Can I share my little triumph with you all?

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

When I joined MN under a different name 2 years ago.....I couldn't see why porn was wrong...I would have called myself a feminist but also said some crap like "But those women choose to be porn stars so it's fine"

Anyway...Ive learned a lot here and as a result can no longer stomach porn though I used to quite like it.....I had also tried to educate DH who listened but didn't seem to take it on board.

Well he had actually! The other evening he told me that he could no longer watch it it seemed....he was never someone who watched tonnes but I know he liked it now and then...all the stuff I'd told him about the women (and the men) who make these films and what they do to young minds too...well it all went in and now he came to me most surprised and said "I can't watch it anymore!" It doesn't work!

He also spoke at length with me....asking more questions and trying to make sense of it all. I really feel that MN is amazing.

[FrothyDragon]

Well done! :) Always nice to hear little success stories.

[Bluestocking]

I find this really cheering. Thanks for posting!

[icepole]

Glad to read this, I often feel overwhelmed by the prevalence of porn and it depresses me. Really nice to hear about someone actually seeing it for what it actually is.

[epicfail]

Fantastic! I have made a similar journey, from occasional use to total opposition, also thanks to MN and the regular posters on this board. I don't comment much but I am always here, reading and learning and questioning things I would otherwise never have questioned.

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

I just feel that it's actually made our sex life rather better too....we're not so visual now but can concentrate on sensation far more. I think that our sex lives in the Western world have been badly polluted by these images.


It felt like another revelation when DH spoke about it the other night...he was sad for the women involved.

[Flaneuse]

That is fantastic! It's a good reminder that speaking out and talking about things like the porn industry and its abuses, explaining the problems and relating them to the whole of society, so that they can't be pushed aside and ignored, is so important.

[enimmead]

It's just everywhere isn't it?

Was in Tesco Garage today. Nuts magazine - some model with Size ZZ breasts out and proud on the front cover. Headline - Colleen inside - nude.

Well done with your DH.

First steps?

[PlentyOfPubeGardens]

DP and I went through a similar change of mind last year.

"I can't watch it anymore!" It doesn't work!
This is why that argument that gets dragged up on any thread about the sex industry is such bollocks - the 'what about the sweatshops/tea plantations' argument. When you really take on board that there is a chance you're wanking to a rape, it just stops working - and if it doesn't you need to take a long hard look at yourself.

MN feminists

[Beachcomber]

Thanks for posting this, it means a lot.

[MakesCakesWhenStressed]

I don't spend much time on the feminism boards (requires too much brain power for this sleep deprived new mum) so i'm not aware of the reasons you refer to. Do some women not choose to be porn actresses?

I tend to read/write porn/erotica rather than watch it, so I don't know much about the filmed stuff. Please enlighten me? I'm curious.

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

MakesCakes I don't have time at the moment to put links on to the places where you can read first hand accounts of porn actors and their experiences and I am sure someone who is more articulate than I will be along to explain in detail.

it's not something I was told about once and then changed my mind...I read quite a lot of material before I realised certain things...there are many issues to touch upon. One of the most shocking things I read was the percentage of porn actresses who had been abused as children. It is high...an abused chld grows up with a mindset...one that makes them think they are sexual objects and sex is what they're here for.

THis in turn feeds their lack of self respect and they are more likely to fall prey to exploitation. Many of them suffer internal injuries due to multiple penetration and hard sex....these are the thiings which mostly disturbed me...

A more complex reason is related to the fact that we are basically brainwashed by imagery...in the "normal" media as well as lads mags and porn films...to think that sex is all about humiliation.
I hope someone with more knowledge will come along and explain more clearly.

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

Thanks for that Dittany...I knew someone would come along with the proper links!

[blackcurrants]

aww that is not a small triumph, that is a BIG triumph! Nice one, OP! :)

[imnotmymum]

Wow just read some of that opened my eyes

[SkaterGrrrrl]

((((MumsNet Feminist section))))

[TheHouseOnTheCorner]

It really is a massive revelation and I feel that since DH made this transition...because that's what it is....that we are much closer.

We have two DDs and that really colours your awareness of issues if you are a man I think....you begin to see women as someone's child...well that's true of women too...I have more empathy generally...but now DH has learned something about Feminism I think he has become more open generally.

It's a fascinating subject but it must be rather unfashionable...I'm a writer (don't judge my spelling and grammar please...I'm in my leisure on MN and I let it go to the dogs here) and I recently pitched an idea for a play which was to cover the experiences of lapdancers/poledancers....the reception was tepid and this from a producer who had previously shown great interest in my work and had pretty much told me that he would be very interested in anything I offered.

I think it's because it was too much of a challenge to him personally. I may approach a feminist theatre company now and bugger him and his ready money!

[LRDtheFeministDragon]

Oh, that's fantastic!