Random acts which betray how we've been programmed to think about gender stereotypes.....(56 Posts)
....or something like that.
Basically I just chose a new toothbrush from the multipack DH and I share. The choices were blue, green, purple and pink. I always use the pink, he always uses the blue, the other colours are more of a toss-up.
I've noticed that I do this (automatically choose the 'girliest' colour) and have tried not to do it as it's madness (it's a toothbrush FGS). However, I then find myself forgetting which toothbrush is mine and gravitating towards the 'girliest' of the options available. This has occasionally meant that both DH and I use the same brush for ages whilst the other sits there and gathers dust
So what do you lot find yourselves doing/thinking that you kind of wish you didn't?
Oh, and I know a gay couple (men) who split household chores using a 'pink list' and a 'blue list'. You can probably guess the sort of things on each list...
My DH does the bins, because they're smelly & I don't want to!
He does all the DIY, but then he is a builder.
He also does all the sewing. I don't have the patience.
Actually, I think he might do everything practical (I do paperworky/computer stuff)! Except the laundry because I have lots of specifications about what can and can't go with each other and what kind of cycle everything must go on. He does his work clothes though. Too mucky to go in with anything else!
I mow the lawn, but 'no' to pink toothbrushes. I don't like pink.
Not household based here, but I made a really embarrassing assumption recently when I met the minister of a church. Her name was eunice, which is not a name I am familiar with, and I introduced myself at the desk and said I am here to see the minister, and referred to her as a 'he', oh no, the lady said, the minister is not a he......
I was absolutely mortified.
Beamur you don't know your own strength. That's why I never use that method for opening jars. The rubber band one is my preferred method.
Last time I tried the tapping the jar trick to open it I somehow managed to smash the jar...can't I just make use of the man as he's here?
I did actually challenge a colleague who when asked what he was doing that evening said he was 'babysitting' - when it transpired they were his own kids, I did ask him 'is that not just, parenting?'
Yeah the baby sitting one annoys me. "Is DH babysitting? Err no, the children are with their Dad.
I find its more other peoples perceptions than mine/DH's
Bins are easier for him as we have steps and he has the size and physical power to do it easily.
We do however get a look when he says his kitchen. But the one that really winds us up is when people say he is babysitting our kids when I go out, they are both of our kids and WE DO NOT FUCKING BABYSIT THEM! As DH says babysitting is what we are doing when we have other peoples kids.
Lrd his whole family do it. "next door is trying to sell his house ".
I kept asking "ooh is there just one person living in that big house" but only Dh got what I was trying to say. In fairness he does understand why it winds me up.
I have a blue toothbrush, (because it was the first one on the shelf in 99p stores) I also put the bins out, cut the grass and do any heavy lifting required in the house (DH suffers with his back after a slipped disc). DD wears DS' s hand me downs and hss Kickboxing lessons
Has Mumsnet turned me into a feminist?
And I don't make DH's sandwiches for work.
Bit of a random question, maybe: do you ever encounter gender-stereotyping attitudes from other people (wrt to colour/jobs etc) when you're not expecting them?
I'm thinking of a gay friend of mine - she and her partner have a DS and we spend a lot of time together as we're both SAHMs, live near each other and my DS1 and her DS are almost the same age. She has occasionally commented on things DS1 is wearing/playing with, saying stuff like 'That's a bit girly!'. I always respond that I'm sure he doesn't care and we carry on as before. I'm always slightly surprised by her comments though.
I guess I feel that an openly gay person will already have been confronted by the 'boys like girls and vice versa' attitude of society and has chosen to show that they feel differently. So, reasonably or unreasonably, I expect her to not automatically accept other stereotypical nonsense like 'boys like blue/girls like pink/boys are rough/girls are dainty'. Also we tend to agree on most other things, so this sticks in my head as one of the few topics upon which I beg to differ
Hopefully that was coherent and I haven't offended anyone. I would be interested to hear any opinions!
We both sew, so that's good. DH can operate a sewing machine but I can't. He can even darn socks, which I also can't. In fact I'm quite impressed with that.
Another tip for opening jars: if you can put a rubber band round it it gives you a better grip. I've opened many a jam jar using that method.
Yet another tip: bottle opener to release the seal. Then it opens easily.
I bought some of those bubbles the other day, borntofolk. Having checked them, I can confirm that I bought Cars rather than Princesses. I'm sure my DSs will neither notice or care
I'm a single parent too, so do everything. I was doing some painting outside a few weeks ago and a neighbour came by and said "oooh, aren't you good for doing that!", I laughed along but seriously, who did she think was going to do it if I didn't? 5 year old DS?!
A couple of years ago, I was going to buy DS some bubbles. The mix came in two bottles - Disney Princess or Cars. They didn't have any Cars ones left so I didn't buy any. I was half way down the street before I thought "that was a really stupid thing to do! DS doesn't care if there are Princesses on the bottle, he'd just like bubble" but I guess the conditioning of "Princesses for girls, Cars for boys" took over.
