So now Mumsnet deletes posts on the grounds that they're offensive to people with religious beliefs and MRA's

[FastidiaBlueberry]

On the circumcision thread a post of mine was deleted and when I asked mumsnet why, this was the response:

"While it is true that posts we don't tend to delete posts on the grounds of being in poor taste because it would be really hard to draw the line; we do as in this case remove posts that, in our judgement, are simply beyond the pale.

Your post was reported to us and tbh we felt that * (an offensive acronym for MRA's) was beyond the pale tbh, especially when added to the rest of your post which was also incredibly offensive to anyone with religious beliefs."

So basically, we are not allowed to post things which offend people's religious beliefs in conjunction with offending MRA's.

Just thought I'd let you all know. I'm not even annoyed about this, after last week's targeting I think it's obvious that MN really don't want radical feminism represented here.

[SolidGoldBrass]

It's happened to me as well. I keep posting, though. :)

[Startail]

MRA???

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Men's Rights Activist Startail.

Is it just about religion you get deleted SGB, or is it all your stuff about unsatisfactorily-penised MRA's?

[OliviaMumsnet]

Hi there
Thanks for posting this straight up on the boards and not giving us an opportunity to resolve this in the email you sent us.

To clarify, we deleted your post because we feel the use of the word "rapey" is beyond the pale.
With regards to not offending anyone with religious beliefs etc our talk guidelines are here
HTH

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Tbh I would be shocked if anyone actually used the word "rapey", that's pretty disgusting and if I had seen it I would have reported it.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

OK, why is the word "rapey" beyond the pale?

[FastidiaBlueberry]

And was it the word rapey rather than the observation about how stupid I thought the original patriarchs must have been?

Or was it the combination of both in the same post?

[GinAndT0nic]

rapey in what context? i can imagine, so it's not like it makes no sense. it makes sense. Decent men have nothing to fear from words like Rapey.

mumsnet, nail your colours to the mast I say! fgs, can't we represent women's interests here? society, tradition, legislation and the media take care of men's interests.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Does this mean that we're not allowed to use the word rapey as well?

Is it not allowed or just in certain contexts?

Sorry but I really want to know because I use this word quite a lot. When referring to George Galloway for example, because he is a rape apologist. He said stuff which indicates that he thinks rape is not really rape if someone has previously had consensual sex with the man who raped her. I think that's rapey talk - is it unacceptable to say so?

I'm sorry, I know this is a PITA but I've had a couple of times here where my posts have been deleted and it seems that it's because of very heavy handed moderation. OTOH if there are issues about using certain words like rapey, then it's useful to know that it's not a "mumsnet word" IYSWIM.

[Startail]

Thanks,
I keep out of that one, I don't know enough about it.

I am an atheist and certainly post things that might be considered religiously offensive.

I don't think it's possible to be a feminists without finding all, mainstream, religions intrinsically sexist and deeply misogynistic.

[FloatyBeatie]

'Rapey' has always struck me as an inappropriately frivolous play on a desperately serious word. Some uses of it will offend some people, other uses might offend other people. Seems best for moderation to delete it whenever it is complained about, otherwise mods would have to be making intrusively interventionist interpretations of others' conversation.

[OliviaMumsnet]

@FloatyBeatie

'Rapey' has always struck me as an inappropriately frivolous play on a desperately serious word.

This here.
Thanks.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Right so what are we saying?

We're not allowed to use the word rapey?

Really?

OK.

The problem with your thing about some people will be offended by that word Floatybeatie, is that the people who are most offended by it are those who express rapey attitudes.

Oh dear I've just used it again haven't I. Will have to find a new word or term. People who express attitudes which excuse and/ or condone rape or minimise it.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

Actually you know what I think is "an inappropriately frivolous play on a desperately serious" thing?

The expression "cry rape".

It is absolutely a frivolous, heartless expression which undermines and minimises women's reality of having been raped.

It is always used by rape apologists.

It is used regularly on this board, it regularly triggers rape survivors and it is tolerated regularly.

If you're going to ban the use of the word rapey, would you also consider banning the use of the term "cry rape", Mumnet?

[FloatyBeatie]

I disagree. I find it offensive because it is frivolous and trivialising. Especially if used to generate a joke acronym. Is that what was done in the deleted post?

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Actually, I don't have a "rapey attitude". I have been assaulted though and I don't like the term "rapey". As has been said before it minimizes it.

I bet the same people who would use this term would be against the word "frape", I don't find that offensive as it is used in context, "rapey" is just making a mockery of the word though while still using it to describe the sexual assault form of the word "rape".

[Startail]

If rape is using sex as a weapon, as a way of exerting control over another person, then rapey describes the worlds major religions perfectly.

[FloatyBeatie]

My previous post crossed with the 'cry rape' post. Agree that is also often used in an offensive manner. I imagine mn would delete it whenever its use was complained about and tended to undermine the 'l believe you' message.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

See I've been raped too and I don't see it as minimising it.

I see it as pointing out how close someone's attitude is, to that of a rapist.

Rapists rape women because they don't believe women have the right to set physical boundaries and many people agree with rapists without being aware that that's what they're doing.

When you use the term rapey, it can shock them into examining why you did that.

I don't use the term frivolously. I use it where I genuinely think that it is deserved. MRA's big thing, is that they fucking hate the fact that they can sometimes get into trouble for not respecting women's boundaries, because they don't believe women have the right to set any.

But I'm sorry if I've ever used it in a way that triggered you SSMD.

I'm triggered by the term "cry rape" whenever I see it. It reminds me that I've got no right to speak of having been raped, it is a silencing term.

[Tortington]

what waferthingmint said. I consider using that term to be a denigration and erosion of the term 'rape'.

[FastidiaBlueberry]

No waferthinmint, that's not what I'm doing.

I'm trying to establish what language is allowed on MN and what isn't.

This is literally the first time today, that I've been told we're not allowed to use that term.

If I'd known that, I wouldn't have used it.

I actually try to follow MN guidelines when I post, believe it or not.

But I also think that if that term isn't allowed to be used, then other terms ought not to be as well.

The cry rape one being the obvious one for me. It buys into every rape myth going.

[Tortington]

if i am aware that a term i use is likley to offend others in a serious way such as women who might have experienced sexual assault. I would desist in using that language whether i agreed with the decision or not as that is the kind thing to do.

[SchroSawMargeryDaw]

Rape apologist is probably a better example to use.

"Rapey" sounds like a teenage joke word (and one that is used around here regularly), I don't think that this particular word will help the cause.

I understand how you feel with "cry rape", that term makes my stomach turn whenever I see it.

I may not agree with you on this thread but (((un-mnetty hugs))).

[Tortington]

not the same thing at all