Just saw this on Facebook

(160 Posts)
shrinkingnora Sat 26-Jan-13 15:18:15

Apologies if this has previously been discussed but a friend has just posted the following on Facebook and I wondered what others thought of it. I would like nice pithy response but am struggling to put it into words. It has really depressed me.

"THINGS YOU SHOULD KNOW IF YOU ARE EVER ATTACKED"

(PLS TAKE TIME TO READ THIS. It may save a life.) Click Share Button to share it on your Wall.

Rapists are predators. Period. Predators never let victims know when they will attack ... or that they literally "hunt" for a victim ... By following these tips, you can make your world a little safer.

It seems that a lot of attackers use some tactic to get away with violence. Not many people know how to take care of themselves when faced with such a situation. Everyone should read this especially each and every girl in this world.

THOUGHT THIS WAS GOOD INFO TO PASS ALONG...

A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

1] Understand that your hairstyle could benefit an attacker:
Ponytails and long hair are the number one styles rapists seek because long hair and ponytails are easy to grab. Women with short hair are not common targets. But there are exceptions.

2] The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women whose clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

3] They also look for women using their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.

4] Be aware of your surroundings at all times:
The places women are abducted from / attacked at /targeted by attempted rapists are grocery store parking lots, office parking lots/garages, public restrooms. These men are predators, so view your surroundings carefully. If you are in a parking lot and feel someone is following you, start making noise - talk to yourself loudly, talk to an imaginary person, or pretend to talk on your cell phone. The louder the potential victim, the more the predator is apt to freeze.

5] Use your loudest voice if you have any doubts.
Remember, its better to be considered crazy, than to keep quiet to avoid weird looks.

6] Work on being assertive:
If somebody is giving you unwanted attention, tell them to back off. There is no need to be polite when somebody is making unwanted sexual advances.

7] The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

8] If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.

9] These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands.

10] Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER TO PREVENT A POTENTIAL RAPE

1] If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk: can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now that you've seen their faces and could identify them in a line- up, you lose appeal as a target.

2] If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

3] If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

4] If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can do it by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand it; it really hurts.

5] After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause him a lot of
trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

6] When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked
audibly.

7] Of course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, and go with your instincts. You may feel little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was trouble.

8] If a rapist is in your car and is sitting in the passenger seat with a weapon to you, they will tell you to go somewhere where they are less likely to be witnessed. Whatever you do, don't follow their directions. Put on your seat belt, then drive into something stationary, like a dumpster or lamp post. The airbag and seat belt will keep you alive, and the crash will draw attention. It is better to be in a car accident than get raped and possibly killed. Stay calm and try to surprise the rapist.

9] Understand that Vans are the most common vehicles used in rapes. Rapists will park next to the driver's side and, as you are trying to get in, they will pull you into the van. If there is a van on the driver's side of your car, go in through the passenger's door. If there are vans on both sides, go back to where you were and get someone like a security guard to walk you to your car. Don't park any place that feels unsafe.

10] Practice being careful when going into your house or car because someone could easily push you in and lock the door behind you. Be aware of your surroundings; carry your keys ready in your hand and look around you before opening the door.

11] Keep personal information private. Don't advertise your info verbally or on the Internet. Also, be very wary of meeting up with anyone whom you meet on the Internet. There is never a good reason to meet up with a person whom you have never met in person, or who talks you into meeting-up when you are hesitant. If you think you must do so, bring someone else, preferably a friend who is older and meet the person in a public place.

12] Notice and leave identifying marks. A large bite mark on their face, punctured eyeball, deeply scratched leg, ripped out piercing etc. is easily identifiable, as are memorable tattoos, etc. Think kill. Go for weak spots like eyes (poke hard), nose (hard upward motion with the lower part of your open hand) genitals (grab really tightly and squeeze or punch hard) etc. to make sure the person's hands aren't free to punch or hold on to you and you can run for it. If you are in a place where you can't run, notice your surroundings and leave a mark on them if you can. Rapists have been caught because their victims left identifiable teeth marks, nail marks, or DNA in the cars or rooms where they were assaulted.

FINALLY, PLEASE REMEMBER THESE AS WELL....

I know you are smart enough to know these pointers but there will be some, where you will go "hmm I must remember that" After reading, forward it to someone you care about, never hurts to be careful in
this crazy world we live in.

