I don't appear to have the typical female experience I'd be interested in what some of you have to say

[hathorinareddress69]

Not a thread about a thread but on another thread I realised that I don't seem to have had the typical female experience, and I just wondered what you thought (since LRD suggested this was not a scary place)

I don't seem to have had the experiences that some of the feminists have - I don't feel the need to share with females, I never had a man leer or wolf whistle or try to look up my skirt.

My best friend is a man and I can (and do) discuss anything with him and he does with me.

Am I that abnormal?

[hathorinareddress69]

No don't feel expected to smile.

No they wouldn't dare.

No definitely not!

yes I've been pregnant/breastfed/had periods but I wouldn't feel the need to share that with anyone based on their gender.

[SardineQueen]

The word abnormal is not the right one.

I think you experience is unusual, and that you are lucky.

All of my close friends have experienced some kind of unwanted attention.

I have had many male close friends and of course my husband is a very close friend and so I am used to talking to them about most things. There are some things - childbirth, things to do with sex, pmt symptoms that I would not discuss with eg a male work colleague but I would discuss with a female work colleague.

[hathorinareddress69]

See SQ I wouldn't discuss childbirth or periods with a colleague full stop, male or female.

FLE - I'm beginning to wonder

[SardineQueen]

There are some threads where women have shared their experiences of unwanted attention I will try and find one for you.

[hathorinareddress69]

Thanks SQ.

I must be abnormal then it's honestly never happened to me. Maybe I give off a very "fuckoffdon'tmesswithme" vibe or something

[TheLastHairyBunnyHop]

I suppose that since you're here (on MN, I mean, rather than the Feminist board) then you do find some need to share some things with females?

I can't really answer your question as to whether your experience is abnormal, because I suppose each of us has a tendency to accept her own experience as normal. I certainly accepted public sexual harrassment as normal in my youth, because it happened to me pretty much every time I went out.

Male friends - yes, I have platonic male friends, including my oldest and closest friend. I don't think that's all that unusual. Are you saying that you get on better with men? If so, do you think that's because those are the individuals that you get on best with as people, or do you get on better with them because they aren't women?

[SardineQueen]

Here is a thread small sexual assaults where women shared there experiences.

[hathorinareddress69]

I don't know TheLastHairyBunnyHop and I suppose that's what prompted me to start the thread.

Most of my friends (actually all bar 2) are male. My closest friend is a man. I think I get on better with them as people I don't think it's because they aren't women but I don't know.

As to being on here, it's a supportive site, I don't pay much heed to whether the posters are male or female. Or lesbian or gay or transgendered or anything else.

[SardineQueen]

*their

[EldritchCleavage]

Maybe I give off a very "fuckoffdon'tmesswithme" vibe or something

Well, so do I, but I've been abused, sexually assaulted, raped. Nothing wrong with my vibe, just with the men who did it.

Don't mean to be arsey, but these things don't happen to women because of some failing on their part, but on the part of the perpetrator.

[SardineQueen]

I definitely wouldn't talk to a male colleague about my labour, but I would talk about it with a female work colleague who had given birth herself.

[hathorinareddress69]

I should say, what's made me think about is partly the transgendered thread (sorry if that's bad form to mention) and also that I am aware of how much I've changed my life in the last 3 years since I split from my ex, and I'm aware of some very damaging things he did towards me, but they weren't specifically because I was a woman, they were because I wasn't doing what he wanted - it's all a bit jumbled in my head at the minute.

I'd like to think I'm a feminist, but I'm not as "activist" as some of the posters on some of the other threads I've been on in the last few days.

[hathorinareddress69]

I totally agree that it's to do with the perpetrator Eldritch and not the victim - the perpetrator is always to blame and any excuses they attempt to find to justify their actions are wrong.

I wouldn't discuss labour with a male or female colleague.

[hathorinareddress69]

I should also say, in the interests of disclosure and all that, that there was an attempt to abduct my children and the person who did it was a lesbian female.

[hathorinareddress69]

Not that that makes a difference, but I don't subscribe to the "women can't hurt" statements that were made on some threads I was on at the weekend (the thread has now gone pfft)

[hathorinareddress69]

I have to go and do the school run but I will be back later.

[madwomanintheattic]

I agree that it can be a lot more subtle, and that we can all ascribe different motivations to the same event.

I was on the 'small sexual assualts' thread briefly,largely because I think it's important to recognise that whilst I don't identify with the 'all men are potential rapists and women are safe' trope, that that doesn't preclude some men stepping over boundaries in a manner that wouldn't have happened if they weren't men and I wasn't a woman iykwim. And although I am a staunch supporter of dv prevention and refuge, the worst circumstance I have been personally involved in was attempted murder of the husband by his wife (with no aggravated circs). I still recognise that this is not the usual power relation.

That said, I don't really understand how a female is supposed to feel. I don't identify as any particular gender, I am me. So my feminist leanings tend towards the abolition of gender with the exception of pg and bf if appropriate, rather than any specific issues centred on male violence etc. but it's all a means to an end.

I feel the same way about any group that experiences discrimination though, so am equally likely to opine about disability, race, sexual orientation, trans etc. with the added proviso that in most of the above cases, if you happen to be a woman as well, that generally makes any discrimination worse...

Often I think it's about how you rationalise an experience in your own head, and sometimes maybe it's worth unpicking it a bit to see if your gut instinct could be interpreted any other way.

But I am just me. I'm not a typical anything.

[hathorinareddress69]

I am trying to unpick my own feelings.

Hence starting the thread I suppose.

[madwomanintheattic]

I suppose if I were you ( and as I said, we're all different) I might start with the 'obvious' female stuff. Pg, birth, childcare. Maybe consider why discussing labour and childbirth/ periods is taboo for you? Menstruation gets hidden away and represented by nice neat blue water on those ads, definitely sanitised and culturally hidden - is it because it doesn't matter a jot and shouldn't affect anything about our lives? Or is it part of the 'women are unclean and messy'

[hathorinareddress69]

Oh it's not hidden or taboo - I just don't discuss it specifically with women. I have discussed them in graphic detail with various friends, just not all women.

[madwomanintheattic]

Ah, ok. Misread upthread.

[hathorinareddress69]

Oh and my relationship now we are very equal in our roles, we don't have gendered responsibility - although I did more in my marriage, but I'm not married anymore.

And my ex wasn't specifically a twunt just because he was male - he just was and is a horrible person. His sister is exactly the same.

[madwomanintheattic]

Maybe look at more institutional stuff then - policies wrt mat/ pat leave?
I really don't think there is any one female 'experience', so I have no idea why I'm trying to convince you there is....