Sugar daddy arrangements

(17 Posts)
katiemummy2012 Mon 21-Jan-13 22:48:10

Following on from the prostitution thread where I mentioned the sugar daddy arrangement being like prostitution, but got no response. I'd like to ask mumsnetters opinion on sugar daddy relationships ie the woman (usually young and attractive) has an arrangement with a usually older man with money. He buys her nice things /gives her an allowance and in return the woman has sex with him, looks good on his arm etc.

I've read a lot about this in magazines and it seems to be quite common, there are sugar baby and daddy websites too. Obviously many mumsnetters have a negative opinion on prostitution and imo this is almost exactly the same. What do you think? Is it right for a woman to service a man's needs for material gains?

Would you say its a feminist issue that women are motivated to use their attractiveness and youth to gain money and status in life? What is your opinion on sugar daddies, are they perverted and taking advantage of women's economic position?

And if you are fine with the sugar arrangements but not fine with escorting/prostitution EVEN when the women are willing and earning well (like the sugar baby), why is that, and what reasons have you got to substantiate the difference?

Kiwiinkits Mon 21-Jan-13 23:24:21

I'll start.
Part of being liberated, I think, is being free to make your own mistakes. Both men and women, particularly those who are less endowed on the intelligence front, choose professions or lifestyles that are demeaning or unhealthy. Being a sugar baby sure is demeaning, as is being an escort. But there are plenty of men who do stupid things for money or glory. Prisons are full of these idiots. Basically, you can't save people from themselves so live and let life. All you can do is live an upstanding and wholesome life, help people when you can, grow responsible kids. Angsting over other women's choices won't change a thing: the stupid are always with us.

katiemummy2012 Tue 22-Jan-13 00:43:45

I do agree that its each persons choice what they do with their life, I was more wondering what mumsnetters thought about the effect the increase of sugar daddy arrangements has on women's status as a whole. A lot of sugar daddies are married too and have what is basically an affair on the man's terms with the sugar baby.

Do you think that aslong as it is acceptable for men to 'buy' women like this (these women are only the daddies baby for the financial rewards he gives her) that women will never be equal in society?

Kiwiinkits Tue 22-Jan-13 02:52:39

I dunno if there's an increase in this sort of arrangement; it's been around since the year dot. At least now young women are powerful/clued-up enough now to know what the arrangement actually is - a financial one - instead being naive and deluded enough to think that it's driven by love or actual affection (and therefore being used).

madwomanintheattic Tue 22-Jan-13 04:01:23

Don't recognise an increase.

I think you're just spending too much time reading crap magazines.

<or writing articles for them>

On a slight tangent, I explained to dd1 and dd2 what the slogan on their Christmas present from sil meant (golddigga sweatshirt) and neither of them will wear it out of the house. grin I really like sil. But it's as bad as having 'juicy' splashed over your arse.

madwomanintheattic Tue 22-Jan-13 04:02:58

Kiwi, sadly, choices aren't made in a vacuum.

stargirl1701 Tue 22-Jan-13 04:04:13

I think there is a physiological explanation to this. IMO these women tend not to have had stable, healthy relationships with their fathers. They seek out validation through material things from older men.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Tue 22-Jan-13 09:56:47

Can I get "Sadly, choices aren't made in a vacuum" on a Tshirt please? Or maybe a badge (sounds SGB badge-klaxon)

Is it right for a woman to service a man's needs for material gain or, with alternate phrasing," is it right for a man to use money and other material goods to pay a woman to service their sexual needs"- No, it isn't.

(I inserted sexual to clearly differentiate from paying a gardener to service your gardening needs etc)

snowiceslush Tue 22-Jan-13 15:15:16

OP Are you referring to this www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/1640972-Good-piece-on-sex-work-by-Laurie-Penny
when you mention the prostitution thread ?

I agree with TheDoctrineOfSnatch

is it right for a man to use money and other material goods to pay a woman to service their sexual needs"- No, it isn't. Well said!

Kiwiinkits Wed 23-Jan-13 01:01:34

And equally, since we believe in self determination for women, is it right for women to accept money and other material things in exchange for sexual services? Hmmm not quite right but not completely wrong either... The power dynamic isn't always victim/oppressor in these relationships

madwomanintheattic Wed 23-Jan-13 06:04:52

Massive assumption that we believe in self determination for women.

We believe women should self determine. But may be unable to, due to above absence of vacuum.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Wed 23-Jan-13 07:56:18

Kiwi, are you arguing that the sugar baby has more power than the sugar daddy?

EldritchCleavage Wed 23-Jan-13 13:18:57

I don't actually see this as different from prostitution except in one respect: the woman only has one 'client', which greatly reinforces the power imbalance between the parties to the arrangement.

And of course it reinforces all the age-old patriarchal ideas objectifying women and casting it as natural for men to use and have power over them.

It reflects another phenomenon: the tendency of a lot of young attractive women to take the benefits those two attributes give them in patriarchy and see it as being strong, exercising choice and taking what they want from men as the equals of men. I don't think that's what it is at all.

Kiwiinkits Thu 24-Jan-13 01:43:36

Temporarily she has more power, often, yes. While she's still young and pretty (and he's old and crusty). Then when she gets older, or gets pregnant to him, then not so much. But, as I said before, you'd have to be a bit stupid to get involved in one of these relationships - smart girls see through the fact that their power is temporary and go for stronger, more respectful men with a bit more stickability. But the dim are always with us, aren't they. Vacuum or no vacuum.

Kiwiinkits Thu 24-Jan-13 01:44:51

and yes, women can be stupid (although it seems sometimes on this board that that cannot possibly be so - all decisions made by women are due to the patriarchy... er, no, sometimes decisions are just made by dim-wits).

TheDoctrineOfSnatch Thu 24-Jan-13 09:56:51

Men canbe stupid in the context of the patriarchy too, Kiwi.

jimmyjjohn Tue 13-Aug-13 11:36:57

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now