To be baffled at the male assumption that random women will wish to engage in sexual inuendo

(136 Posts)
Greythorne Thu 13-Jun-13 09:01:01

I do a lot of volunteering at my DCs school. I run a library and send out group emails with class info etc. (We are in France).

Yesterday, I send a group email asking for people to return their DCs library books.

One father replied that he would bring the book to the summer fair on saturday. Fine, says I, I will be running the "throw a sponge at the headmaster" stand, so look out for me there.

Father responds: Ooooh, is that the wet tee shirt stand?
Me: Gosh, I hope not. I will be rescinding my offer of help if so.
Father: Oh, don't say that, you might win!
Me: hmm

WTAF? Why? Why? Why?

I am a forty-something happily married mother running a library (FFS) and still I am seen as a target for sexual banter.

And yet so many women don't want to be feminists. Bangs head on desk.

Chubfuddler Thu 13-Jun-13 21:35:28

I pulled up a male colleague today about some every day sexism he aimed my way. I put my head around the door of a team meeting (not my team) I was due to say a few words at to do some cross selling. The meeting hasn't quite started and I just wanted to check the team leader had remembered I was due to come in and it was still ok. This guy on seeing me said "milk two sugars please dear". I completely ignored him at the time but rang him later and pointed out there was no way he would have said that to a man. He apologised.

Back2Two Thu 13-Jun-13 21:48:46

Oh. see, I might say "milk, no sugar thanks love" to a bloke who popped his head round the door of my meeting. It'd be a joke.

Chubfuddler Thu 13-Jun-13 21:49:32

Really? I doubt that.

Greythorne Thu 13-Jun-13 21:50:59

Back2Two

Really?

Like Chub, I am finding that v hard to credit.

HullMum Thu 13-Jun-13 21:59:34

some women like DO wish to be engaged in sexual innuendo. How was the father who made these comments to you supposed to know which camp you fell into?

See op, some people like being sexually harassed at work, you know, despite all the laws against it. So when you politely ignored his first you should have known that other sad women really like being objectified by strangers.

hmm

I'd have probably called him on it and asked him if he thought it was appropriate. Or said I was actually a man with a feminine sounding name but he was welcome to come by and say hello.

HullMum Thu 13-Jun-13 22:01:40

Some people really like racist jokes too, luckily they know (for the most part) to keep the jokes to themselves or only share with other assholes... they don't usually make them to strangers without the risk of being told off

SigmundFraude Thu 13-Jun-13 22:50:04

'So when I see you coming into threads like this to basically laugh at the OP's unreasonableness and use it as an opportunity display your total disdain for feminism, it makes me, for one, probably be unnecessarily sarcastic. Apologies for that.'

I wasn't laughing. Paranoid, much? I was making a point that some women like sexual innuendo. The OP said that she was baffled by the fact that some men assume that women wish to engage in it. I was stating that some men may assume this, because they have probably come across women who have enjoyed it. It's not difficult to understand is it?

SigmundFraude Thu 13-Jun-13 22:51:08

If you don't want a differing selection of replies to your post, don't flippin' post.

Bourdic Thu 13-Jun-13 22:57:19

We have a complete p***k on Gransnet who brings in sexual innuendo completely gratuitously - I think it's a form
of harassment - I report him- they ' have a word'. And then before long the creep is back - this evening he was mocking two posters as virgins who'd never indulged - why the hell should any of us have to put up with this. I have to say however that some of the GN posters indulge him
In a sort of ' boys will be boys way'. And the post remains! What would happen here?

BOF Thu 13-Jun-13 23:38:53

I just don't think it's reasonable for anybody to assume, just because the person with whom you are corresponding is of the opposite sex, that they may well welcome sexual banter, unless you are on a date or something. Context is everything.

NiceTabard Thu 13-Jun-13 23:49:37

So sigmunde's point appears to be, that as some women like "sexual inneundo", it is entirely appropriate for any man to say to any woman what equates to "nice tits" at any time. In this case, the woman was a school volunteer who acts as a librarian, and a male parent said it via email.

Holy fucking moly.

What a ginormous load of shit.

