I now have a lovely DH and DC, but over a decade ago I spent a couple of years in an abusive relationship. My boyfriend at the time never hit me, but he forced me to have sex on numerous occasions (sometimes violently, sometimes just hideous constant pestering to wear me down).
I never reported any of it at the time. But it does prey on my mind that he is very probably still behaving in much the same way towards women, and I do feel some responsibility that I did not take any action at the time. I am sure that he is still behaving in a similar way as his actions were based on a strong belief system of his (whereby he was the centre of the universe, women were only really appreciated for their looks, and he felt that he was 'owed' sex on a very regular basis). He also believed that once physical contact had reached a certain point, there was no going back in that the man 'had to have sex'. He refused to acknowledge the word rape in relation to how he behaved (to the point where I questionned it myself at the time -and still do really - I don't consider that he raped me he just forced me to have sex - though I know that doesn't really make sense).
Every few months I google his name, just to check there are no news articles about this person being charged with rape.
Does anyone know if there are any practical steps I could take now? Would the police think I was being ridiculous if I reported him now? What would happen if I did (I wouldn't want friends/family knowing what happened to me as I still feel ashamed that I allowed myself to be treated that way by him)? Ideally I would like to just be able to log this information with the police so that if he is ever accused (by someone else) of rape, then perhaps it would be of use to their case if the police had a statement from someone else who had been through something similar with the same man??
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions
Raped many years ago - any practical steps I could take now?
44 replies
beth12345 · 08/09/2012 22:12
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.