Ordrering children's names by age or sex. Does it matter?

[MamaChocoholic]

We have three children: ds1, dd, ds2.

DP would say "ds1, ds2 and dd".

dd and ds2 are twins, dd the elder by 6 minutes. I order the children strictly by age, dp claims to do the same, but obviously doesn't, as she always puts the boys first. She says I'm silly to even notice.

I don't want dd to always come third in the list because I don't want her to get the message boys always come first. Am I over thinking this?

[BertieBotts]

I would always do it by age, although it's hypothetical as I only have one child.

To do it any other way would seem deliberate, I think.

Surely it evolves naturally anyway, like this:

"Oh I have a son, Harry."

Once the second is born:
"I have two children; Harry and Sally."

Once the third is born:
"I have three children, Harry, Sally and Tom."

The youngest just kind of tags onto the end of the list of the others.

[BertieBotts]

It's probably different with twins though, I think because they're born at the same time it could go either way and I'd stick with whichever way the names sounded best together. If DD was the youngest she'd probably be last anyway and it wouldn't make a difference.

[5madthings]

i do it by age, so dd comes last, purely as she is the youngest after the 4 boys, but most parents i know do it by age when listing children. ditto when signing cards etc.

technically with them being twins i guess they are the same age by a few minutes, tricky but i see your point but equally can understand why your dp lists them as she does! so not much help.

[NoComet]

Age is traditional, I reverse my DDs sometimes as DD2 gets in a huff about being the youngest.

A younger DS would not get isted before an older sister just because he's male.

My Cousins have always be biggest sis, bigger sister, middle sister, little brother.

DD1s friends who's family also has 3 older girls and a boy even more so, because the older girls are a lot older.

[SarkyWench]

Ordering by age is understandable

Ordering by gener is indefensible

Random order is preferable

[ramonaquimby]

yes you are overthinking this

I have enough trouble spitting out their names at the best of times, remembering age/gender order really doesn't register

[EdithWeston]

Age is normal, random happens.

Could it be to do with the cadence of the three together?

[MamaChocoholic]

It's not cadence, they all have 2 syllable names. don't think I'd cope with random. sounds like maybe I am over thinking.

[chipmonkey]

Actually with us, dd often comes first. She is our last but the only one who died. Life really can be a bitch.
As in today, nice lady asks "Are you glad you're done with all that?" ( She meant wrt potty training). And because I am NOT glad to be done with potty training as dd was due to be potty trained around 2015 and I had that to look forward to, I had to tell the lady about dd and that she was born and that she died. And that she will never be potty trained and that I will never moan about the number of times that I had to get fresh knickers for her and that she ruined the carpet.
First thing on my mind, every morning, every night. My only girl but when they die, that doesn't matter. When they die, it doesn't matter whether they were blue or pink, afterwards it's all the same, grey, grey, grey.
I realise my circumstances are unusual.
I'm sure your dp loves all your children equally, much as I love mine. All five.

[MamaChocoholic]

chipmonkey so so sorry. your pain and love for your daughter both sound very fierce. some people can be completely thoughtless in their assumptions about others lives.

I wasn't questioning dp's love, more whether the order reflects the relative worth society puts on men and women.

[rosy71]

I don't think I've ever heard of anyone ordering their children's names by gender . I have 2 boys but I do sometimes reverse the order if I'm calling to them but I think that depends on which name pops into my head first. When signing a card, I would always write ds1 then ds2.

I have 2 sisters and one brother myself and we were always referred to as dd1, dd2, ds and dd3.

[rosy71]

We have three children: ds1, dd, ds2.

DP would say "ds1, ds2 and dd".

dd and ds2 are twins, dd the elder by 6 minutes. I order the children strictly by age,

Well, you haven't ordered them by age in your OP!

[GnocchiNineDoors]

But your ds2 and yiur dd are the same age. Yes, theres 6mins in it but to all intents and purposes they cam into yiur life together.

Its not like ds1 and dd were here for 5 years before ds2 came along and he got wedged in the middle.

Yabu.

[ceeveebee]

Rosy, the 'correct' age order is DS1, DD, DS2 ie exactly as in the OP?

Ordering by age is normal. Ordering by gender is frankly odd and I have never seen this before. What is her reason for doing this?

It also irritates me when I receive a card from my DSIS written in her handwriting but always putting her DH's name before her own.

[ceeveebee]

Oh and fwiw I have twins and it does matter who came first, they are individuals not parts of a whole. In my case DTS came first and I always list them in that order

[LibrariansMakeNovelLovers]

We go by age. I odn't think you're over thinking this. I seem really odd list on sex or the other first.

[rosy71]

I must read things more carefully. I read it that ds1 and dd were twins. Sorry!

[chipmonkey]

Mama, I do apologise. I should not post after drinking wine. That was a totally irrelevant thing for me to say. I was feeling very sorry for myself.

SIL always says "I have two boys and two girls" She has G B B G.
But oddly enough, from the things she says, I feel she values her girls far more than her boys so not sure why she says it that way around.

[LaFataTurchina]

I've never really thought about this before (probably because I don't have children yet) but I always assumed people did it in the order that the names flowed best/came out easiest.

[OhNoMyFanjo]

Perhaps you are more sensitive to tge twin thing, and dp feels tge order she uses flows more iyswim.

[lilbreeze]

I have 3 dds and order them by age. Tbh I've never heard anyone order their children by gender - are you sure that's what your dp is doing or is it for some other reason she lists them in that order?

This has got me thinking about how I order other names. I say "Mr and Mrs" but "Mum and Dad" / "Grandma and Grandad".

When listing names of other couples I generally say the one we know best first iyswim. For example "Dsis and Dbil" and "Db and Dsil". Same for aunts and uncles and friends - not ordered by gender.

[2to3]

I have twin boys and a younger girl and
there is no rhyme or reason to how we list them. When I do think about it I make a conscious effort to order them differently every time I write a birthday card to a family member or similar.

Don't overthink this one - if you really think your DP is subconsciously leaving your DD last because she's a girl then that's the overall issue for discussion, not the listing of names.

[Ragwort]

Makes me glad I have an only - but seriously, surely you are over thinking this?

On this subject I loathe the expression 'number one son', 'number two son' etc - a friend who has four boys actually says this, why not just refer to 'Tom', 'Dick' etc

[TiggyD]

So the older child has preference? The youngest always comes last? I think they should be rotated so they all have a go at being in all positions.
Keep a piece of paper with you at all times:
DS1 DD DS2
DS1 DS2 DD
DD DS1 DS2
DD DS2 DS1
DS2 DS1 DD
DS2 DD DS1
Keep a tally next to each order when you use it. This will help you keep track in a fair, non age or gender related fashion.

[Margerykemp]

Put dd first, as a girl she won't get much opportunity in life to come first so might as well give her this one.