5 Things Wives Do to Turn Off Their Husbands

(16 Posts)
feministefatale Wed 16-Jan-13 16:51:05

am i missing the humour here? Or is it just not funny?
http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/149411/5_things_wives_do_to?

We all know there are plenty of ways for women to turn guys on. Heck, all they really need to do is look at a guy or talk to one. Or be in the same room.

Yes, guys like sex. They love it. They think about it 25 hours a day. And despite all our wives' excuses (the headaches, the time of the months, the I'm-just-too-tireds), we'd still go right on knockin' boots.

There are, however, certain things to stop us dead in our tracks. Deflate our balloons, so to speak. What exactly is our libido's kryptonite? Glad you asked! Here's a look at 5 things wives do to really turn off their husbands.

Shaving Is the Pits - Guys know women shave or wax their legs. But some are clueless that women actually grow hair in ... gasp ... other places, like under their armpits. So in that vein, watching your wife shave her armpits isn't the sexiest thing in the world. Granted, seeing your wife never shave her armpits is quite a bit worse.

The Golden Rule - While we're on the subject, why is it that when guys are in the bathroom shaving, that's always the exact moment their wives come barging in, announce they have to pee, and then do exactly that? Of course if you're into that sort of thing, it's a whole different ballgame ...

The Never-Ending Story - Yes, women naturally like to talk a lot more than men. And husbands should definitely listen to their wives' stories. But do they have to be soooo long? And full of soooo many tangential details? Trust me, I really don't need to know the exact brand and model number of the brush your best friend's hairdresser recommended for the dog.

Quiet on the Set - Speaking of talking ... don't. At least not while we're watching a movie. No, I don't know who that guy is. I'm not sure why he killed his brother. I don't know where the treasure is. I don't know what they said because you were talking, so I missed what they were saying. And now I missed what that woman was saying because I was explaining to you why I missed the previous conversation. For the love of Spielberg, please hold all questions until the final credits roll.

Installing a Dutch Oven - You know how women squeak one out under the covers hoping we guys won't notice? Sorry, honey, but the second we pull back those covers, our noses are going to win out over our other little friend. Granted guys can be just as big a buzzkill, except we all know women have a much higher tolerance for pain.

How does your husband turn you off?

http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/149411/5_things_wives_do_to?

StickEmUp Wed 16-Jan-13 17:36:43

It's not funny. It's a load of banal rubbish. If this job pays, when can I start work I could write it havin a shit.

meddie Thu 17-Jan-13 18:03:21

well that explains why my relationship went tits up then. never mind letting a squeaky one out under the covers. I would yank the duvet up and trap him under there too :D
Immature.... most certainly. Funny as hell as he desperately flailed around to get fresh air? you betcha...

digerd Thu 17-Jan-13 18:33:30

Apart from the "letting off a squeak", which I never did, I recognise all the other things , except the chattering was always with my female friends. DH was the gorgeous, kind, strong and silent type.

Thank fuck I don't know any men like this.

feministefatale Thu 17-Jan-13 18:58:20

meddie tbf I think a proper dutch oven might be a deal breaker for a lot of people grin

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 19:15:07

I've been 'treated' to all of these things. Never put me off. In fact one or two are quite the teasers.blush
He's a bit of a dick.

feministefatale Thu 17-Jan-13 19:45:58

Please please please, don't say being farted on does it for you pan grin

Pan Thu 17-Jan-13 20:05:46

Not the smell no! But I do like the chutzpah of the secure woman who proudly claims the fart.

It's familiarity and not being scared of being with an actual living, hairy, farting, pissing human being. Which that guy obviously is.

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 00:16:56

I feel bad now for all the men who didn't know about women's armpit hair.

Valpollicella Sat 19-Jan-13 00:30:46

Shaving Is the Pits - really? You got to that age where you din't know that woman had hair <shock> there ?

Bollocks. Hairy bollocks.

If you don't want to see women shaving then don't go in the bathroom when they are in there. Heaven forefend. They might even be bleaching their upper lip <waves smelling salts>

The Golden Rule - we come in to pee just as men are shaving? Errr....

Oh fuck. SORRY.... Oh and by the way, isn't that how you just got to see us shaving our underarms? By barging in? Wouldn't invite a man in to view the spectacle otherwise.

The Never-Ending Story - no, women don't talk more than men. We all talk the same but as the point was written by a man he seems to think so. Both genders talk a LOT. About stuff that the other person might not find intersting. We alllllll shut off at some point

Quiet on the Set - Speaking of talking ... - oh SHUT THE FUCK UP. Am trying to make my point. wink

This is not prevalent in women. Men do it too. I have threatened DP with duct tape, or the simple fact I need QUIET after being at work when I am watching something. I don' talk.

Dutch Oven. Meh. If I trumped while asleep then <shrugs> deal with it. grin

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 00:35:21

DP and I filmed each other setting alight to our farts after drinking the best part of a bottle of Smirnoff between the pair of us. We have since moved in together.

So in yer face hackneyed, sexist writer dude!

PurpleStorm Sat 19-Jan-13 00:56:21

BunFagFreddie - it's actually possible to set fire to farts shock

I always thought that was some sort of urban myth confused

PurpleStorm Sat 19-Jan-13 00:57:08

And what's a Dutch Oven anyway?

BunFagFreddie Sat 19-Jan-13 00:58:37

Honest to goodness you can PurpleStorm. You must NEVER do it with a bare arse or whilst wearing manmade fibres though.

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