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Feminism: Sex & gender discussions

what should I do?

21 replies

DoctorGilbertson · 03/08/2012 13:40

After 5 years of marriage I am suddenly having to fill in loads of forms that want my title.

I didn't change my name when I got married. Have been living abroad so have fudged the issue but now I need to choose.

I would be quite happy staying "Miss" really but don't know if this isn't just a bit mad.

DH is unlikely to have an opinion, but he might, so I will ask him too.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

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FalseStartered · 03/08/2012 13:42

Ms

and why ask your DH?

exoticfruits · 03/08/2012 13:48

It is completely up to you.

HazleNutt · 03/08/2012 13:48

Dr, if you really are DoctorGilbert.

Otherwise Ms.

Glosswitch · 03/08/2012 13:50

I've always used Ms. After getting my PhD I thought I'd move on to using Dr (quite keen as it's gender-neutral), but I was surprised to learn that doing so made me feel like a total prat. So I've stuck with Ms. But I think whatever you choose some people will make stupid judgements (sorry, I realise that's not very helpful!). Anyhow, I can totally see an argument for Miss as it's keeping with what you've always been (except you might get people accusing you of "pretending" not to be married...).

Trills · 03/08/2012 13:51

Ms

It means "I am a woman and my marital status is not relevant to the form I am filling in"

DoctorGilbertson · 03/08/2012 13:51

Yeah OK. Most sensible.

Re: asking DH - well, yes. You are correct there as well.

OP posts:

DoctorGilbertson · 03/08/2012 13:56

Thanks again (I missed some of these posts)

And yes, I am Dr. Gilbertson, here is a picture of me in my sports car!

OP posts:

TeiTetua · 03/08/2012 17:32

I think it has to be Ms if people aren't calling you Doctor. Miss seems inaccurate if you aren't married. Mrs, well, "That would be my mother--she isn't here, but I could try phoning her if you need to talk to her."

You might or might not accept being called Mrs Husbandsname if you're introduced by someone who knows him better than you. Would he ever let himself be called Mr Gilbertson if the positions were reversed?

MildewMayhew · 03/08/2012 17:49

I've been a Ms since a vaguely feminist TV show explained the concept in 2007. It's your choice.

SirEdmundFrillary · 03/08/2012 17:53

I'd go with Ms too.

skrumle · 03/08/2012 18:21

my H accepts being called Mr Skrumle with reasonable grace. i don't accept it when they are doing it based on his name, but do accept it now when people do it based on the kids' names...

i'm a Ms (and have been since about 18/19) - seems the most reasonable choice.

Krumbum · 03/08/2012 20:17

Ms, why would you be a miss?
I'm a ms now and I'll be a ms next year when I get married. My name has nothing to do with my partner, why are you asking yours about it?

Krumbum · 03/08/2012 20:18

Oh if your dr why would you go by anything but dr? Don't diminish your achievements.

RecursiveMoon · 03/08/2012 20:23

I use Dr, and I feel like a twat 50% of the time when I say it .

I don't feel like a Mrs, so I'd be a Ms otherwise.

bagelmonkey · 03/08/2012 20:26

I'm a Dr.
I use Mrs. and my own surname if I can't get away with forename only/leaving title blank.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 03/08/2012 20:28

I've been Ms since I opened my first grown-up bank account at 18, didn't really consider changing my name when I got married (a fair while ago now).

The children have DH's name. DH occasionally gets called by my name as I tend to book things like hotels etc. I just as occasionally get called Mrs DHname, usually preschool related as they're a bit 'traditional' there.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 03/08/2012 20:29

Perhaps should have named changed to post on here.
I don't see why you can't stay "Miss" if that's what you'd prefer. I must admit that I am chuckling quietly to myself over so many asking "why are you asking your husband?!" Before anyone jumps on me, no, I do not think he gets to help decide, it's not his name after all. I do find it amusing though that it's perfectly acceptable to ask a random bunch of strangers for their opinion, but not your partner who will hopefully know the OP and her tastes a lot better than us. :)

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/08/2012 20:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Krumbum · 03/08/2012 20:50

Because it appears as though she would be asking him so he had the chance to say 'I think you should be a mrs as we are married '

Floggingmolly · 03/08/2012 20:59

But you are a Mrs. if you're married. . The titles are intended to convey your marital status. If you'd prefer not to broadcast it, you can call yourself Ms, but why would you revert to Miss? That's just bizarre.

exoticfruits · 03/08/2012 21:44

You can just choose. I am Mrs, but most of the time you can manage without a title. I don't see that it matters much.

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