Just saw this on Facebook

(160 Posts)
shrinkingnora Sat 26-Jan-13 15:18:15

Apologies if this has previously been discussed but a friend has just posted the following on Facebook and I wondered what others thought of it. I would like nice pithy response but am struggling to put it into words. It has really depressed me.

"THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW IF YOU ARE EVER ATTACKED"

(PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life.) Click Share Button to share it on your Wall.

Rapists are predators. Period. Predators never let victims know when they will attack ... or that they literally "hunt" for a victim ... By following these tips, you can make your world a little safer.

It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone should read this especially each and every girl in this world.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] Understand that your hairstyle could benefit an attacker:
Ponytails and long hair are the number one styles rapists seek because long hair and ponytails are easy to grab. Women with short hair are not common targets. But there are exceptions.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] Be aware of your surroundings at all times:
The places women are abducted from / attacked at /targeted by attempted rapists are grocery store parking lots, office parking lots/garages, public restrooms. These men are predators, so view your surroundings carefully. If you are in a parking lot and feel someone is following you, start making noise - talk to yourself loudly, talk to an imaginary person, or pretend to talk on your cell phone. The louder the potential victim, the more the predator is apt to freeze.

5] Use your loudest voice if you have any doubts.
Remember, its better to be considered crazy, than to keep quiet to avoid weird looks.

6] Work on being assertive:
If somebody is giving you unwanted attention, tell them to back off. There is no need to be polite when somebody is making unwanted sexual advances.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER TO PREVENT A POTENTIAL RAPE

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked
audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, and go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

8] If a rapist is in your car and is sitting in the passenger seat with a weapon to you, they will tell you to go somewhere where they are less likely to be witnessed. Whatever you do, don't follow their directions. Put on your seat belt, then drive into something stationary, like a dumpster or lamp post. The airbag and seat belt will keep you alive, and the crash will draw attention. It is better to be in a car accident than get raped and possibly killed. Stay calm and try to surprise the rapist.

9] Understand that Vans are the most common vehicles used in rapes. Rapists will park next to the driver's side and, as you are trying to get in, they will pull you into the van. If there is a van on the driver's side of your car, go in through the passenger's door. If there are vans on both sides, go back to where you were and get someone like a security guard to walk you to your car. Don't park any place that feels unsafe.

10] Practice being careful when going into your house or car because someone could easily push you in and lock the door behind you. Be aware of your surroundings; carry your keys ready in your hand and look around you before opening the door.

11] Keep personal information private. Don't advertise your info verbally or on the Internet. Also, be very wary of meeting up with anyone whom you meet on the Internet. There is never a good reason to meet up with a person whom you have never met in person, or who talks you into meeting-up when you are hesitant. If you think you must do so, bring someone else, preferably a friend who is older and meet the person in a public place.

12] Notice and leave identifying marks. A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Think kill. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it. If you are in a place where you can't run, notice your surroundings and leave a mark on them if you can. Rapists have been caught because their victims left identifiable teeth marks, nail marks, or DNA in the cars or rooms where they were assaulted.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL....

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in
this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side, peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB).

b. If you! U are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard /policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.

‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

Take care.

Bagofmashings Sat 26-Jan-13 21:16:54

I also saw this on Facebook. What a load of crap. Whatever happened to ' teach not to rape not how not to be raped'?

AwkwardSquad Sat 26-Jan-13 21:29:26

Thanks for the link, Bertie. "Rape stops when rapists stop raping."

Charlizee Sat 26-Jan-13 21:34:35

What do I think?

I think telling men "don't rape" won't work.

The men who don't rape already know rape is wrong, they don't need to be told.

The men who are capable of rape are going to be so evil/messed up they aren't exactly going to listen or care if they are told not to rape.

I think it is a lot more complex than simply wagging your finger and saying "this is wrong don't do it".

shrinkingnora Sat 26-Jan-13 21:46:39

Thanks for all the replies. I am posting some of the above links on Facebook. I think the reason I dislike this so much is that there is a tiny bit of good advice in there that is hidden in lots of rubbish.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 21:50:09

Well, sure. But you see how ludicrous the advice sounds when reversed?

Problem is also, that "men who are capable of rape" are not evil or messed up. They are normal, ordinary men who have an inflated sense of entitlement, which is entirely backed up by culture. Sometimes evil or messed up men rape, of course. But the majority of rapes are carried out by someone known to the rapist. People don't tend to hang out with blokes who are outwardly evil or messed up... it doesn't show.

This study was interesting - Comments from convicted rapists, and statements posted in lad's mags.

There was also a really interesting study posted on here ages ago where a group of men were asked "Have you ever raped anyone?" and of course they all said no. When the question was phrased in another way - have you ever had sex with anyone who was very drunk, have you ever had sex when you weren't really sure the other person was into it, etc - their answers were very different and they were not ashamed or had any inkling that this was wrong. I don't have the link to this one though.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 21:57:02

I agree completely, BTW, that someone who goes out on the town with the express purpose of gaining sex by rape, knows exactly what it is they're doing, and is looking specifically for somebody vulnerable is not going to listen to a poster telling them rape is unacceptable. The part I disagree with is that I don't think that most rapes happen like that and I don't think that most rapists think like that at all.

