Discussing feminist issues on other forums - does it get you down?

(107 Posts)
kim147 Sun 17-Feb-13 09:22:36

Been discussing the Reeva Steenkamp case on another forum and it's led to discussion of the sex based industries such as lap dancing. It really gets me down trying to put forward arguments and then being accused of being out of touch, "what about the men" and it's all about female empowerment - without the wider effect on women being considered.

Sometimes it feels like you're going nowhere. It can be really hard when you're discussing this stuff and it seems like you're on your own against the masses.

Lessthanaballpark Sun 17-Feb-13 22:23:00

Yes Mechanical! Then our code question could be "do you shave?!!!" Cos you know, I might get sacked if I go sniffing aroud people's ankles!!

Oooh but that would mean ALL men are fems which could be a bit confusing!

mcmooncup Sun 17-Feb-13 23:31:03

"It's just too painful and causes me actual psychic pain."

God yeah! It all completely gets me down

I had my first ever row on FB this week about some hideous jokes about Reeva. Obvs I came away looking like the one without a sense of humour. Just.......SIGH.

I want a handshake or code too for RL..........imagine the instant sense of freedom smile

yourname1111 Mon 18-Feb-13 07:27:56

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 08:33:58

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 18-Feb-13 08:40:31

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

ashesgirl Mon 18-Feb-13 10:56:58

Oh dear, what happened?

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 10:57:54

An unwelcome visitor rocked up, AG

No surprises there

ashesgirl Mon 18-Feb-13 10:59:26

There's a lot of that going on at the minute, isn't there? AG? Been away for a bit so not up to date on the visitors.

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 11:02:03

You are AG, you balloon grin

And yes, there's a lot of it abahhht

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 11:02:58

You AG, me AF, him twat

< beats chest >

wink

ashesgirl Mon 18-Feb-13 11:12:39

Oh!! Yes that's me grin Yes I am that out of touch, even with my own name grin

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 11:13:36

That gave me a smile, anyway grin

ashesgirl Mon 18-Feb-13 11:14:23

I love how you always get deleted too grin as you can't resist the firestorm grin

AnyFucker Mon 18-Feb-13 11:36:28

Too many firestorms, not enough time wink

There is another one started, as we speak. Have just reported that one, I have my children to feed.

Bit late to this thread (!), but I just wanted to say, I didn't know Steenkamp was a human rights campaigner, lessthan, thank you for posting that.

I don't really go on other forums much, but facebook can be quite depressing, I think because you realize how many people are wilfully ignorant. In the last week or so, two different blokes - perfectly 'nice' blokes too - have commented on posts I've shared from feminist blogs, starting out by taking me to task and telling me they think I've got it all wrong. And in both cases, they have admitted after a few posts that they've not read what the blog is commenting on, or they didn't actually read the content, just the headline. But they still have an important point of view to share, of course!

It is just so fucking tedious.

I genuinely really enjoy discussing stuff and I don't want to talk only to people who agree with me, but it really irritates me.

Darkesteyes Mon 18-Feb-13 15:35:12

got into a massive row on fb last year on a womens weekly magazines fb page .
This publication has developed an intermittent but nasty habit of printing articles about people on benefits but focusing on the women.
(in fact they did another just last month on single mums)
There were loads of nasty comments on there about how "she shouldnt have opened her legs" if she cant afford not to claim.
I called them on the mysogyny and i was the only one calling them on it. I was pissing in the bloody wind.
Most of them rounded on me because they have spent too long reading that tripe to be able to think for themselves.
Arguing on fb is a hiding to nothing.
So what did i do instead last week?
I let the girls at vagenda know about it. They are fabulous at critiquing these rags.
Easier simpler and saved me wasting my time arguing with people who have had such a long diet of reality shows and celebrity culture that they cant see the bigger picture.
The person who made the open legs comment was a woman.

Darkesteyes Mon 18-Feb-13 15:38:53

to have said in support of your enjoyment of pole dancing?

