This Morning

(35 Posts)
blackcurrantjan Mon 25-Mar-13 15:08:51

Hi all, it's my first time posting in this section and I'm not sure if I'm overeacting about this. This morning on 'This Morning' there was a woman on talking about having a very difficut birth which contibuted to her having pnd. The whole focus of the story was centred on how she didn't feel like having sex for fourteen months afterwards and how hard this would have been on her DH.

I understand that it was a relevant part of the story, but instead of focusing on how the lack of intimacy affected their relationship for both of them, Ruth Langsford, who I usually like, took the slant of her 'wifely duties' being neglected. She actually said something along the lines of "After adusting to becoming a mother you have to return to being a wife again". i.e. being a wife = providing your DH with sex hmm And "Did you worry he would start to look elsewhere?". The women then went on to say that after having her second dc she lost control of her bladder meaning she leaked urine constantly before having operation to correct it. Ruth again brought up the point of 'no sex' saying, "Your DH probably thought "here we go again!" in a roll your eyes kind of manner. I felt more appropriate questions would have been "Is this a common probem?, hw did you manage; pads etc? It must have been hard for your DH to see you suffer like this ?"

I suffered from PND myself and I can only imagine how difficult it would be care for a new baby while having no control over your bladder, it made me really mad that the whole conversation focused around her poor DH not being able to have sex with her. Would love to here your thoughts on this... maybe I am looking too much into it but it scares me to think if I hadn't been reading the F/WR boards I may not have even noticed what a strange angle the story was being told from. (apologies for enormous post)

KoalaFace Mon 25-Mar-13 15:16:02

I didn't see it but I don't like the sound of it. At all.

Doesn't sound helpful, supportive or particularly informative.

This Morning brings me out in a rage and I can no longer watch it. This would have annoyed me too. - "Poor Dh" is their angle on most things.

EduCated Mon 25-Mar-13 15:34:51

I don't know what has happened to This Morning. It's turned into a steaming pile of misogynistic, sensationalist shite sad

DaffodilAdams Mon 25-Mar-13 15:37:04

I didn't see it either but this smacks of "Women suck it up. Your job is to provide support and service your husband, not receive support and have real problems/needs"

Did they ask how much support her husband had given her because there is certainly a correlation between PND and lack of support.

KoalaFace Mon 25-Mar-13 15:43:49

And you know what else? I'm sick of the amount of women who are constantly taking up the 'fight' for men. Seen it constantly lately.

"So many women falsely accuse men of rape. I think rape is much rarer than some women would have you believe." - from idiot woman caller on radio who thinks the Jimmy Saville information has a load of "opportunistic" women coming out of the woodwork. Aaaagh!

"Well if she isn't having sex with her husband as often as he'd like, of course he'll get it elsewhere." - from distant relative about her BIL who had an affair.

I think they believe it makes them appealing to men. "Look how cool and understanding of men I am!" confused

DaffodilAdams Mon 25-Mar-13 15:47:00

Yes the focus is always on women's behaviour not men's (bad) behaviour.

Did they not even raise that the problems this woman had are pretty common for pregnancy and giving birth? It can damage your body and lead to lifelong problems. Why isn't that being highlighted more?

Darkesteyes Mon 25-Mar-13 17:20:30

I saw a tweet from a fellow feminist last week that said they did a slot asking whether its a womans fault if her husband cheats confused

I will bet a penny to a pinch of shit though that if they were talking about wives who are cheating they wouldnt be blaming the husbands though.

On their programme the wives would be copping the blame in both situations.

blackcurrantjan Mon 25-Mar-13 17:43:46

No they did not ask about her husband supporting her at all. The particular problems this woman had were not specifically described as commom problems or even problems at all. The were more viewed as reasons behind the major common problem of not being able to have sex after giving birth. confused They refered to surveys which said the average was four months which Ruth said seemed like a long time. It makes me sad to think that not only is there pressure on women to loose there "baby weight" as quick as possible but now they are also encouraged to start having sex again as soon as possible, not because they want to but to make sure their DHs dont get bored and look elsewhere hmm

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Mon 25-Mar-13 18:18:05

Sounds crap. Also sounds like the usual "women are gatekeepers" bullshit - my DH wouldn't want to have sex with me if I felt too ill for sex, and if I felt too ill for sex, I'd be pretty glum about missing out on sex - vice versa if DH was the ill one. It's like we're both compassionate human beings who love each other, or something.

FrimFrimMcWeasel Mon 25-Mar-13 19:06:12

Sounds horrendous.

Watch something else is my advice, vote with your feet remote.

landofsoapandglory Mon 25-Mar-13 19:13:40

The article was called Childbirth left me terrified of sex which is, probably, why it focused on sex, tbh.

FrimFrimMcWeasel Mon 25-Mar-13 20:20:16

Were the viewing public and the actual person being interviewed aware at the time that the piece was entitled "childbirth left me terrified of sex" or is that the title that the website people have decided to give it after the event and based on the (apparently singleminded) direction the interviewers took with it though.

Sounds to me like the woman thought she was going to talk about her medical problems subsequent to childbirth but all the interviewers were interested in was sex and telling her she should have been having it when she wasn't able/interested.

FrimFrimMcWeasel Mon 25-Mar-13 20:27:38

Although to be fair, I haven't watched it.

