Small things that make you angry and you feel you can't mention elsewhere

(584 Posts)
MalenkyRusskyDrakonchik Tue 11-Jun-13 17:08:20

I was thinking that maybe we need one of those threads that reminds us we all have much more in common with each other, than any of us does with the misogynistic bigots. smile

I don't know what the feministy equivalent of 'first world problem' is, but I bet there are loads of things you've been itching to point out annoy you, but don't start an AIBU about, or don't moan to your colleague/DH/mates about because it feels insignificant.

Maybe we can all have a good moan here - and maybe back each other up that these things typically aren't so small and insignificant really!

I will go first. I noticed the other day how, when I'm walking down a pavement, I automatically move to the side out of the way of busy men striding along with briefcases. Even when I'm busy. confused Why do I do that? And how come I feel rude - and do get funny looks - when I don't do that?

TerrariaMum Fri 16-Aug-13 12:36:53

OK, not sure if this has been mentioned before, but it bothers me that I always always feel guilty for bringing a small buggy on the bus even if the bus is empty and then if/when the bus fills, I feel even worse about making people move to let me get off. I should add that atm I am also carrying a baby in a sling. Why do I feel this way? can you guys help?

EduCated Bosnia-Herzegovina Thu 15-Aug-13 17:19:00

There's a load of crap adverts at the moment: McCoys man crisps, the Warburtons single dad and two that I've forgotten since I started writin this post!

Shaky Tue 13-Aug-13 22:39:02

The McCoys crisps advert gets my goat, they are "MAN Crisps"

My ds was wearing his sun glasses yesterday. My sister said "WTF is he doing with those, they've got pink flowers on"

I said "So what? He chose them himself, who cares what colour they are?"

She was also a bit bemused by the fact that he has got a doll.

If last night's horizon is right GPs are going to replaced by iPhones and apps.

SinisterSal Tue 13-Aug-13 19:28:00

wait til you see, doctoring will lose it's status once women start doing it (more and more now) what do GP's know eh? they are nearly as bad as HV's!

SummerHoliDidi Tue 13-Aug-13 19:24:08

Amanda I haven't read that one, but I'll maybe go and have a look at it now.

Kiwiinkits I always knew that those facebook ads were directed at who they think is their target audience, but I hadn't quite put it together that gender is such a huge part of that. Then again, my parents both get the same ads - saga and over 50's life insurance, it seems when you're old it doesn't matter what gender you are. I keep trying to tell them that I don't want to see adverts about babies, but they are paying no attention to me sad

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom Tue 13-Aug-13 19:22:20

Sauce. IMO it probably comes from other children. Who have picked it up in a lot of different places. I've heard children tell others at playgroup "you can't be a train driver, you're a girl", etc and actually said to the child and to mine right there and then that they have got muddled up and that's not true (gentle words given it's a child, and not mine!!). It actually doesn't take many children with strongly gendered views to impact on quite a group of children.

The doctor thing baffles me, as nearly all the GPs at both practices we have used are female too.

The thread has moved on a bit so apologies.... DD was bought a pink nurses outfit for her 3rd birthday. I referred to it as a doctor's outfit and she said "no doctors aren't girls" - now the only doctor she could have any memory of is a woman. I am careful about what she watches on TV. How has this happened? Her nursery wouldn't be so narrow minded I'm sure hopes

Anyway - the outfit has been stashed away. She can be a nurse if she wants - but not because she thinks she can't be a doctor.

Woodhead Tue 13-Aug-13 18:41:19

Kiwiinkits I don't use facebook, but I've seen those "lose belly fat ones" and have never thought too hard about them being directed to me by reason of my gender. So do blokes not see those ones? Argh.

Blistory Tue 13-Aug-13 17:01:31

<shoots herself>

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 16:52:41

I cant shield them from stuff, but I can lay the good foundations, and give them the tools they need. I am fully aware of what they will encounter, and call people out on it daily.

Blistory Tue 13-Aug-13 16:23:26

Petey, please stop posting for just a little while and read what people are saying. It is getting increasingly difficult to read these threads and to see that you are continuously missing the point.

I appreciate that you think you are giving great advice but you're not - you are putting various posters down time and time again.

You sound very much like a lot of men who come on here and tell us that us women have got it wrong and here's how we should be doing it properly. You have posted some pretty sexist comments, some victim blaming comments and you don't seem to realise when you're being called out on it.

You have a great life by all accounts and well done on ensuring that there's no sexism in your life. I hate to patronise you but do you really think you're going to be able to protect your daughters from it just because it doesn't happen in your house ? You need to be aware of what they are going to encounter at school, at higher education, at work, dealing with organisations etc and to find a way to do it that doesn't blame them for not being tough enough or kick ass enough.

I really don't mean to criticise you but it's been post after post across various threads and you're still not listening to anyone.