1. Tip from Tae Kwon Do: The elbow is the strongest point on your body. If you are close enough to use it, do it.

2. Learned this from a tourist guide to New Orleans: if a robber asks for your wallet and/or purse, DO NOT HAND IT TO HIM. Toss it away from you.... chances are that he is more interested in your wallet and/or purse than you and he will go for the wallet/purse. RUN LIKE MAD IN THE OTHER DIRECTION!

3. If you are ever thrown into the trunk of a car: Kick out the back tail lights and stick your arm out the hole and start waving like crazy. The driver won't see you but everybody else will. This has saved lives.

4. Women have a tendency to get into their cars after shopping, eating, working, etc., and just sit (doing their checkbook, or making a list, etc. DON'T DO THIS! The predator will be watching you, and this is the perfect opportunity for him to get in on the passenger side, put a gun to your head, and tell you where to go. AS SOON AS YOU CLOSE the DOORS, LEAVE.

5. A few notes about getting into your car in a parking lot, or parking garage:

a. Be aware: look around your car as someone may be hiding at the passenger side, peek into your car, inside the passenger side floor, and in the back seat. (DO THIS TOO BEFORE RIDING A TAXI CAB).

b. If you! U are parked next to a big van, enter your car from the passenger door. Most serial killers attack their victims by pulling them into their vans while the women are attempting to get into their cars.

c. Look at the car parked on the driver's side of your vehicle, and the passenger side. If a male is sitting alone in the seat nearest your car, you may want to walk back into the mall, or work, and get a guard /policeman to walk you back out. IT IS ALWAYS BETTER TO BE SAFE THAN SORRY. (And better paranoid than dead.)

6. ALWAYS take the elevator instead of the stairs. (Stairwells are horrible places to be alone and the perfect crime spot).

7. If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, ALWAYS RUN! The predator will only hit you (a running target) 4 in 100 times; and even then, it most likely WILL NOT be a vital organ. RUN!

8. As women, we are always trying to be sympathetic: STOP IT! It may get you raped, or killed. Ted Bundy, the serial killer, was a good-looking, well educated man, who ALWAYS played on the sympathies of unsuspecting women. He walked with a cane, or a limp, and often asked "for help" into his vehicle or with his vehicle, which is when he abducted his next victim.

I'd like you to forward this to all the women you know. It may save a life. A candle is not dimmed by lighting another candle. I was going to send this to the ladies only, but guys, if you love your mothers, wives, sisters, daughters, etc., you may want to pass it onto them, as well.

Send this to any woman you know that may need to be reminded that the world we live in has a lot of crazies in it and it's better safe than sorry.

‘Helping hands are better than Praying Lips’ – give us your helping hand.

Take care.

Smudging Sat 26-Jan-13 15:25:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vesuvia Sat 26-Jan-13 15:42:54

In response to
"POINTS THAT WE SHOULD REMEMBER TO PREVENT A POTENTIAL RAPE
8] It is better to be in a car accident than get raped and possibly killed."

In the real world, it is not an either/or situation.

For example:

Man rapes woman injured in road crash.
www.liveleak.com/view?i=444_1321112389

MrsFionaCharming Sat 26-Jan-13 15:45:40

I'm confused by points 3 &4. Rapists target women who use their cell phones. So if you think someone is following you, you should use your cell phone?

I hate this kind of thing. Because it shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to know this stuff. But at the same time, surely anything to help keep safe is good?

NormaStanleyFletcher Cote D'Ivoire Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:22

What a load of crap.

Most women are raped by people they know, sometimes in their own homes.

It is perpetuating the myth that if we just behaved in a certain way we would be safe from rape.

And if you don't follow the instructions you are asking for it presumably? For having not taken enough care or modifying your behaviour enough

vesuvia Sat 26-Jan-13 15:51:52

In response to

"4] Be aware of your surroundings at all times:
The places women are abducted from / attacked at /targeted by attempted rapists are grocery store parking lots, office parking lots/garages, public restrooms."

At the very least, this should be changed to:
The places women are abducted from / attacked at /targeted by attempted rapists include grocery store parking lots, office parking lots/garages, public restrooms and their own homes, in other words, anywhere.

I've heard of a rape that occurred on a traffic island in the middle of a very busy main road during rush hour.

vesuvia Sat 26-Jan-13 15:55:45

I think one of the many problems with these simplistic how-to-prevent-rape checklists is that even rapists have very little idea of how bad other rapists can be.

ecclesvet Sat 26-Jan-13 16:06:22

I don't like victim-blaming, and I also don't like people who rail against risk management tips by labelling them victim-blaming.