Is it introduced as "here is a woman who was terrified of sex after childbirth" or something else.

blackcurrantjan Mon 25-Mar-13 20:45:09

Yes but my point is why is that the title and the focus of the conversation when the woman clearly had so much more to say. She said after having the traumatic birth she blamed her ds and felt like she was growing away from him rather than closer to him. It was really upsetting and it sounded like the woman had a horrendous time but the interviewer just brushed past this and asked a question about sex/affect on her dh etc. And the whole coversation continued like this. She spoke about having "no control of her waterworks" after her second birth to which the interviewer replied "Your husband probably thought here we go again", as in 'no sex'.

FrimFrimMcWeasel Mon 25-Mar-13 20:47:38

It sounds horrendous blackcurrant.

Doesn't sound like the woman being interviewed thought it was going to be all about how awful it was for her DH not to get a bunk up because she was selfish enough to have health issues after childbirth. Women, eh? What are they like.

Darkesteyes Mon 25-Mar-13 20:51:57

This Morning is a load of mysogynistic right wing bullshit. The TV equivilent of Closer magazine.

JoCheshire10 Mon 25-Mar-13 20:57:08

I thought the same thing-focused on sex when I was more interested in the GPs explanation of her condition and they kept cutting her off to ask the woman about sex.

The woman herself explained that her dh was really supportive so I was gobsmacked when Ruth asked whether she was worried he'd go elsewhere! Should be the last thing on her mind if she trusts her supportive husband. Imagine she was more concerned with bonding with her baby (which she said she struggled with, with pnd) her conditions and getting through the day!! Madness-Ruth and Eamonn get on my nerves angry

Also 4 months abstaining after childbirth doesn't seem overly long in my view.....

estereggs Sun 31-Mar-13 11:22:41

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Lessthanaballpark Sun 31-Mar-13 12:18:07

This reminds me of another thread kicking about at the mo about a DH going for a lap dance while his DW was at home with the newborn. Some bright spark of a poster expressed sympathy for the DH as he was probably sexually frustrated!

Darkesteyes Sun 31-Mar-13 16:22:53

And then another poster has come on the same thread to say that "women dont actually like sex #EverydaySexism

Darkesteyes Sun 31-Mar-13 16:24:56
blackcurrantjan Tue 02-Apr-13 01:08:37

yes JoCh I felt it was rather insulting to her husband and men in general, painting them as some kind of horny baboons desperate to have sex with exhausted wives as soon as their discharged from hospital.

And I agree with TheDoctrine about women being seen as 'gatekeepers'. I think this is quite common in society and has been for a long time. I read an article someone posted here a while ago about the affects of pornography on men in terms of how they view women and its contributations to rape culture. It said that it caused men to view sex as something they do too women rather than something they both do together.

I'm sure that this is true but I think that sex is also and has always been seen as something men get from women rather than something they do together. I have often heard young men talk about 'getting the ride off her' etc, either their DPs/GFs or women they have had one night stands with. They do not say 'We had sex' or even 'we rode'. This attitude can not only be associated with modern men from the sexually liberated society of today, however. In the past where people were expected to wait until they married to have sex it was seen as 'wifely duties' or something women did for their husbands and this was just 'getting the ride off her' in another form.

I don't mean to generalize and I'm not suggesting all men view sex in this way but it is an attitude I have noticed in society and in the media from both men and women

MrsClown1 Tue 02-Apr-13 19:35:11

I am going to tell a story here and Im not sure if it will make people make assumptions about me but I wanted to illustrate how right blackcurrantjan is.

I met my DH in 2001 when we were both in our mid forties. I had known him for a few years as an acquaintance but nothing more. Anyway, he was single and so was I so I bumped into him one day and gave him my number. Anyway, he called me and came to my house when my kids were at school. After half an hour we ended up having sex. I am so sad to say that when he left I thought he would think I was cheap so would never call me again because I was a loose woman (though I didnt feel loose, I wanted it and enjoyed it!) Sorry if this is TMI!

Anyway when he called to ask me out for a meal I was surprised and told him so later on. He couldnt understand it - in his opinion he just thought, we both wanted to have sex so why should I feel bad about it! A few weeks after we were married we had some ex friends round for a meal who had also recently married. The husband proudly informed my DH that it would always be a mistake to marry a woman who had sex on the first date, his wife had kept him waiting for 6 weeks. She was obviously more virtuous than me. My DH managed to argue against him without telling him how long we waited.

Im not saying I did the wrong or right thing, it was the right thing for me. But why should people presume women dont want/need sex but men have to have it.

Sorry to go on!

PretzelTime Tue 02-Apr-13 20:49:57

I can't imagine a new father or a couple being horny with a new born around. It's such an intense and exhausting period, the baby comes first.
But yes a horny man might find sex elsewhere if he needs it- with himself!

blackcurrant yes it's very tragic to see old Victorian attitudes to sex (like sex= man doing things to a woman who just kinda lies there) in 2013. I thought things had gotten better than that, perhaps it did, then went backwards again. I do blame porn for alot of it.

It reminds me of how there was a thread recently where some women didn't think it was sex when they came, only their husband's pleasure counted as sex confused Some didn't even know what an orgasm felt like. I'm not blaming those women at all btw, it was just sad to read.

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