I put the bins out in our house, I mowed the lawn before we moved but we have a bigger lawn now so have bought a flashy new
toy gadget lawnmower so dh has decided he likes doing it
We do have a number of stereotypey roles. DH drives, we used to share but he's a DREADFUL passenger so I refuse to drive him unless he particularly wants a drink at the other end. He drills, I sew. I cook, he washes the cars. We're both good at the things we do so it works for us. I do the majority of the housework and childcare but I work fewer than half the hours that he does so fair enough really. I went away for the weekend last week and I came back to a tidy house and happily entertained, well fed children so he's just as good at it as I am.
The worst case of stereotyping I have encountered is when I was caught by a speed camera a couple of years ago. I was driving, dd1 was in the passenger seat. We were in dh's car which I'm fully insured for etc etc. When the notice came through I signed it and sent it back saying it was me rather than dh driving. I got a letter back asking me to call as there was a problem - the bloke that I spoke to when I rang wouldn't have it that I was driving as there were two people in the front and the car was in dh's name... fucking cheek of it... he was stopping just short of outright accusing me of trying to do a Chris Huhne/Vicki Price type points thing but it was very heavily implied. He only backed off when I informed him that if he didn't believe me I could easily get medical proof that it wasn't dh driving, as he was seriously ill in hospital at the time and couldn't even bloody walk never mind do 68mph in a 60 zone on the A52 near bloody Grantham. Wanker. It was two years ago and I'm still bloody cross about it now.
Re opening jars: If a tight jar is big DH can open it easier than me because his larger hands provide more grip. Conversely I am better at opening small jars because my smaller hands provide more grip.
Boasting here because I have an enormously strong grip. However, hubris as got me because I now have arthritis in my hands and my grip strength is getting weaker, so am dreading the day when I have to give up and say "Darling, can you open this jar for me please?" - all nice and fluffy like.
That's interesting stealth, everyone I know will refer to 'womanpartner's house and especially to 'womanpartner's kitchen', whereas a shared car is 'manpartners' car'. My uncle's new partner spent the best part of six months assuming we had two cars because every time she referred to 'DHName'sCar' we'd correct her and say it was mine, so 'naturally' she assumed that the little Mazda in the parking spot was my runaround and DH's car was elsewhere.
Cos he couldn't not have one, could he?
Bless her, she's a nice woman though.
I feel I've 'arrived' in my feminist ways!
I do grass, bins, driving etc...
The only thing I don't like doing is anything that involves height, so changing a light bulb can be challenging however I force myself to do it on occasion.
but not the one in the landing that's over the stairs and involves leaning off the step ladder, I don't have a death wish and it requires someone with more height then me
that said I do do bins, and driving is shared according to who can be bothered / fancies having a drink if we're going out.
Dh hoovers as standard (i do do it sometimes but it's his job ) everything else is strictly gender stereotyped not deliberately, and he will, say, stack the dishwaaher or stick a wash on but I'm the one who does it in general he and his family also talk about "x's house" etc where x is the male half of the couple. Grr.
I also have to call him in if I get a jar I can't open..
Whack the edge of the lid on the work top, it will open.
I am taking the grass warnings on board
and mentally delegating .
I have a positive one for this thread though.
When we first got married I got fairly narked with DH, because although he's not, like, awful, he's not brilliant either. Your standard 'AIBU to think my husband is ...' with anyfucker being pithy in response. And we had some heated arguments and I read Wifework and so on.
And I knew we'd changed some behaviours, but I didn't think we'd really shifted how either of us felt about it all. Ie., I still felt as if I'd be 'judged' on a messy home and he still felt the level of mess was perfectly acceptable, but he cleared up anyway cos he could see why I felt how I did. And one of the things he said was he'd do the hoovering.
However, I have recently noticed that when the carpet gets messy, it does not bother me in the slightest. I genuinely don't 'see' the mess until DH gets the hoover out, at which point I dimly register it needed doing and looks much nicer now.
Good, innit? One very small step for LRD, etc. etc.
DH was away for a week recently, during which time I found myself managing to empty bins and ferry the recycling to its appropriate home quite easily
did sprain something in my hand when attempting to open a magically-sticking-to-table baby bowl though.
I was slightly upon his return about all the times I'd ranted at him for not emptying the bin and how I couldn't possibly manage it during the course of the day whilst juggljng a baby and a toddler! Of course I bloody managed it. It was fine. Yet now he's back, I have resumed my old routine.
Must. Resist. Entropy.
Is grass heavy?!
You'd better believe it. Try lifting a bin full of damp grass (mind you, I doubt you would have to carry it down two flights of stairs)
Seriously, it is very heavy.
Heavy lifting done by dh woth good reason.
With us, I tend to put out the bins (although dh does at the moment as I've broken my leg). I do all the gardening (ordinarily), DIY, dusting, hoovering and ironing. Dh does all the food shopping and cooking.
I tend to drive (unless there's an issue about who's going to abstain from wine, in which case we take it in turns) because 'my' car is the big comfortable family one that he hates driving and I refuse to set foot in his manky little
rubbish tip fierce one. I hate being driven anyway too much of a control freak.
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