ForkInTheForeheid Sat 26-Jan-13 16:06:34

You could probably summarise that into two points really:
1. Be afraid
2. Stay in your homes
I know it doesn't explicitly state that, quite the opposite in fact but it is designed to induce a state of fear and vulnerability in women who read it. It might be more appropriate to append it with statistical likelihoods of stranger abduction/rape/murder, y'know, just to put it into context.

Also this: According to the 2009/10 BCS, most (79%) victims in incidents of stranger violence were men. In nearly three-quarters (73%) of incidents of domestic violence the victims were women (Table 3.01)." from this document

http://www.homeoffice.gov.uk/publications/science-research-statistics/research-statistics/crime-research/hosb1210/hosb1210-chap3?view=Binary

So really these "protect yourself it's a dangerous world out there" lists should be directed at young men.

ForkInTheForeheid Sat 26-Jan-13 16:07:51

sorry, forgot to sort the link:

Crime in England and Wales 2009-10

MidnightMasquerader Sat 26-Jan-13 18:57:42

Well, into 3 points really, to be fair... One targeting the other 50% of the population.

3. Men: try not to rape people.

lemonmuffin Sat 26-Jan-13 18:58:52

Excellent advice. I've printed it out and am distributing it to my friends and my daughters friends.

JustAHolyFool Sat 26-Jan-13 19:05:56

Yes, Midnight, agreed.

Several of my friends have posted this.

This was my response:

extras.denverpost.com/life/email0307.htm

Not facts after all. I don't think he interviewed rapists at all. I think it's some half-facts combined with urban myth and then used to advertise his self-defence classes.

Number 11 is probably common sense though.

amillionyears Sat 26-Jan-13 19:15:43

We are also discussing it on the thread below, if anyone is interested.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1667930-Joanna-Lumley-says-dont-go-out-and-get-drunk?pg=1&x=7&y=4

An urban legend

I saw this on FB too. It's utter nonsense as pointed out in my link and could prove dangerous. As the snopes author points out, fighting a sadistic rapist could potentially encourage him to become even more violent.

There is no cunning advice to dodge rape. We don't 'make' ourselves victims any more than a cyclist who is knocked off his bike by a lorry 'makes' himself a victim of a RTC.

FastidiaBlueberry Sat 26-Jan-13 19:19:30

These tips are much more effective:

Top 10 tips to stop rape

AwkwardSquad Sat 26-Jan-13 20:42:57

Fastidia, well said, those are the tips I posted when I saw the Facebook post in the OP. The info in the OP is the usual victim blaming woman controlling behaviour policing freedom reducing SHITE and I have had ENOUGH OF IT.

BertieBotts Germany Sat 26-Jan-13 20:52:12

Sorry, but it's utter nonsense. If you really want to know some "signs" of a "potential rapist" then you'd do better to look at any red flag list for abuse and control, because anyone who can contemplate the idea of rape, consciously or not, is likely to be overriding consent and boundaries in other ways too.

Of course even this has massive holes (women are hugely socialised not to stand up for our boundaries, particularly at low levels.) but it makes more sense than worrying about the utterly tiny proportion of psychos who might be going around looking for women with ponytails. It's much more likely that you'll be raped by someone that you know. When a rapist has your trust, he doesn't need a ponytail.

And of course, Fastidia has the best one. There are posters up at my college saying, basically, if someone's drunk then they can't consent. Sad that it's needed - very glad that it's out there and being worded in this manner rather than "Don't get too drunk - you might get raped"

Charlizee Sat 26-Jan-13 21:04:45

Trying to give people advice on how to reduce the chances of being attacked is victim blaming remember. You should go campaign for this misogynist content to be removed.

Charlizee Sat 26-Jan-13 21:06:36

"These tips are much more effective:

Top 10 tips to stop rape

"3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her""

Please tell me this list is a joke?

BertieBotts Germany Sat 26-Jan-13 21:10:40

hmm What do you think, Charlizee?

However they are pretty much an exact reversal of many common pieces of advice which are genuinely found (and well-meant!) on those "Don't get raped" lists.

On the subject I may re-post this excellent, if sobering blog post: Don't Get Raped

Funny how, Charlizee? hmm

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