Add message | Report | Message poster
DarkesteyesMon 28-Jan-13 23:51:48

I got into a massive row on fb last year on a womens weekly magazines fb page .
This publication has developed an intermittent but nasty habit of printing articles about people on benefits but focusing on the women.
(in fact they did another just last week on single mums)
There were loads of nasty comments on there about how "she shouldnt have opened her legs" if she cant afford not to claim.
I called them on the mysogyny and i was the only one calling them on it. I was pissing in the bloody wind.
Most of them rounded on me because they have spent too long reading that tripe to be able to think for themselves.
Arguing on fb is a hiding to nothing.
So what did i do instead last week?
I let the girls at vagenda know about it. They are fabulous at critiquing these rags.
Easier simpler and saved me wasting my time arguing with people who have had such a long diet of reality shows and celebrity culture that they cant see the bigger picture.
The person who made the open legs comment was a woman.

Sorry Should have said this post was from another thread. Thought it was also relevent to this one though.

Lessthanaballpark Mon 18-Feb-13 16:12:59

Actually LRD, she was one of us! She was a campaigner against domestic violence and rape. In fact she was due to give a talk about it in a Johannesburg school as it's such a huge problem there.

But of course all that pales into insignificance against her sexiness as a model and his talent as an athlete - let's get our priorities right eh!! grin angry

Oh, god, that's awful. Sorry, I know I shouldn't say that, it would be awful no matter what, but what a horrible irony.

Lessthanaballpark Mon 18-Feb-13 16:15:37
Lessthanaballpark Mon 18-Feb-13 16:26:16

Yes it is indeed an irony. Even more so when you consider that coverage of the One Billion Rise day came out on the same day. Just in case proof was needed of its necessity..

wol1968 Wed 20-Feb-13 14:53:59

Every time I make the big mistake of looking at the Telegraph comments, I am reminded of the absolute necessity of feminism. Some of the stuff on there makes the Taliban look like the suffragettes.

nina17 Thu 21-Feb-13 18:01:40

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

whatisafeministanyway Tue 26-Feb-13 02:31:30

Actually LRD, she was one of us! She was a campaigner against domestic violence and rape.

Er... yeah. You're joking, right?

Do as I say, not as I do: which is the more salient message about the value of women, their autonomy, their right to their own bodies, their right not to be violated, do you think? The talk given to a bunch of Jo'burg schoolgirls about rape and domestic violence, or the posing as a gagging-for-it male fantasy figure in a magazine read by millions of men and boys?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mZW8c-OY1Q

This woman is only being 'discovered' as a feminist campaigner (and referred to by all and sundry as 'Reeva' as if they knew her personally) because she has been killed by a man. What a triumph of strong womanhood that is.

It's appalling that she died - was killed - absolutely. She sounds as if she was a nice person who was loved by everyone who knew her (and here I mean the people who actually did know her, rather than everyone appropriating her and projecting onto her now). It is a tragedy, not to mention being the latest version of that horrible, tedious old script - beautiful young (usually blonde) woman victim killed by man (former lead actresses including Mary Jo Kopechne, Dorothy Stratten, Nicole Simpson, Lana Clarkson et al)

But not wishing to disrespect someone who has recently died, I dispute her value as a female role model. She chose to pose for FHM (watch the video and see how it makes you feel as a 'feminist') and was a trophy for her famous boyfriend. Until he shot her and made her an icon of course. She chose her job, didn't need the money; she had a law degree, she had plenty of options.

You live by the sword, and all that. You can't have it both ways. Don't bemoan abuse of women at men's hands when you've trivialised yourself as a mere sex object for their pleasure. Not pouting, putting the bikini on and 'making love to the camera' in the first place does more for your fellow women than speaking out about abuse... having established your public profile by making yourself wank fodder an object for men's fantasies. Doesn't it?

AbigailAdams Tue 26-Feb-13 06:56:57

Wtaf? There is so much wrong with that post whatisafeminist I'm not sure where to start.

"You live by the sword, and all that. You can't have it both ways." What on earth does this mean? Are you actually saying that because she was a model she should expect to be abused and be killed? Fucking hell. And that because she was a model she can't campaign against DV? You say you don't want to disrespect her yet call her "wank fodder".

That post says a lot more about you and your hatred of women than it does about Reeva Steenkamp.

And you are totally missing the point about people callling her Reeva. It isn't because they purport to know her. It is to make her human. Something that the media and you have failed to do, reducing her down to her sexual value.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now