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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

I thought I'd heard it all...

49 replies

ThreeBeeOneGee · 22/04/2013 16:52

At school today, DS1 was given a letter addressed to DH & me, using our academic titles and our (shared) surname, e.g. Prof & Prof OneGee.

More than one of DS1's classmates noticed the way the envelope was addressed amd several times he was asked if has two dads!

The fact that they think we are a gay couple doesn't bother me, but is that really the first scenario that pops into their head, rather than the possibility that a woman might have an academic title?

The university we both attended has been awarding degrees to women since the 1880s. I didn't realise it was breaking news.

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HullMum · 22/04/2013 18:33

it's sad isn't it!

LightAFire · 22/04/2013 18:39

Depressing. I heard one of my DD's classmates (7) announcing the other day that when she grew up she was just going to have a husband to do all the work and pay for everything. So no need to think about a job etc...

JennyFromTheB0g · 22/04/2013 18:42

That's sad alright. I don't have so much as a degree but I would hope that my own children wouldn't make that assumption.

BasilBabyEater · 22/04/2013 18:42

Sign of the times...

Look how far the status of homosexual men has come.

Look how not far the status of women has come.

BasilBabyEater · 22/04/2013 18:43

In some ways it's heartening that it was that assumption though.

Rather than that it must just be a misprint.

StuffezLaYoni · 22/04/2013 18:46

It does make me feel sad when I hear children making these assumptions, as you know they're not even being provocative - it's just the way they think things should be.
In my previous teaching job I remember saying to my class that Mr HeadTeacher's boss was visiting today and she would want to see them all on best behaviour - they pissed themselves at the notion of Mr Head having a woman boss.
It prompted a change to our pshe lesson that week in which I depressed myself even further by doing a session on "women's jobs" and "men's jobs." It was quite shocking.

JennyFromTheB0g · 22/04/2013 19:03

I was looking at the lego figures my son collects yesterday. the girl ones are mermaids and the boy ones are judges

JennyFromTheB0g · 22/04/2013 19:03

i suspect being a mermaid pays about 7.65 an hour.

TunipTheVegedude · 22/04/2013 19:12

It's funny isn't it?

In my village there still seems to be denial about homosexuality, despite the pub being run by a gay couple - I was asked by some kids from dcs' school if it was true people of the same sex could get married because my kids said I had said it was, but their parents said it wasn't. (And I don't think they were just being pedantic about civil partnerships being slightly different.)

However I was assumed to not be married to dh because we have different surnames. Now, it was a sign of progress in that there was no judgement about us not being married, but I was amazed this was so unusual it hadn't crossed the preschool manager's mind that I might just have kept my own surname.

BasilBabyEater · 22/04/2013 19:34

LOL at the going rate for a mermaid.

LightAFire · 22/04/2013 20:28

Also a friend of mine wanted to buy my 7yo DD a puzzle book as she loves them. She went into a bookshop and asked what Usborne do for that age group. They had "puzzles for boys" in blue, full of pirates etc, then the girls' equivalent was mainly stickers and colouring and fairies. Now DD does like stickers and colouring too, but friend was quite annoyed at the division! She sensibly bought the boys' one and told my DD it was nonsense that only boys like puzzles...

And (sorry, getting on my soap box now) DD was given a big book of "Girls' Stuff" all full of lists like "what's hot and what's not" clothes-wise, and things to discuss at sleepovers. The content just depressed me - I know they've tried gender neutral studies and they don't tend to work, but still, aren't publishers making some huge assumptions about girls? And doesn't it risk pushing them more that way if they're not being encouraged to try other things and instead presented with a "this is what makes a girl" concept as a fait accompli?

I suppose I'd just rather they were presented with a choice - if they then go into jewellery and fairies, fair enough!

TunipTheVegedude · 22/04/2013 20:33

Yes, Usborne are a nightmare.

StuffezLaYoni · 22/04/2013 20:39

You know I'm sure Usborne didn't used to be. I recently took in a pile of my old Usborne puzzle book from my childhood, so probably mid eighties. There always seemed to be a good boy/girl duo solving whatever mystery - no silly "you stay here and keep hidden, Josephine, while I follow the smugglers."

Numberlock · 22/04/2013 20:50

Raised and living in a patriarchy, why are we even surprised?

LightAFire · 22/04/2013 21:06

There was that lovely Lego ad from the 80s doing the rounds recently - seems things were better then! Why have we gone backwards?!

TigerSwallowTail · 22/04/2013 21:13

I heard one of my DD's classmates (7) announcing the other day that when she grew up she was just going to have a husband to do all the work and pay for everything. So no need to think about a job etc...

My mum used to always say this to me when I was young light, that I should try and find a man with money, not be successful and have a good career, but to marry someone rich .

LightAFire · 22/04/2013 21:43

Know what you mean Tiger! My mum was told herself not to bother going to uni since she would "Only get married and have kids anyway" by her mother.

My DD got a lecture on Victorian times, being owned by men, independence, etc etc. Which obviously she really appreciated

lazarusb · 24/04/2013 17:39

Dd is nearly 13 and her whole class laughed at her when they were talking about their plans for their lives as adults. Dd wants to stay single, work as a teacher & be financially independent. She wants a nice flat and a cat. Even her teacher told her it was weird for a girl to want to be single & not have children. Dd found it as annoying as I did.

Jenny0101 · 24/04/2013 18:49

ha! my daughter is like yourS. She wants her own money.

"once upn a time a man asked a girl to marry him, the girl said "no!" and she lived happily ever after, and went shopping, dancing and drinking, she always had a clean house, never cooked and looked fabulous all the time. the end."

I saw that on a greeting card and my daughter wanted to know why I was laughing! We had a laugh!

Greythorne · 24/04/2013 19:10

I was telling a story about my Grandmother and her care in hospital by a senior consultant. Two people I was telling the story completely lost the thread because I was saying "she" for my Grandmother and "she" for the consultant and they could not work out what I meant.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 24/04/2013 19:26

Her teacher said that? FFS!

lazarusb · 24/04/2013 22:41

I know - I just can't imagine anyone saying that to a boy - what? you don't want to get married and/or have children?!

I'm pleased she wants to be independent. Ds does too. I've always had my own money and wouldn't have it any other way. My Mum worked full-time, had it paid into a joint account and was given a monthly allowance every month by her husband. I just couldn't face living like that!

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WomanlyWoman · 25/04/2013 12:01

@Lightafire wondered what you meant by "they've tried gender neutral studies and they don't tend to work"? Do you know the Let Toys be Toys campaign btw, campaigning for toys/books etc to be aimed at children, rather than specifying ?boys? or ?girls?? The way toys are so highly gendered today, much more so than even 10/15 years ago, it?s little wonder children are growing up with such sad ideas as only a man can be a professor.

ThreeBeeOneGee · 25/04/2013 14:53

I grew up in a family where it was usual for women to have careers (both my grandmothers did) and I had a range of toys, from dolls to remote controlled cars and a N-gauge train set. In all the photos I have seen of me as a baby / toddler / young child, I am only wearing pink in one of them.

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StuffezLaYoni · 25/04/2013 20:54

Lazarus, that teacher needs a kick in the backside. I am a single teacher, own money, own house, own cat. It's great! Please tell you daughter that!

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