NiceTabard Thu 13-Jun-13 23:53:11

Frankly I like a bit of innuendo, or flirting, from men who I enjoy engaging in that with. When a person "joins in" it is quite obvious, yes? An if they don't join in you STOP. This is basic human interaction.

TBH a person who insists on engaging with "banter" of a sexual nature with a person who is not joining in, in harassing them, IMO. Especially in a situation which is not social (like the OP).

HullMum Fri 14-Jun-13 02:48:21

Anyone else shocked by the goings-on on Gransnet? grin

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Fri 14-Jun-13 06:11:27

Not that paranoid; you only post on feminist topics to disagree.

I'm clearly not the only one to notice it, either. Odd way to pass the time, but each to their own.

PromQueenWithin Fri 14-Jun-13 07:41:51

"The OP said that she was baffled by the fact that some men assume that women wish to engage in it. I was stating that some men may assume this, because they have probably come across women who have enjoyed it. It's not difficult to understand is it?"

It's not difficult to understand at all. It's called male entitlement, and I, for one, think that politeness and respect for women should be the default, with the sexual banter as an option should both parties be amenable. It's just basic, basic, respect, in my view.

And I wasn't hostile to you personally, I was hostile to the "I don't have rules for social interaction" statement, which is patently not only not true but simply there to make the OP feel prudish and ashamed for not being as 'down with the menz' as you are. Sorry you don't like people challenging your "facts".

SigmundFraude Fri 14-Jun-13 08:25:28

'Not that paranoid; you only post on feminist topics to disagree.'

And if there is a thread in AIBU saying 'Is it OK for men to assume ALL women are up for sexual innuendo' you'd stay far away I suppose, even if the OP said 'this is a thread for people who agree with me only'. You would hold back from expressing your opinion? If there is a topic that you disagree with, I don't see any feminist keeping their counsel. far from it. So why do I have to? Such breathtaking double standards, and completely expected.

Sick of you trying to silence me.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Fri 14-Jun-13 08:44:14

Now who's paranoid?

How can anyone silence you? This is a forum; you can go and post where you want.

You came onto this thread and took a deeply disengenuous stance. You're defending behaviour that you know you'd never exhibit yourself (namely, to nudge in sexual innuendo with someone you've never met and have no idea about), just as you inevitably disagree on all feminist topics.

And then when people pick you up on it - you get your knickers in a twist.

What did you expect, really?

How are we supposed to react to you? You clearly think feminism is a load of twaddle, you say as much on any given thread. Are we just supposed to tolerate your disdain for it? Why can't we pull you up on it, and disagree?

Argue right back, then.

As far as I can make out, the only person who'd be silencing you would be you. You know, if it occurred to you that you'd been rumbled, and you were, perhaps, a little embarrassed. If this doesn't describe you, then stand your ground!

Chubfuddler Fri 14-Jun-13 08:48:03

Yes I agree with prom queen. This isn't evens feminist viewpoint, although feminist would share it. It's just a "being a person" thing.

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 08:51:11

I find it extraordinary. But it's like groping, it's not about you, it's about them, and what they want. That little twinge in the Yfronts when they say Benny Hill things.

Basically they are just raving wankpots

fanjobiscuits Fri 14-Jun-13 08:54:01

I would be tempted to forward to his OH and ask her to have a word...

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 08:54:48

yes, like the woman who sent that man's penis shot to his mum. There should be a lot more of that.

Hullygully Fri 14-Jun-13 08:54:57

I love that woman.

Bourdic Fri 14-Jun-13 09:12:46

Exactly Hully - that's why I found the p***k on GN so creepy - I know he's getting off on it. And I know it's almost certainly the case that he can't get it off any other way - yuk!!

PromQueenWithin Fri 14-Jun-13 09:18:08

Nah, not trying to silence you, just disagreeing with you.

Please, continue with your argument that we are all just entitled harpies for finding the poor man offensive and rude, when all he wanted to do was just engage in banter about how well a fellow parent at their dc's school that he'd never met would do in a wet t-shirt competition.

Chubfuddler Fri 14-Jun-13 09:36:41

ARF

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now