Charlizee Sat 26-Jan-13 21:57:02

Say a man and woman are equally drunk and they engage in sex together. Have they raped each other?

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 21:59:54

No, because it's not possible for two people to simultaneously rape each other. Rape is about power and control. Hence - no way for it to be equal.

Yes it can still be rape if the man is drunk too. Yes a woman can sexually assault a man who is too drunk to consent. And of course it's extremely difficult to judge what has happened when both parties were that drunk and there were no witnesses. But drunkeness is not a defence, if one person has sex with another without their full consent.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 22:00:43

And of course two drunk people can have equally consensual sex and regret it in the morning. But that's not really the situation we're talking about here...

Trekkie Sat 26-Jan-13 22:02:35

These things have been doing the rounds for yonks. I got this one years ago by email at work (pre facebook days). I remember it for the particularly helpful line:

1] Understand that your hairstyle could benefit an attacker:
Ponytails and long hair are the number one styles rapists seek because long hair and ponytails are easy to grab. Women with short hair are not common targets. But there are exceptions.

I mean what a fucking utterly pointless thing to write. And that is point number 1!!!

I emailed the guy back and asked him to stop sending me stuff like that - I mean it's not what you need at work is it - to get emails basically saying Do Not Forget You are PREY FGS. And what can you do about it? Cut all your hair off, of course! Although obviously that might not help anyway. FFS.

Can't think of anything pithy, though, sorry!

Charlizee Sat 26-Jan-13 22:02:58

So if two people (a man and a woman) are both equally drunk and have sex together no rape has been committed?

Are you saying a man can't be a rapist if he's drunk himself?

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 22:09:33

No. If a man and woman are both equally drunk and have equally consensual sex then no rape has been committed.

If a man and woman are equally drunk and the man rapes the woman then he has still raped her. Him being drunk is no defence. Him being too drunk to realise what he is doing is no defence. If she does not consent then it is rape.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 22:09:58

Did you even read my post? confused

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 26-Jan-13 22:10:58

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Trekkie Sat 26-Jan-13 22:11:20

Drunken consensual sex happens all the time. It's kind of like a national hobby. I thought most people were aware of that. Are you not in the UK?

StewieGriffinsMom Sat 26-Jan-13 22:12:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 22:12:26

How could two people rape each other anyway? If neither consents then surely they just don't have sex. Which means that even if they're both drunk, one must have the intention to have sex with the other, and they're not checking for active consent - perhaps because they're too drunk to think of this, but it's still rape.

If you murdered someone when you were extremely drunk it would still be murder (or manslaughter) even if you were unaware of what was happening.

amillionyears Sat 26-Jan-13 22:13:17

Trekkie, I think the link I posted was from about 10 years ago. Which is the same one you are talking about I think.

BertieBotts Sat 26-Jan-13 22:13:31

If you killed someone... that should read.

amillionyears Sat 26-Jan-13 22:14:12

and the op.

namchan Sat 26-Jan-13 22:21:10

There's always one isn't there? How about you consider the much more common incidence of a woman being drunk to the point of being unconscious and a man, who may or may not be drunk, choosing to penetrate her anyway. Fucking hell.

specialsubject Sat 26-Jan-13 22:22:04

Pepper spray is illegal in the UK.

this is an American list, the rapist probably has a gun anyway.

crash your car deliberately? I don't think so.

usual FB chain rubbish.

shrinkingnora Sat 26-Jan-13 22:22:33

Okay, I've posted the links and saved them so I can post them whenever this comes round again. The person who originally posted it has liked all the links and thanked me for drawing her attention to them, so hopefully I've done some good.

I'm now off to sort out the twats who keep reposting the 'Snow. The only thing that settles in this country and doesn't claim benefits' thing. Time for a cull of FB friends I think...

rosabud Sat 26-Jan-13 22:27:17

Yet another post that begins with an interesting premise. I am not sure what I think so I eagerly await and read other people's answering posts so I can weigh up all the considerations. Some very sensible and thought-provoking pros and cons are mentioned. I begin to form an opinion, I think I might even add to the thread. Then someone comes on and posts something clearly antagonistic and rather supercilious and, well so DIM really. Is this rape? Is that rape? Do you know horrible things happen to men too? Do you know not all men are very horrid by the way??

OH FOR GOD'S SAKE. And the frustration and the irritation really wind me up and I think, you know, I will just go and find some other website where these idiots don't appear every 5 minutes to derail/wind up/play dim/.....quite honestly I don't know what their agenda is.....but it really annoys me.

Rant over and out.

shrinkingnora Sat 26-Jan-13 22:34:51

Please can you ignore them and post anyway? I would love to hear what you have to say!

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