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 15:27:28

No because my mum drilled in it to me. I definitely made dh prove himself he used to drop my ironed uniform and highly polished shoed back to me on a morning in first few months of us together. Its hard to strike the right balance when your young and passionate, but you live and learn.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Tue 13-Aug-13 15:24:51

Oh, ok, yes, that is OTT - I was basing the comment on the other thread, where my impression was you were saying you were just a slob as most people are when they're first in their own places.

I do think it is important not to use the language that suggests women are automatically unreasonable, though.

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 15:21:33

I think I was a bit selfish looking back as I had dh running around like a blue assed fly. He cooked for me, ironing and polished my shoes etc this is something I have talked about in depth be for. I have realised that I can still show other people they dont have to accept that but without taking it so far.

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 15:18:09

Another is when I was 20 I had owned my own property for nearly 2 years that I bought with no help from anyone, and no mans name on it, or mand help with the mortgage. When I went to Nationwide to discuss a remortgage the man started telling dh stuff about it he said Its nothing to do with me its my wives place I dont have a clue about this type of thing. He looked rather perplexed, and I just gave him a smug smile.

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Tue 13-Aug-13 15:15:24

It's not 'selfish' to be young and slobby - it's normal. And your mum wasn't 'strident'.

These are pretty woman-blaming words. You can get beyond this attitude, I think.

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 15:09:36

Sorry lrd x post. I mean I was selfish when I was younger as I took things so far the other way I wouldnt do any housework at all. It is because I feel so strongly about it. I do stuff now and do think it was because my mum was so strident, and I was so determined this wouldnt happen to me

I am a very big loudmouth when it comes to this in rl. I will not accept it in the slightest, and I dont want my dds to ever have to do it either

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 15:05:53

This one is something old school men do, but the way dh and some if his other dad colleagues do I love. Things like when dh takes time off for the children being sick and his bosses make arsey comments. The last time dh said well soon my wife is going to be trained in a profession and will be the main breadwinner by a significant amount so its something that will have to be accomodated when the children are sick.

When he took his paternity leave they tried to guilt trip him out of it and he said well you dont have a child every day so the team will have to manage.

Love this and thet know they havent got a leg to stand on and just go off grumbling wink

LRDYaDumayuShtoTiKrasiviy Tue 13-Aug-13 15:02:08

petey, I'm glad you are feeling better.

Your post reminds me - women who still think 'equality' is a 'selfish' desire. sad

It is so upsetting to see women who have internalized this so much that they don't even notice it.

I know you will understand I am thinking of your own thread, but I couldn't help posting as I do urge you to recognize the problems with this sort of thing. Ultimately, woman-blaming is going to grind women down.

peteypiranha Tue 13-Aug-13 14:57:07

Anyone who thinks men cant do childcare or household tasks

Anyone that tries to excuse men from doing this by making a joke out of it or saying thats what men are like whether that is the man or a woman saying it

Anyone that stereotypes our dds as because they are girld

All these things send me and dh crazy, but neither of us are quiet about it. We tell people we encounter with these views how wrong they are

mirai Tue 13-Aug-13 13:34:56

In conversation with my mum:

Mum: Bob and Sue got your wedding thank you card. They loved the photo.
Me: Oh that's good. DH hasn't written his yet, I need to give him a kick up the bum!
Mum: Oh couldn't you do them dear? Poor DH is so busy at work after all.
Me: <splutters>

I work longer hours than him!

scallopsrgreat Tue 13-Aug-13 13:30:41

I had an incident the other week which I would have just written off before taking the blue pill (or was it the red?). Anyway I was walking down the street with my youngest who is 21 months. We were walking all of about 200 yds. It was a very hot day and he didn't have a hat on because we couldn't find it in the mess we call our hall. Cue postman stopping me and proceeding to tell me how I should put a hat on him because the sunlight is dangerous to small children.

Now this man didn't know where we'd walked from or where we were going to yet he felt it necessary to stop me (in the shade I hasten to add as about half the walk was in the shade anyway!) and give me the benefit of his wisdom. Wisdom I couldn't possibly have known, obviously.

But not only that he didn't feel the need to stop my partner who was a about 30 yards ahead with my very fair-headed eldest child (3 yrs old) who also wasn't wearing a hat. No it was only necessary to subject me to his dissemination of knowledge.

I did refrain from yelling "YES I KNOW" and just gave him the look and a "Yes, thank you for your help" in a not altogether unsarcastic voice.

AmandaPandtheTantrumofDoom Tue 13-Aug-13 07:48:21

Didi- Have you seen last night's Wifework thread. That one got quite an airing!

Kiwiinkits Tue 13-Aug-13 01:48:16

Ever compared the advertising on your Facebook page to your husband's? Prepare to be disgusted. Mine: lose that belly fat! Starvation diet! Baby clothes! His: hot Asian chick, loves to be spanked! Massive titted women ready to meet you!
An absolute wake up call. hmm

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