit of the doubt is slipping fast hmm

AnyFucker Wed 31-Jul-13 21:08:39

I think he just did that "when someone tells you who they are, listen" thing, Hec sad

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Wed 31-Jul-13 21:24:11

I don't know, AF. I don't know whether it was for him, or whether it wasn't but his assumption was that I thought it was.

His first thought was to assume that I was jealous because I was cross about how he was talking with women (or even THAT he was hmm ). I think that he at first would not hear anything beyond 'I read your messages with these women'. He decided what it was I was saying without listening to what I was actually saying.

I don't know whether he was being patronising (because he can also be that to younger people - he is nearly 50 for whoever asked, so not that old) or whether he was being flirty. Or whether he thought he was being friendly and informal. [boggle]

But I don't even care what was going through his mind, I just care that he never again is so disrespectful to these women. I feel dreadful to think how they must have felt to read that, it's so belittling. Can you imagine? Settling down at your desk and reading that? I hope that they called over their colleagues and had a good laugh at him and that they weren't angered or upset.

Anyway, like I say, I hope he gets it now.

now I have made it clear and we will see. If he never does it again, then we will assume it was a lost in translation or a misjudgement. If he continues to talk down to women, then, well, god knows. Let's hope he doesn't.

AnyFucker Wed 31-Jul-13 21:31:24

I hope so too, because it has obviously rattled you. He should get it, as you have made it perfectly clear. Whether he really understands though may be something his individual make-up will never allow to happen.

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